Earning Trust & More

Dear Dee:
I'm 16 years old. I'm a decent kid; I have a great personal life and a girlfriend who I love to death. My problem is my parents. I love them both and they love me but the problem is they don't trust me with anything and even worse, they are completely paranoid about EVERYTHING!

I know that I've done some stupid things in the past and I'm not going to say I'm perfect, but they seriously don't want me to do anything. I completely have to hide my entire personal life from them. They've even taken the liberty of scaring away my friends who have tried to hang out at my house. I want to break it to them in an easy way that I'm grown up and can handle myself OUTSIDE their house and protective arms.

I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I'm going crazy. It's summer and I used to do OK when there was school and I could socialize with kids, but now I'm cooped up doing nothing.

Parents have a funny way of latching on to what we've done wrong and kind of not letting us live it down -- especially when we've made up for it and proven ourselves now trustworthy.

So, if you feel you've done this, then a heart-to-heart talk with your mom and dad is probably what needs to happen here. The most important thing for you to do is approach this talk as an adult -- not as a former kid, who's done a few things wrong, who's now reformed. Let them know you've really grown up and you're not even in the same state of mind as you were when those previous ‘crimes' were committed.

Keep your head cool, your tone respectful and speak to them from the viewpoint of someone who wants to take on more responsibility and who wants to be treated more as an adult instead of a well-monitored kid. Also let them know you'd be happy with them loosening up the apron strings a little at a time, and that you'd like to take on more freedoms and responsibilities as they see you can handle it. Yes, I did just add responsibility in there ... because with freedom comes responsibility -- whether it's how you handle yourself outside your parents' view or whether they ask more of you because they're giving you more freedom. Be prepared for it and embrace it. Don't complain.

Good luck and do your best to really talk to them respectfully and mindful of the fact they have your best intentions at heart. The freedom will come. You've just got to prove you deserve it.