Bisexual With Problems

Dear Dee:
I'm bisexual and I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend but none of my friends know. I want to tell them because it's something about me but some of them are big mouths and even if I just tell two of them my whole school is not going to talk to me. I know no one at my school likes gays.

There's also this girl and she's accused me and two of my friends of being lesbians and if she finds out my friend's feelings might get hurt because of me. Please tell me what to do.

I am afraid you've outlined an issue you have that you didn't really even intend to - you say you have a boyfriend and a girlfriend ... well, isn't that kind of two-timing? And regardless of whether you're bi, gay or straight, two-timing is never cool. Frankly, it's that type of behavior - playing both fields at the same time - that hurt your cause, as you aren't being responsible about your relationships and the feelings of others. Just because you like to date both sexes doesn't mean your not cheating because one is a guy and one is a girl - cheating is cheating.

Secondly, you can't keep yourself in the closet forever. You're going to have to figure out a way to let the people close to you know. I don't think you have to shout it from the roof tops, but I do think you need to be comfortable with yourself and comfortable with your life choices. And until your comfortable sharing, you're not able to be yourself around those you care about.

When is the time right? Who knows? But I think as you become more confident in your sexuality and are able to act responsibly then you'll sense when the time is right. It won't be easy, but you'll find that it's more important to let people see the real you, then to live with secrets and in fear of what others might think. Be confident. Get comfortable with yourself and with what's happening in your life. And if others you know decide to label you and others as lesbians or whatever, that's their closed-minded attitudes shining through and their problem. If you handle it with grace, dignity and pride, you'll get through it. And so will your friends.