Who Am I Without HIM?

Dear Dee:
My ex-boyfriend and I literally just broke up a few days after the school year ended. We had been dating since the 9th grade -- we are both going to be starting our senior year. Since we had been together so long, it is hard to imagine going through those doors without him by my side. I don't know who I am without him and I don't know what people will think now that I am not his girl. There are memories everywhere in that school -- and we even share some of the same friends. I don't think we will get back together, and I am finally fine with that, although it really hurts. But moving on is going to be so hard. Any advice?

OK. *imaginary slapping here* WAKE UP, sister and realize that you are your own person -- and your identity doesn't depend on who's standing next to you, but what you as an individual stand for, believe in and contribute.

I hate hearing about girls who think the fact they are now single makes them fall like four levels down on the social chain. I also hate hearing that they feel lost and don't know who they are without a guy. That's pitiful. It's weak and it's wrong. You are an individual with many, many things to offer this world, your friends, your family and yourself. You need to wake up and realize that instead of splashing around aimlessly in a pool of pity.

Now that the harsh talk is out of the way, I do want you to know I understand the emotional impact this breakup has had on you. The fact that your relationship was so long definitely adds a complexity to your return to school, but it doesn't make it unbearable. You just walk in there with your head held high, ready to experience high school life as a single girl raring to show the world she's able to make it, have fun and go with the flow. Show everyone that while you were so-and-so's girlfriend in the past, that's a label you have shed and want put in the past. Now you're YOU. And flying solo is gonna allow you to finally show what you're made up of.

When mutual friends come around, just be yourself. Don't act like it's odd to talk to them because you're not with that guy. They are still your friends and you have every right to be as friendly and outgoing with them as you want. Don't make them choose sides. That's just not cool. Be yourself and be a friend.

Lastly, when you run into your ex while at school, be cool. Seriously. There's no other way to be. You have a history and acting any other way (if your breakup was mutual and friendly) is unnecessary and disrespectful to the history you share. There may be a time when that history is irrelevant and it won't be necessary to talk to him or acknowledge it. But right now, you're in the same school and will more than likely have to communicate on some level. So just deal with it, move on and act like it's no big thing. It will get easier in time.

Your first day back will be nerve-wracking. But if you're armed with confidence, a support group of friends and a positive attitude, you'll come through it wonderfully and will get your year off to a GREAT start. Good luck.