Too Young for Love?

Dear Dee:
I am 14 and my boyfriend is 17. He loves me and I love him, but my dad says I'm too young to have a 17-year-old boyfriend. My mom says since I'm almost 15 I can date a 17-year-old. But now that my dad knows, he never lets my boyfriend stay and talk. So who should I listen to, my mom or my dad? I really care for him.

So, this is where I think parenting really, really breaks down. The truth of the matter is your parents need to get on the same page and then instruct you accordingly. It is not right for them to each say the opposite of each other and then force you to make a decision on ‘whom to obey.' That's not right at all.

So, I'd encourage you to play the adult here and ask them to talk it out. The thing is you are young to be dating a guy that age - especially since dating a person who is 18, when you're under age, is illegal. I know I am asking you to tell your parents to choose what you should do, but you have to understand that you being in the middle, with the answer you want to hear and the answer you don't want to hear, puts YOU in a horrible position as a daughter and doesn't teach you anything about the importance of parenting and working together. It is a bad example to you and regardless of what you do; it gets you in trouble with someone.

If you're comfortable, sit both of your parents down and just let them know how it is. Get your mom to explain why she is comfortable with you dating this guy and get your dad to explain why he is not. GET THEM TO WORK IT OUT and show them that you're old enough to act responsibly and to recognize that this problem, as it stands right now, isn't fair to anyone in the family. I bet they'll be quite impressed with you recognizing this - and you might just get your dad to come around. And hey, if you'd rather let me be the bearer of the inappropriate parenting behavior news, just print this out ... it's my pleasure to help.