Dear Dee:
I had a rocky relationship with a guy who isn't perfect. He's been involved with drugs, gangs, weapons and the whole street life. It’s common here where I live, but of course my parents don't see it that way.I know plenty of people who do that stuff, but I don't. I see him as a fun, caring person, and I know deep in my heart we love each other. He's even giving up drugs, trying to, just for me.
My parents were OK with it, but something happened: He was put in jail for a couple of days. My parents found out and turned their backs on me and him. We are back together and my parents don't know because I am sure they wouldn't approve.I am in middle school, but he has passed on to high school. There is no way for us to see each other, and my parents don't let me go anywhere. What can we do?
He says he wants to try to show them I've changed his life and he loves me so we can get their approval. If age matters, I am 13 and he is 15.
It sounds like you are growing up in a really, really rough neighborhood.
And I just want to say that just because drugs, gangs, weapons and ‘the whole street life’ are common where you are doesn’t make those things right. It’s a true testament to your strength that you’ve been able to survive in the midst of all of that and not become a victim to addiction or violence -- but you’ve still got a long way to go.I have no doubt you and your boyfriend have very strong feelings for each other. I also don’t doubt he’d like to change for you. But the proof is in the actions, not the words.
He’s 15, into drugs, gangs, violence and apparently some type of crime if he was jailed. I actually believe your parents have every right to restrict you from seeing him. And if you’re dating him behind their backs, it does nothing to help your case. It just proves that they can’t trust you either.I know it’s hard. But you need your guy to straighten up first. You need him to give up his bad habits, stay out of the slammer and get his life together. He has a brilliant future ahead of him, but only if he applies himself and is strong enough to climb out of the ‘street life’ hole he’s already dug himself into. The fact he wants to change FOR YOU is great -- but it is not enough. He has to want to change FOR HIMSELF because he knows there’s a better life out there for him. He’s the one who has to turn those pretty ‘I want to show your parents you’ve changed my life’ words into action and results … not you. If he can do that, and earn your parents’ trust, then things will be easier.And where you’re concerned: Your best bet to win your parents’ favor and get them to trust you and your boyfriend again is to actually be honest with them. Obey them and prove to them you’re old enough to make strong decisions that are safe and smart. Don’t just prove to them that you know how to deceive and disobey. Obviously, that won’t have the desired affect and I promise it will only end up getting you in more trouble with your parents, and the chance of you actually getting them to reconcile with your guy will be slim to none. So play it straight. Get him to play it straight. And then see what happens.
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