Working Through Commitment Issues

Dear Dee:
I have serious commitment issues. I can't even have a boyfriend for a month without feeling trapped and tied down. The guy hasn't done anything to make me feel that way, it's just me. I hate this. I feel like I'm going to have dating issues the rest of my life if I don't overcome my fear of commitment. What should I do?

It's important to really zero in on what aspect of commitment makes you nervous. Are you afraid someone will put too many restrictions/conditions on your independence? Or maybe for now, you just want to fly solo and not really have to ‘check in' with anybody other than your parents.

Either way, it's actually just something you've got to work through. If it's you stressing about someone tying you down, then working through your trust issues and the fact you do have say and control in a relationship is key. When you're dating, it's all about trial and error! You're not bound to a guy for eternity and if you don't like something he's asking you to do or telling you not to do, then dump him! You are only dating -- and still have full independence and control over all aspects of your life. The sooner you realize this, the easier it will be for you to kind of sit back and enjoy a relationship without calling it quits before there is even a problem.

Having a boyfriend doesn't mean having a jail warden or another authority figure. It means you have a ‘companion' and someone to share things with. And if the guys you choose seem to be more firm-handed then take note and look for someone much more easygoing. Believe in yourself -- that you will find someone who complements your independence and allows you to be in a relationship, BUT to still feel free and fully individual.