First, 2nd & 3rd Base and We're Not Talking Baseball

Dear Dee:
So I met this guy at a summer sports camp. I fell pretty hard for him. We went out for three months- it didn't work.

About a month after we broke up, we talked it all out, realized all our problems, and I couldn't be happier. We've been going out for nearly two months now. He lives an hour and a half away. We see each other about once a month. We're going back to this camp this coming summer.

It's possible I may spend a week with his family at his beach house. From the start, he asked me how far I was comfortable with going. I'm from a rather small suburb. This playing around stuff- no one does it here. It was really surprising. People don't usually go past making out. He's had several girlfriends and done a lot of sexual stuff. Mostly like, third base.He asks me how far I want to go. I don't really know. I know I don't want to have sex. That's just about it.What's wrong with like, second and third?

There's nothing 'wrong' with first, second or third ... the question is what are you comfortable with.

My fear here is you're not making a decision based on what you actually want -- you're making a decision on what he's done before. You've mentioned he's experienced -- or at least has said he's fooled around with a lot of girls -- so he's already putting pressure on you to maybe think about things you may not be ready to think of.

It's definitely cool you are having these conversations BEFORE finding yourself in a situation you don't want to be in -- that's actually quite mature of you. Most adults don't have that talk beforehand. So, great job there.

But all that aside, what do you want? What is your conscience telling you is OK for you? What are you ready for?

Just saying you know you don't want to have sex isn't good enough. Don't get me wrong -- that's extremely important to know you want to establish that boundary -- but since this is your first relationship and a relatively new one, you want to be careful.

If I can tell you anything here, it is to go with your gut and to fully go into any relationship knowing you are worth waiting for. You don't have to give in just because this guy's gotten it other places before. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with just because you want to keep him happy. Your body is yours and you have to live with your choices.

It's great to have a boyfriend and to want to show him how you feel about him, but doing something you aren't ready to do and living with that afterwards -- regardless of whether it's going to first, second, third or home -- is something you have to deal with. You have to look yourself in the mirror after the euphoria has worn off.

There is no need to rush anything. You have time and your relationship is still new. Be sure before you do anything and if he rushes you? Well, then that's a sign, too. ... a sign this guy has totally struck out.