Dear Dee:
I'm usually the type of girl who doesn't fall for the guy.
My friends even came up with a nickname for me; black widow! Now, I don't understand these emotions of mine!
I met a guy through some friends. He's bisexual and acts very flamboyant! He's dating a guy now, but every time I'm around him I feel like his body language says a lot to me. We started out as GREAT friends. But this past weekend he was such a good friend, cuddle buddy and I couldn't help but notice how cute he is! I see him checking me out, making little hints, but I don't know what to think of it.
Is it some kind of reverse psychology on me (wanting a guy who might not want me back)? OR because of his sexual orientation, is he just wanting to befriend a girl? I have to say I don't understand bisexuality and don't get him at all either. I continually think of him and I don't want to go further or think it's a possibility.
Should I just slowly end the friendship so these feelings go away? Thanks for reading. You're the best!
Listen, if you are not comfortable with the way you are feeling or the way this guy acts towards you, then most definitely you need to get out of the friendship.
You have instincts for a reason. If you are feeling weird about his comments to you or don't like his flamboyancy, then you need to guard yourself and keep your emotions safe.
No one ever understands emotions. In fact, if we did they wouldn't be emotions -- quite often there is no rhyme or reason for how we feel. But you should always trust your instincts and your gut. It sounds like you're uncomfortable with your friend's cavalier dating behavior and might find his treatment of you a little inappropriate -- especially since he's dating someone else. If this is indeed how you feel and you want to keep him as your friend, then talk to him.
But if your instincts are telling you he's not the kind of person you should be friends with -- even though you have a great time AND think he's easy on the eyes -- don't ignore that. DON'T EVER IGNORE YOUR GUT INSTINCTS.
We meet great people all the time -- but that doesn't mean we can strike up relationships with every single one of them. Sometimes, even though we meet someone we really gel or click with, they just aren't good for us emotionally. I think this is where this guy might fall. My gut tells me you need to get out of it. Pull yourself together, then see where you stand.
BTW, thanks for the compliment! I'm having a horrible day and it made me smile!
Bisexual Friend MIGHT Be Putting On Moves ...
He Tickles Everyone But Me ... Reason?
I am studying in a private Catholic school and there's a guy who I have never really liked. Maybe because he is too difficult to be with (and the fact I'm a pious and devoted Christian.. and he isn't. He pisses me off whenever he mimics my actions. I really want to deal and fight with him and his egotistic ways, but I can't gather enough strength for I have to stand up for my principles in life and that is ---to never give way to cruelty.
And, of course. I can't hide the fact that being a teenager you can't escape the beauty and madness of what they so call CRUSHES/INFATUATIONS -- because I believe you can't find true love in this age -- I have a crush with a guy in our school.
He was my co-partner for we work together in publishing the school's newspaper. He's just oh so cute and admirable. Though sometimes he can be annoying, he easily makes jokes that somehow make me feel happy after a day of bad experiences. He quite knows that he like me, for many of our friends tease me whenever he's around. But, she has a best friend, who was also in love with him.
And the chances of having him decreases. And he acts so weird whenever I'm around, we do things and have fun together. He tickles all the girls in our batch, but he never tickled me. And my classmates say its because he respects me. I have absolutely no idea what you are asking me ... there doesn't seem to be a question in your diatribe ...
But I do challenge your statement you can't find love/infatuations at your age. Although it's not likely ... it does happen. I actually know people who are married and still together, who met in elementary school! It happens so don't play know-it-all ... I'm reading a lot of that in your email.
Anyway, I'll guess at your question ... maybe you want to know if the reason this guy doesn't tickle you -- even though he does every other girl in your 'batch' is because he respects you? Well, it could of course be that -- although I find it extremely inappropriate at 14, that a guy is walking around 'tickling' girls.
Actually, it's kind of disgusting. A guy who totally thinks it's OK to just walk up to girls at school and touch them through tickles (on the side? stomach? Do I even wanna know?) doesn't seem like someone who would respect any girl or their personal space. Eww. So maybe you should rethink your crush ... this guy doesn't sound like he actually understands boundaries and gentlemanly conduct.
We're Back Together, But Not 'Everywhere'
Dear Dee:
So I have dated this guy for over a over year now. I started to crush on another guy and so I wanted to break up and play the field. Well I found the break was bad because I really don't want to date other guys anymore.
So my bf and I got back together outside of school. It's gotten tough and I want to make it official everywhere but he refuses even though he just wants to be with me as well. You're lucky he took you back when you decided to change your mind. That in itself shows he cares about you. But you do need to get to the bottom of why this guy doesn't want to be your official boyfriend 'everywhere.' Is he ashamed of you? Is he embarrassed that he took you back or is he lying to you about everything?
Get to the bottom of that, and more than likely this rocky relationship will smooth out.
There could be some hidden hostility about the break up he's not telling you about or maybe he doesn't want to let everyone know you're back together until he's certain of it himself (which is kind of lame, btw). Do cut him a little slack, BUT don't be content to be the girlfriend no one knows about. That'll just lead to trouble down the road.
Likes Friend's Ex, But Friend Prob Won't Mind
Dear Dee:
I like this guy a lot! I really wanna go out with him. He's funny, sweet, smart and really cute. The problem is my friend has gone out with him and I have known her almost my entire life. She didn't like him much, though. She had a crush and then didn't care for him in that way. Should I go for it?
You don't have to ask your friend for permission to date this guy, but to avoid any future problems and to show your friendship the respect it sounds like it deserves, since you've been friends forever, you might just wanna run it past her.
More than likely she won't care -- especially if she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. But in the off chance she does care, are you prepared to give this guy up or strain relations with your friend? While it doesn't sound likely, it's something you should think about.
I've often said it is an unspoken rule among friends to not date each other's ex's, but to every rule there is an exception. I am thinking this is one of those cases, if she really is over him.
Leaving & Wants to Tell Him How She Feels
Dear Dee:
This boy and I have liked each other since the 2nd grade. Now we are in the 8th grade and I wanted to tell him I like him before I leave to go to a new school. I will still see him but I don't know what to do and it hurts me. He's been talking to other girls, too and not talking to me.
He may be avoiding you and not talking to you because he is also going through some mixed feelings about your all-too-soon departure. So don't let it get you down too much.
If you've known this boy so long, you probably have a gauge as to whether or not he actually likes you in the same way. Does he act differently around you? Does he treat you just like all the other girls? What do your instincts tell you?
Now remember, you are going to another school and there will be plenty of opportunities there, to find a guy. Don't be too quick to start something up at your old school, when maintaining a relationship might be since you won't be around as much.
You're going through a major change in having to change schools so I am sure you're anxiousness and pain stems a little from that. Try really hard to relax and take things in stride. If you feel you have to talk to this boy, then determine within yourself to do it calmly and deliberately -- and be prepared for how he'll react and what he might say.
Putting yourself out there can result in great reward or in a little more pain -- but either way, at least you'll know. Good luck and I wish you all the best at your new school.
Beach Vacation Ends In Freaky Situation
Dear Dee:
Something completely weird happened. Well last summer my family and I went to North Carolina to visit some friends.
There is this guy, he is 23 and he has a girlfriend. I'm 14 and he told me he's inlove with me! I don't like him at all I mean I barely know him and I don't remember really talking to him. He also saw me in a bikini when we all went to the beach.
The point is, he is mad at me for rejecting him because I told him I don't like him. I want to make things right but I don't wanna look stupid or hurt him even more. What should I do? Should I pretend nothing happened or talk to him about it?
Ewwww. The first thing that comes to mind is this is a dangerous, disgusting situation. You should in no way shape or form talk to this guy or even respond to any type of correspondence he sends you.
No good at all can come of this situation and it is not your job at 14 years old, to spare the feelings of a 23-year-old guy who is literally preying on you. Don't take this lightly. It is scary and dangerous.
You need to tell your parents right away and you need to not answer texts, phone calls or emails from this guy.
Although you say you don't remember meeting him, how are you getting this information?? Something doesn't quite add up with what you're telling me, but the bottom line is still the same. Stay away.
And again, TELL YOUR PARENTS. This is not a situation for you to handle.
Parents Say 18, But She's Ready NOW!!
Dear Dee:
My parents say I should wait to get my first kiss when I'm 18!!! I don't know how I am going to do it without telling my parents. What should I do?
I wish you'd said how old you are. But since you haven't, I am going to speak to this generally.
Parents around the world should not read this entry -- so if you are a parent -- STOP READING RIGHT NOW (PLEASE?)?
If you are ready for your first kiss, and you're not just trying to get one to get it out of the way, I can't imagine what would stop you. I think for the most part, teens running home to their parents to tell them they've just had their first kiss only happens on the Disney Channel. Seriously. Do we really want our parents to know we're kissing? I don't think so.
So, if you want to do it and feel you're old enough (are you??) and ready then do it. That's all there is to it.
Parents often throw out these arbitrary ages like 18 or 21 just because they're not ready to admit their kid is actually growing up and is getting ready to start relationships. Now, if it's a religious point of view or a conviction of theirs, I can't help you -- only you know how this was said to you.
But if you use care, think it through and also don't act stupid about it you'll be fine and don't sweat it. ... For lack of a better way to end this post, PUCKER UP, honey.
First, 2nd & 3rd Base and We're Not Talking Baseball
Dear Dee:
So I met this guy at a summer sports camp. I fell pretty hard for him. We went out for three months- it didn't work.
About a month after we broke up, we talked it all out, realized all our problems, and I couldn't be happier. We've been going out for nearly two months now. He lives an hour and a half away. We see each other about once a month. We're going back to this camp this coming summer.
It's possible I may spend a week with his family at his beach house. From the start, he asked me how far I was comfortable with going. I'm from a rather small suburb. This playing around stuff- no one does it here. It was really surprising. People don't usually go past making out. He's had several girlfriends and done a lot of sexual stuff. Mostly like, third base.He asks me how far I want to go. I don't really know. I know I don't want to have sex. That's just about it.What's wrong with like, second and third?
There's nothing 'wrong' with first, second or third ... the question is what are you comfortable with.
My fear here is you're not making a decision based on what you actually want -- you're making a decision on what he's done before. You've mentioned he's experienced -- or at least has said he's fooled around with a lot of girls -- so he's already putting pressure on you to maybe think about things you may not be ready to think of.
It's definitely cool you are having these conversations BEFORE finding yourself in a situation you don't want to be in -- that's actually quite mature of you. Most adults don't have that talk beforehand. So, great job there.
But all that aside, what do you want? What is your conscience telling you is OK for you? What are you ready for?
Just saying you know you don't want to have sex isn't good enough. Don't get me wrong -- that's extremely important to know you want to establish that boundary -- but since this is your first relationship and a relatively new one, you want to be careful.
If I can tell you anything here, it is to go with your gut and to fully go into any relationship knowing you are worth waiting for. You don't have to give in just because this guy's gotten it other places before. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with just because you want to keep him happy. Your body is yours and you have to live with your choices.
It's great to have a boyfriend and to want to show him how you feel about him, but doing something you aren't ready to do and living with that afterwards -- regardless of whether it's going to first, second, third or home -- is something you have to deal with. You have to look yourself in the mirror after the euphoria has worn off.
There is no need to rush anything. You have time and your relationship is still new. Be sure before you do anything and if he rushes you? Well, then that's a sign, too. ... a sign this guy has totally struck out.
