Dear Dee:
I am totally in love with the guy I am dating and we've been together 2 years. There really is only one thing I can't stand about him and unfortunately, it filters into several other areas of our relationship though.
Dee, he has the worst breath ever. It sometimes makes me gag and I swear I love him! But it is really, really hard to kiss him. Do you have any advice at all?
Ewwww. So sorry you have to deal with this. And the fact you've put up with it for 2 years is testament to your dedication to the relationship. So since breaking up is out of the question and I imagine you've thought of all the ordinary remedies (breath mints, making sure he has good hygiene habits) it's probably time for some real intervention.
You've been dating for two years now. So, you've probably talked about most everything and should see if there is an actual medical problem.
You might ask how you approach such a topic with someone. And believe me, it's not a conversation I'd want to have either, but if you tell him how much you love him and want to kiss and love of him, but this hinders the experience, maybe you can kind of 'soften' the blow so to speak.
I wish I could give you more advice, but I really think the doctor is the next step.
Unless, you just want to automatically pop a breath mint in his mouth the second before he kisses you ... Now that might be interesting. and kinda funny.
'Open up sweetie ... now ... pucker up ...'
Bad Breath Looms Like Fog Over Relationship
Thanks, Katy Perry ... Your Song Did It Again
I am 14 and I am bi-curious.
I have known for a few years now. No one knows except my closest friends. Well of course, there is a girl. We have been best friends for 2 years now. I finally got the courage to tell her I am bi-curious. I'm sure she has always known.
Well, a few days later, she told me she liked me. I cannot tell you how happy I was. But she had a boyfriend at the time, which confused me more. She told me I came first no matter what. She told me she wanted to kiss me. (though she still had a boyfriend). Well, she came over and we kissed. Weeks passed and we couldn't see each other because she was grounded. But every time I saw her at school, she would always be with her boyfriend and not even leave him for a second.
We got in a huge fight that lasted about a week. I told her she blew me off. And she lied to me when she said I came first. I know this sounds very selfish, but even if I didn't have a crush on her, it would still hurt because she is my best friend. We finally made up and she came over a few days ago. She told me she probably wouldn't even date a girl. And she said she is straight. and it's understandable, I mean it's high school.
But now she is faking with me as well. I don't know what to do. She told me I was the only girl she wanted to date, and now a few weeks passed and she doesn't like me at all in that way.
Any advice?Thanks to Katy Perry, a lot of girls are jumping on the 'I kissed a girl and I liked it ... I hope my boyfriend don't mind it' bandwagon. And while the tune is, I'll admit really fun to listen to (totally have it on my iPod) -- acting out the lyrics can leave true heartache in its wake. So, Thanks Katy ... too bad you're not around to offer advice.
There is no question whatsoever about your friend -- she totally jerked you around. She took your very vulnerable state, decided to experiment and totally played you. Some friend, huh?
But I do have to say I can't believe you fell for it. You already knew she had a boyfriend. So you kinda asked to be hurt here.
So what now? Well, one thing stands out -- the way this chick is acting now, shows she's not a very good friend and only cares about herself. She shouldn't be in a relationship with anyone -- guy, girl or whatever -- because she can't face the consequences of her own actions. And as Hermione Granger from Harry Potter she has the 'emotional maturity of a teaspoon.'
How are you going to deal with this? Well, hopefully better than your so-called friend. Face it head on and get over it. She was your friend. She screwed you over and while it hurts, you've got to move on.
So what do you do now? Well, first off -- figure out who you are. Figure out what you want. And most of all, realize what you do has consequences and you are making choices right now that will define you as a person. Being 14 is hard enough without throwing all this other stuff into it. So take a step back and try to enjoy life. Sure there is pain along the way and there are choices to make. But don't jump into things. You've got time.
Yep. Church Girls Get Crushes, Too ...
Dear Dee:
OK, so I like this boy who goes to my church. He is absolutely gorgeous! I have been going to this church for a couple years now and he plays lead guitar every Sunday morning for worship.
I can't seem to talk to this guy, though. The only time I get to see him is church on Sunday and Youth Group on Wednesday. I don't think he has any idea who I am and it makes me sad because I don't have the guts to talk to him.
I wouldn't even know what to say. Plus, I'm not the most attractive girl at my church compared to all the other ones. Can you please help me finally get this guy to notice me? I'd really appreciate it .
Rule No. 1: You have to believe in yourself.
Rule No. 2: You have to KNOW you're good enough for this guy.
Rule No. 3: Don't compare yourself to other girls. ...
There are other rules, but hey ... some of this you have to figure out for yourself. Nothing good ever comes of looking at the girls around you and comparing yourself. Believe me, I know this is difficult, because I still do it to this day! But you are your own person with your own unique qualities, talents, abilities and yes, your own special look.
Who care if you're not a cookie-cutter Barbie doll or a model-esque beauty? You're you. And you need to find out how to showcase who you are. If people (mainly this guitar-playing hottie) can't recognize that, then that's his problem. Because sooner or later honey, someone will.
Now, even though I love them dearly, guys are generally clueless (SORRY!). So, finding out whether or not he's into you might be up to you and some keen observations. Don't go out of your way to be overly flirty and most definitely don't throw yourself at him, but gather up all the courage you have and talk to him!
You have an automatic 'in' every single time you hear him play! Go tell him how much you love a guitar solo he plays or how he interprets a certain song you all are singing. YOU have to make the move here to find out what's going on behind that musician's cute face.
Are other girls throwing themselves at him? While it's a church setting, I don't doubt the other girls in your group find him irresistible, too. So be the stand-out girl who doesn't fall all over him. Just talk to him, show a little interest and leave it at that. Find ways the other girls aren't utilizing. Be unique. Be yourself.
Look, you can do this. You are a capable young woman who obviously wants to know what the possibilities are. And in order to do this, you've got to take matters into your own hands. Where most girls make mistakes, is they fall all over a guy, don't hold back and end up getting hurt because they wore their feelings on their sleeves. Don't do that. Stay in control and play it right.
And if it turns out he likes you, great! And if not, well -- use this as an experience for next time. Hey, you might find out that behind that rocker's exterior, he's shy and insecure himself -- OR you might find out he's a big jerk ... Either way, seems like the it's all up to you!
So go get him ... I believe in ya.
Bummer! First Relationship a Real Dud
Dear Dee:
A few weeks ago I met this boy and he was interested in me and I was interested in him too.
He's friends with a few of my friends, so we were all hanging out a lot. I was stoked because I was told he wanted to ask me out, I'm 17 and I've never been in a relationship- so I thought everything was going to be great.
Well we started hanging out alone and I realized I really didn't like him like I thought I did. I have more fun when its him and a few other people. When its just him and I, it's kind of boring and we run out of things to talk about. Since I've been around him more he's not really the person I thought he was.
I don't see him as boyfriend material because of the way he acts. The thing is, I think he might ask me out soon. I really like him as a friend, but I can't see him as anything else.
Sometimes I think I like him, but other times I don't. I want to give him a chance though because I know if it was me I would want the other person to give me a chance, but I don't want to lead him on and hurt his feelings.
This is the first time I've dealt with something like this and I don't know what I should do because the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. I've been wanting to be in a relationship so badly and I thought this would be perfect, but it doesn't seem to be working out so far.
I'm so confused and was hoping you could give me any kind of advice to hopefully help me out, I would appreciate it so much.Well, it's pretty cut and dry, really. You don't like him as a boyfriend. So don't go out with him.
I know you said you want to give him a chance, but you've already made up your mind you don't think he's boyfriend material. You've already given him a chance by spending time with him and hanging out with him one on one. I don't think you need to take it any farther than that.
This is the problem we face when we put ourselves on the dating market -- sometimes, we have to say no. And unfortunately, you're having to say 'no' before you've gotten to say 'yes.' When you talk to him, be kind. But be direct. Let him know you've enjoyed hanging out with him as a friend, but you don't think anything beyond friendship is possible. It might him him hard, but he'll get over it and both of you will feel better because you were honest and up front. If you can't do this, then you're not ready to date. It's just that simple.
And don't let this experience get you down! There are plenty of other guys out there and you've already been through a let down -- so hopefully the next one will be easier -- and more your type.
Guy Who's 'Like a Brother' Might Want More
I have an uneasy situation.
There's a guy who is just like a brother to me. I rarely talk to him because I feel a little shy with boys.
The other day, he and his friends decided to have dinner at our house for the whole family. I was invited. All of his friends and his brother kept teasing him and saying he liked me.
He acted strangely that day -- it seemed like he dressed differently, too -- like he was careful to dress really nice. After dinner, we decided to sing songs. He chose a song that means, in English, ' I will stop everything just to be with you.
My sister thinks something is going on, too. In fact, she seems mad about it.
I don't feel anything like that towards him. Why can't he just be a good brother to me, and that's it? This is making my heart ache and my headache. I don't want to be miserable wondering how he feels and if it will ruin what we already have. I am hoping, in all the editing I got your question right up here. What country are you from? I am thrilled to have international readers!
So, the basic problem is: there's this guy, who is like a brother to you -- and has been forever. But now you think he has romantic feelings for you and you're not sure you want to go there because it might ruin what you have already. And, you're not even sure if you can or would like him in any other way BUT as a big brother, right?
Well, you need to go with your instincts here. If you value this guy as a part of your family and you don't think of him romantically, then don't entertain the thought. Don't jeopardize what you already have.
Now if his behavior continues to indicate he has stronger feelings for you, you may have to talk to him and let him know where you stand. And if you have to do that, be gentle. Be deliberate and make sure to let him know how important he is to you -- as a brother -- as a family member -- as someone you can count on.
There may be people in your family who push you towards this relationship, but remember it's your feelings that count here. Don't do something because your family wants you to. Don't let anyone force you into a relationship. You know how you feel so stand by it.
Things may be a little awkward for awhile, but work through it and be patient. It'll all work out.
