Parents Putting on Grade Pressure

Dear Dee:
My parents keep pressuring me to do better and better in school, and they don't understand that I already feel I am doing the best that I can. I study all the time, and still only make Bs and Cs. I don't know what to do and I really am starting to think my parents will never be proud of me -- no matter how hard I try.
I think I just thought of a new tongue twister, thanks to your question: Parental pressure is particularly plaguing because pressure for perfection is painful. Yeah. OK. Let's move on.

If you are truly trying your hardest here and the grades you're receiving are a direct result of that, it might be time you kicked this up a notch and relied on someone else to explain to your parents that what they consider mediocre is really star status where you're concerned. This person should be someone who recognizes the effort you put into your work and the struggles you have overcome to achieve your Bs and Cs -- which, by the way, are very respectable grades and can still get you into college. I would suggest a teacher or a guidance counselor, perhaps -- someone who's very much in tune with your struggles and your work ethic.

Parents sometimes are jerks. And I can say that because I have parents and am a parent. Sometimes, we just don't know when enough is enough when it comes to pushing expectations and we really don't know when to STOP pushing OUR unachievable or unobtainable standards onto our kids. Don't blame yourself for this. This is the fault of humanity, and the wish all parents have, to have their kids do better than, or at least as good as, they did in school and in whatever else they excelled at. We parents have to understand that our kids are their own individual people, that they achieve, learn and grow differently than we did AND are going to get through things just fine as long as we lighten up, and give support and guidance when necessary. We need to learn how to identify our children's best and take it at face value -- not read into it as underachieving because it doesn't live up to our expectations. Because you know what? Sometimes, that's going to happen.

So talk to someone who knows what you're dealing with in school and knows how hard you're working. Or better yet, give this to your parents and have them read it. Also talk to them about how you're feeling. Tell them you love them, want to make them proud, and hope they will be when they understand that what you are currently achieving is your very, very best. I hope this helps and I wish you luck.