Giving Up the 'Wrong Crowd'

Dear Dee:
I have always hung out with the wrong crowd at school. The thing is, I get sucked in on the first day and can't seem to get the courage to break away and start all over. Also, I don't want to hurt my friends' feelings. It's not that they are bad people, but they do some things I don't think are right. Can you give me some advice on how to separate myself from them on good terms?

The way you are feeling is actually beyond the type of friends you have -- it's your common sense and conscience telling you it's time to grow up, get it together and get serious about the type of person you want to be known as, recognized for and accepted as.

This is a huge realization for anyone, and the fact it is hitting you in your high school years is like WOW! I am so impressed you recognize it and want to act on it, instead of sticking with the status quo and seeing what happens. Good for you.

So, it sounds like you've already made the decision to make a split -- so now we need to handle the execution and keep the fallout to a minimum. The idea is not to alienate your current friends, but expand your acquaintances and try new things. You also need to let your current friends know you still care about them, but that you can't take chances with them by putting yourself at risk when they elect to do these ‘things' you don't think are right.

Continue to be nice to your current friends, say hi to them, talk to them when warranted, but just don't rely on them to be your only social interaction as you have in the past. Make an effort to pursue your new interests aggressively. And when your current friends ask why you're not hanging with them as much, be honest and tell them you've been having a really hard time dealing with some of their actions. Talk to them about why you don't like what they're doing and why you think it is wrong. Also let them know that you want more for yourself and more for them -- that's why you've decided to branch out. Who knows? Maybe they'll wise up as well and decide to make some changes ... in that case, it makes what you're going through right now all worth while. And in that case, there is a happy ending.

But do we count on that? No. We hope for the best and prepare for the worst -- fully knowing your friends could get really pissed off, hate you and even treat you wrong. This is sad, but a fact of life and common to human nature. So, take the emotional hits and try to move on, knowing that you've made the right decision and that one day, your friends will see that, too.