When He's Using You

Dear Dee:
My very best friend is going out with this guy who is totally using her to get back at his ex-girlfriend. She won't believe anything I tell her and he denies everything. She says she may have fallen in love with him. I really want to expose him, but I don't want her to get hurt. What do I do?

I think you've already done all you can -- and the likelihood of your friend getting hurt is extremely high.

Look, a good friend tells a friend what she sees, what she's observed and what she knows to be true. If the friend takes that advice and chooses to disregard it, all you can do is continue to support your friend, give her gentle warnings when you feel it is necessary and just see how things play out.

What you don't want to do is badger your friend about her boyfriend, ignore her decision to stay with him and have her begin to distrust your motives. Your job at this point is to just keep observing, warn when it is appropriate and then be there when the flood gates open and everything you said turns out to be true. (By the way, don't make ‘I told you so' part of your comforting tactic!)

Of course, you can come up with some elaborate exposure plot to try to make this guy's evil intentions come to light, but in the end, your friend really needs to come to the realization that her guy's a creep on her own. And you being there for her will be a huge part in her healing.