Mom, I'm Growing Up ... Really

Dear Dee:
I am turning 18 and my mom still treats me like I am 13.

She's not treating me like a baby or anything like that, but she won't let me make my own decisions. I want to move when I get out of high school. But she is preventing me from beginning the process of moving. I know it hurts her to think of me moving out because we have been through so much. What should I do?

If you feel it's time for you to be out on your own, then when you're 18, you most definitely can do that. While your mother may have different reasons for not letting you make your own decisions, it's important that you go the extra mile to show your mom that she's raised you right and she's taught you how to be responsible and make good decisions.

Regardless of what you've been through with your mom, it's also important for you to remember that while you're changing and starting a new phase in your life, you're leaving also starts a new phase in hers! Your mom goes from being this nurturing, end-all decision maker to being an observer and occasional advice-giver in her adult child's life. She almost goes from parent to friend. And sometimes it's hard for parents to adjust to their changing role. Seriously! It's like one phase of their life has ended and another one that's a little more scary begins.

So if you're mind's made up and you know you're ready, just give your mom time. She'll come around -- especially if she knows you're determined. She would probably appreciate some assurances, too, that you moving out doesn't mean she's no longer a part of your life -- it just means your relationship kind of moves out of parent/child mode and into loving friendship/guidance mode. So love up on your mom, let her know you care and give her props for how she's raised you -- an independent person who has drive and motivation to get out into the world and make a place in it.