Private School Punishment

Dear Dee:
This year, my parents put me in private school because of some trouble I got in last year. This is freaking me out. I now have to wear a uniform, try to make friends with totally new people AND they won't let me see my old friends. This really sucks and I don't know how to deal with it.

Uh oh. I hate to hear you got into trouble (but I know it happens) and I hate to hear you're being punished by wearing uniforms. But private school? I am a product of it and it ain't that bad. (DISCLAIMER: Grammar was deliberately bad there. It is no reflection on private school education and its quality.)

So since I don't know your exact situation and the conditions surrounding your exile, let's just go for the obvious here and figure out how you can handle your transition. It won't necessarily be easy. But I promise you if you take it in stride, have a good attitude about it and just make the most of it, you'll value the experience and what you can learn.

Uniforms suck. I am the first to admit it, but in the eyes of all in charge at the school, they level the playing field when it comes to fashion. Of course, students see it as stripping away individualism and self-expression. And of course, that's true, too. But it's a rule. So we live with it and move on. It is what it is. Deal with it. Let the real you shine through with your personality, the way you treat others and the efforts you make to fit in, express yourself (in a proper manner) and handle yourself define what others think of you. If you really think about it, it's much harder to identify yourself when the element of fashion is taken out of the identity equation. Seriously. You're forced to express yourself in other ways and you can't hide behind designer labels and price tags.

Making new friends is also difficult, but if you go into school on the first day with an open mind, you'll soon realize that besides being the new kid, you're the new story, too. Kids will want to know why you're there. And if you opt to tell them of your ‘trouble,' that is great. If you don't, that's fine, too. But just know that how you act -- whether you give a resentful air about being in the school or whether you accept it and embrace it -- will determine how your new peers see you. So try to be accepting, conversational and as truthful as you see fit. It might be as simple as, "Well, my parents didn't like what was going on in the public school, so they decided to send me here for a year. We'll see how it goes." And there ya go. Enough said.

Bottom line is, transitions suck. New situations suck and being the new kid REALLY sucks. But your success will depend on your attitude. And while other situations may be out of your control, you most definitely are in charge of the attitude and perception you give others ... so the ball is in your court.