Two best friends, a boyfriend and whole lot of drama

Dear Dee:
I've been dating this guy for about 8 months now, and I really love him. We've been through a lot together, before and after we started going out. There was a point in time, though, that he started getting into other things.

He was drinking more, smoking, and meeting all these girls through his band. When I said something to him about it, he got really pissed off. He broke up with me, and I was heartbroken. He started leading me on, saying he loved me and what not. But, then, went out with some other chick and said he didn't feel the same way about me. I know he sounds like a prick, but he still meant a whole lot to me and I didn't want to lose him.

So, we started hanging out as friends and I met some new people through him. My life was really starting to look up, and I developed a little crush on a friend of his. My ex broke up with his new girl and told me he still loved me. I thought about it for a week or so, and chose my ex.

I made it very clear that if he didn't clean it up, we would be over in a second. He promised, and four months later has kept to his word. He joined a new band, one that influenced him in a good way. He quit smoking, and he doesn't drink as much. He cares for me, and is overall a good boyfriend.

I'm still best friends with the one guy I had a crush on before. I have a lot of fun with him, but I don't have the same feelings as I did before. He doesn't either, and I hooked him up with this other chick. His and my boyfriend's friendship deteriorated, though. They're incredibly competitive with each other about their music. They got in this huge fight about who was leader of the first band, and whether each other's timing was off, etc. It was really stupid. So, I introduced my other best friend to crush guy. We all hung out, and they're friendship got pretty tight. Now, I kind of feel as I'm being kicked out of the three.

I'm always the bud of jokes and they don't seem to ever take me seriously. I feel like I'm losing them, and it's killing me.
Well, the reason I told you about my boyfriend's and my rocky past is that my two best friends always use this against me. They're telling me all the time that he's not who I think he is, and that he says crap about me all the time.

They say that he complains about me a lot, and flirts with other girls. Knowing what's happened before, I'm not totally closed to this. But, at the same time, I know where my friendship with them is going, so I don't really know what to think. Whenever I say I'm going to confront him about it, they try to stop me because they know he'll know it was them who said anything to me in the first place.

So, finally I got fed up with hearing all this, and called him up and asked him about it. I was firm, and made my point clear. Of course, he denied everything that was said and got extremely pissed off at them.

So, my two best friends are a little mad at me for getting them "involved", and my boyfriend's pissed at them for "making up crap". I don't like the fact that I got them in trouble with him, but it was getting to the point that it was necessary to say something. I feel in my heart that my boyfriend's sincere, but at the same time I can't imagine my friends lying to me.
What do I do?

It's always this constant thing between the two parties. I don't want to lose either of them. But, it's getting kind of ridiculous.

Um, do you live smack dab in the middle of drama central? Geez. I feel sorry for you -- this is ridiculous and tedious. It seems like a big waste of time, energy and emotional turmoil.

My gut reaction -- and I am going to be way honest here -- is really that this guy you're dating is a big loser. The fact you even entertain what your friends are saying tells me you don't trust him or have faith in your relationship.

The history you've explained shows me he doesn't really 'want' you, but is willing to play the part so no one else can have you either. He wants you as an arm ornament and when you're not around, you're a punchline. You're better than this. You deserve better.

I can only imagine the pain this causes you to hear, but i have a feeling you know it's true -- whether you're on good terms with these friends or not -- you know there's truth in what they're telling you.

It's time for you to step back, maybe cut yourself off from this group for awhile, and really gain perspective and order in your life. This type of drama can control every single aspect of your life until it consumes you to a point of non function. Get away from it. Clear your head. Get yourself back t0 basics and figure out what you should be doing in order to be successful, sane and virtually stress free.

It'll be hard, but it's the thing to do. You need a break! Your sanity depends on it.

Also consider whether or not these are the real people you should be hanging with. The drugs, the alcohol, etc -- it's not a good road and can only lead to more trouble.

Hope this helps ... and don't hate me for being brutally honest.