Dear Dee:
I am a high school sophomore with a major crush on a senior. However, other than the mock trial team and seeing each other in the hallway, we rarely see each other, and her brother is one of my friends (not my best friend, but a friend nonetheless). I don't know if she's taken, but I can't just go up and say, "Hi, are you taken?". How can I go about approaching her, if at all?
No. you most definitely can’t walk up to her and ask if she’s taken. … Because first of all, that sounds stupid. You can however ask her if she has a boyfriend. Secondly, why not just ask her sibling? You’ve said you’re friends …
I don’t want to be the bearer of the harsh truth here, but generally, high school girls don’t date guys who are two years behind them in high school. Remember … girls tend to mature faster than guys. There’s more of a stigma for a girl to date a younger guy than there is for a guy to date a younger girl. Also, if she’s 18, it is actually against the law for her to date a minor … and anyway, it’s just kind of ….eeeeeeewwwwww. Sorry. Had to say it.
If you two were older, I wouldn’t say such things. Your age difference wouldn’t matter. But right now, it kind of does. There’s the social thing, there’s the legal thing and there’s also the fact she’s probably getting way into preparing for college. So from those standpoints alone, this relationship is kind of doomed. Maybe give it a few years and see what transpires. You never know. But right now probably isn’t the right time.
SORRY I CAN’T TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR …. I really am sorry.
Soph Guy ... Senior Girl ... Realistic?
Parents Pushing Prom Date
Dear Dee:
I've always thought dating to be overrated and so I've never got a date for any of our dances. Well, not until recently. Prom is a week away. My mom and family have put their foot down and told me I need a date in order to go to prom.
I spoke to some of my friends and it turns out they all have dates! This happens to me, my friends all end up getting dates and somehow I never get one. I took matters into my own hands and started asking guys.
I asked a guy I liked and ended up getting rejected. And now I know I won't get to go to prom.
I told my mom I couldn't get a date, and she told me I can. She said I have what it takes to get a date but I just don't want to because "I want to hurt her." I don't even see how that relates to prom, but now I feel really bad. Not only can I not get a date, but I'm letting my mom down.
I resorted to asking any guy, any guy at my school. Even guys I barely know, but no luck.
I'm starting to think my career has something to do with it. After focusing on acting/modeling, I've let my social life go to hell. I want to go to prom.
This is my only year to go because my family is moving to California and I want to go to prom. And with my luck, the only guy who would say yes to me would be a guy my parents don’t approve of – so I still wouldn’t be able to go.
How can I get a date? Hum. I would think your parents would be THRILLED you want to go to prom without a date. I can’t even tell you how many parents seem to really, really stress out over all the prom drama – not to mention the rumors and the well, the nightmares that come along with it.
I don’t know the whole story. I don’t know why your parents want you to get a date. But if you really feel you wanna go and they are being unfair to you, how about you sit down and give it to them straight! Let them know you’re just not that into dating right now – that you’re focused on your career and ambitions and being the student you can be. Tell them you really want to experience prom and don’t want to buy into all the pressure that comes with having a date BUT you don’t want to miss out on the fun.
Let your mom know you’re not trying to hurt her by not getting a date. That this actually has nothing to do with her at all. It’s just how you are and where you are right now in your life.
Who knows. Maybe your momma has some traumatic prom story – some repressed memories she fights back because she was dateless at the prom – not by choice – and she was made fun of. Who knows what’s behind her thinking. (Or … maybe she’s seen the movie ‘Carrie’ one too many times … but if that’s the case, tell her to watch ‘Pretty in Pink’ because great things happen to two people who go to the prom dateless …)
I do hope you can talk them around. I know you can if you go to them respectfully and talk to them in a way that shows them you’ve thought through this and have been trying to do what they’d like, but now you just need them to understand where you’re coming from. And hey, who knows … when the pressure’s off, maybe Mr. Adorable Prom Date will waltz right up to YOU during lunch and sweep you off your feet (but watch out … don’t drop that lunch tray).
Good luck and send pictures of the prom dress!
Wanna Date? Grow Up a Little
Dear Dee:
I have been dating this girl for about eight months but we have not declared we are boyfriend and girlfriend. We have been making out for awhile and we always almost get caught and it scares me whether it be by the cops or my parents. I have a lot of respect for girls but this time I went too far.
Here is my problem: Her grandfather had died and she said she did not want to be at her aunt’s house because it was too sad. So I drove out and picked her up. Her parents thought I was one of her friends just taking her home. We drove back to her empty house where we started making out and some other things. Her parents came home early so I had to run to her room to hide. I was terrified shivering in the dark of her room. I overheard her mom asking whose car was outside and the girl said I don’t know.
The only way out was through her window so I broke the screen on accident trying to escape. I ran to my car and got away! Eventually her parents found out it I was there and they were furious. The girl said if they would have found me I would not be alive seriously.
I did not talk to her for weeks until it was time to take her to a dance I asked her to. Her parents were no longer mad and I am off the hook but I am still afraid to see her parents at all or even hang out with her. They even ask if I want to watch a movie with their family. Why am I still afraid of her parents? A few things here: If you’re not mature enough to admit you’re dating a girl, then you shouldn’t be dating her. I mean seriously! Grow up. You can drive. You can hang out past dark … and you’re afraid to tell people you’re dating? Think through this. Maybe you’re not ready.
And hey, if you do decide you’re ready to date and you’re really into this girl, don’t worry about her parents. So you were at her house when you weren’t supposed to be … it’s not the end of the world. And believe me, parents have walked in on their kids doing much, much worse than what you were doing. They can handle it. Just own up to your mistake, apologize to them and then RESPECT their ground rules. You guys are young. And if you have to sneak around and are ashamed of what you’ve been doing when you’re making out and other stuff’ then you probably shouldn’t be doing that. You have a conscious for a reason … don’t ignore it Listen to it, be smart and most of all … act your age and have fun. Give her parents a chance. Go to a movie night over at her house! Show them you’re the kind of guy they want their daughter hanging with … not the kind who sneaks around, jumps out windows and then never shows his face again … because those are the kind of guys all of our mommas warn good girls about … And you don’t wanna be that guy.
Being Abused at Home
Dear Dee:
My step dad came about three years ago and he constantly shouts and swears at us and puts us down. On top of that, he hits us and kicks us.
I'm terrified of him and what he'll do if I tell. I seriously need help. My mum just sits there and watches. She doesn’t care. My dad is dead. My brothers are all I’ve got. I don’t want to hurt my mum but I want it to stop what can I do? You have got to get some help. You must talk to an adult you trust right away. Talk to a teacher. Go talk to your school counselor or the school principal or nurse. Go get some help. I am not trained to deal with situations like this, so this is the best advice I can give you … Get help and get it fast.
You don’t deserve to be abused. And you deserve to be safe and secure. Get help right away. Also, take advantage of the hotlines listed here. People on the other end of the phone can get you help and tell you where to go so you and your brothers will be safe.
Please call the hotlines now. I will keep you in my prayers.
He's Shifty & He Likes Me ... Yikes!
Dear Dee:
OK. So I'm kind of new at this whole asking for advice thing because I usually can handle my own problems. But I'm kind of in a pickle.
You see, there's this boy who is in the 8th grade. I am in the 7th. Tonight he told me he liked me and now things are all awkward between us and I don’t know if I like him back.
He's nice and all but is kind of shifty sometimes. And, he isn’t the cutest guy either. I mean looks aren’t everything to me, but they do matter. My friends don’t like him either. I don’t know what to do.Hey, I give you props for trying something new … Thanks for giving me a chance!
You know what … I think you actually DO know whether you like this guy … and the answer is … you don’t. It seems pretty obvious to me. He’s your friend but there things about him that have you keeping your guard up. For instance: Him being shifty. This tells me you know you can’t trust him and he’s rather unreliable. You don’t need that.
So your choices are to either let him down gently and try to maintain your friendship or wise up and stop hanging out with a ‘shifty’ person … because seriously … should you be?
I think not …
