Teen Pregnancy Story

By Dee Murray

This isn’t a story that will scare you straight. This isn’t a story that will make you rethink all your priorities.

It’s a story that’ll tell you the realities of teen pregnancy and make you hopefully think twice, before carelessly letting one event change your entire life forever.

This is my story.

Let me preface this by saying outright I am one of the lucky ones. And I realize that. I am not the typical teen pregnancy horror story. I’m just a girl who made a few mistakes, dealt with them and somehow, through grace, lots of help from family and raw determination made it through a better person. And I’ve been lucky enough to have a son who, despite having a young mom who made tons of mistakes, came through it a strong young adult. Yeah. I am a lucky one.

But wait. I’ve already jumped way ahead of myself, haven’t I? Let’s start at the beginning.

He was a varsity basketball player; I was a varsity volleyball player. He was ‘destined’ to attend some fantastically awesome college on scholarship, I wanted to be a lawyer and go to Harvard. But one thing led to another and all hell broke loose – at least in our worlds.

I was a junior at a private, very strict high school, and was pregnant. Letting anyone know would certainly mean being expelled from school and I had a sneaking suspicion my parents would be way pissed. But hey, I could handle that. I had the guy. And as long as we were together, it didn’t matter. But he had a different idea.

I told him about the baby. He broke up with me. His parents sent him away to attend school in another state. And he didn’t fight it at all. He wasn’t interested in being with me, raising the baby or ruining ‘his chances’ at making it big one day.

So then, being 17, without a boyfriend, possibly getting kicked out of school and not knowing what else to do, it was time to go to the parents. My mom actually guessed before I could tell her. She started crying, hugged me tight and said we’d get through it. My dad flew off the handle, stormed out of the house and didn’t come home until late, late that night (he went back to his office). But when he did get home, he came to my room, gave me a huge hug and told me everything would be OK. That he’d take care of me and whomever else came along.

A few days later, the word was out at school and I got called into the principal’s office and expelled immediately. I was forced to empty out my desk in front of my peers and so-called friends (and my little brother) and walk out of the school without finishing my junior year.

Reality sets in here. Goodbye happy life with basketball star. Goodbye standing on the steps of Harvard … and goodbye career in full judicial glory. Hell, at this point, goodbye even graduating high school. I was another statistic. A pregnant teen, destined to depend on mom and dad forever, work somewhere earning minimum wage, no benefits and more than likely with no growth potential … basically, all the negatives everyone says about teen moms, I was then forced to face. And it freaked me out. Let’s not even talk about the fact being pregnant is totally not the best way to continue to do teen-agerish things. No more social life, no more cool clothes (maternity clothes are UGLY) and feeling ‘great’ is difficult when you’re suffering from morning sickness, extreme swelling and even the smell of some foods sends you running to the bathroom to hurl. Oh yeah, then there’s the constant bathroom breaks, the belly the size of about five watermelons and the stretch marks. Not to mention the funny looks someone gives you when they realize you’re a pregnant teen. It’s either ‘the pity look,’ ‘the disgust look’ or the ‘you’re a slut look.’ People judge. It’s a fact.

Mom and dad were great, though. They were encouraging, paid for my prenatal care, even though we didn’t have insurance (so I know it was a hardship) and asked that I figure out how to pay for my hospital care and taking care of the baby once he/she came.

Let’s see: I knew how to cook, clean and I sucked at math. I could basically do … nothing.



So, I mowed lawns on weekends, and worked for my dad during the week. And slowly but surely as the time drew closer to have that baby, I had paid in full the expected hospital bill. No Medicaid, no Medicare, no welfare, no anything. I did it. And I was proud.

Of course there were other mini tragedies in the mix between all this and the day I had the baby. I went to summer school, finished my junior year. I would attend school for my senior year at a neighboring private school once the baby was born. I was rejected by tons of people I thought were my true friends and would always be by my side. But I was embraced by unexpected people who I would’ve thought would be the first to judge. So maybe it evened out.

And then it was time...

My momma took me to the hospital. To the place I should’ve been safe from ridicule and should’ve received compassionate care. But as I got wheeled into the maternity wing, the nurse waiting to help me into the bed said ‘Oh, another teen mom?’ with certain disgust in her voice. 'This has got to stop.'



Amidst the terrible pain of contractions (and let me assure you, it hurts like heck), that instant judgment hurt even more. But when I couldn’t stand up for myself, my mom did. ‘You know, lady,’ she said. ‘This teen mom paid for her own hospital stay, holds a steady job AND went to summer school so she could graduate in May. So don’t you look at her or talk to her like that. She deserves your respect.’

Thanks, mom.

Twelve hours later, David Mitchell was born: 8 pounds, 22 inches long and these terribly long fingers. When I saw him, the first thing I said was literally ‘Momma, look. He has a basketball player’s hands.’ (I swear this is true.)

And thus, I made it through being a pregnant teen. Now, I was a teen mom. And this opened up a ton of other harsh realities. Midnight feedings, dirty diapers, non-existent dating life, trying to find money to buy diapers, pay the rent and even fill the car up with gas. The list can go on and on. But enough about me, right? My story is almost happy!

It almost doesn’t even sound like teen pregnancy is that bad. I was to get out on my own, eventually go to college and land a great job. But I am the exception, not the rule. Most girls aren’t as lucky as me. And instead of coming through all this a stronger, better person they end up as a statistic.

And being a statistic doesn’t allow you to become the strong, independent person you were born to be. It doesn’t allow you to meet your potential and it most definitely doesn’t allow you to be the best parent you can be.


The facts prove it:
-- 4 in 10 girls will experience at least one pregnancy before reaching age 20.
-- Less than 1/3 of teens who become pregnant before age 18 complete high school.
-- Every year around 750,000 teenagers will get pregnant.
-- 80% of the fathers of babies born to teen mothers do not marry their babies' mothers.
-- On average, these absent fathers pay less than $800 annually for child support.
-- The sons of teen mothers are 13% more likely to end up in prison.
-- Teen mother’s daughters are 22 percent more likely to become teen moms.
-- 52% of all mothers on welfare had their first child while in their teen years.
-- Teen moms are less likely to receive well-paying jobs that allow them career growth.
-- 48% of all non-marital births are to teen-aged mothers.

-- Only 30% of teen moms stay married to their baby’s fathers after the child is born.
-- Moms who had a pre-marital, teen-aged birth are significantly less likely to be married by the age of 35 than those who don’t have babies as teens.
-- Each year the federal government spends $40 billion to help families that began with a teenage birth.
-- Only 1.5% of teen moms will earn a college degree by age 30.
-- Nearly 80% of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare.

So what's the bottom line here? Don't be a stat. Don't be another one of those girls people feel sorry for. Don't make a passionate decision that could have consequences that are anything but romantic. Seriously. This is your life. And when you do bring children into this world, you want to do it right and at a time when you can provide, love and care for them just like every sweet little baby deserves.