Dear Dee:
Hello again.
A little while back, I sent you an email asking for advice on what to do about 'My words said no and my actions said yes.'
And a little while ago, I read your response and as any teenager who gets a lecture, I was a bit offended. But as I kept on reading, what you were saying made sense, so I stopped communication.
I had thought if i broke everything with him off, I would feel free. But I still felt this yearning. Well, last week I went to a conference and gave my life to God, now I am truly free!
I just want to thank you for urging me to stop and thank you for taking the time out of your own life to help me out. God is using you in such amazing ways.
Hey thanks for taking the time to read and truly absorb what I was trying to say. I love actually knowing people are reading and pondering on whether to agree/disagree with me! I am so glad you've found the strength to do the right thing and am hoping you can keep it up! Continue to learn, grow and understand your value and worth. You won't regret it. Best of luck to you.
'Words Said No' Sees Light
Parents: They're Good For What Ails Ya
Dear Dee:
I love reading your advice, it helps a lot of people, other than me. And when kids ask me questions similar to other questions you've answered, it helps them to talk to a friend, rather than their parents. Thank you!
Hey thank you so much for writing in! I love hearing from my readers and especially love knowing I can help you every now and then! But hey, don't short-suit talking to your parents. They're pretty smart and can help you out -- trust them with your problems, too ... they might just surprise you and give you some excellent advice. Remember, your parents can't help you fix a problem if you don't talk to them about it. Keep them informed. Keep talking to them. This will not only make you feel better, but it will also go a long way in helping you keep their trust.
Keep reading ... and keep writing!
Dee's Birthday: Let's Post Thank You's!
Today is my birthday. And, we're really never too old to absolutely love our birthdays. And, for me, one of the things that makes a birthday a little more bearable is being able to read how my experiences, advice and other life experiences have helped others. So, before I answer any questions today, I wanted to publish a few viewer responses. It makes me feel good ... and hey, it's my birthday ...
Thanks for the advice Dee!
It really helped! And don't worry, when I'm on TV, you'll be the first person I give a signed autograph to :).
*****
Dear Dee:
When you posted my response, I was very mad. I thought you were kind of mean and a little too harsh on me and my boyfriend. But I guess the things you said stuck with me, because I started looking at the way he treated me differently and I got exactly what you were saying. He wasn't treating me like I deserved. He was a jerk. And he really, really didn't deserve me.
I've broken up with him and am in such a happier place now. I had never thought of things in that way before. Thank you.
*****
Dear Dee:
I wrote to you on a dare from my best friend. Her and I were talking about some guy and she said 'you should write that advice person and see what she thinks, I dare you.' While I wrote you the email, we laughed and joked around -- we never thought we'd get anything out of it. Actually, we didn't even think you'd respond. But you did.
My friend is standing here with me now, and I think we are two of your biggest fans. Do you have any t-shirts or anything? We want to tell everyone how much we love reading your blog and how smart you are. Really, you're an inspiration and we love how you tell it like it is.
*****
Dear Dee:
I felt really stupid writing to you. Guys don't really write to into people for advice. But I did feel so desperate. I really really liked this girl but didn't know how to act around her. You told me how important it is to be myself and to have her like me for me. I see so many of my friends try to 'play' girls by telling them lies. But you also told me how important it is to be a good guy. I think I have taken that to heart. My mom has always told me she wants me to be a 'good boy' but hearing it from a stranger seemed to drive it home. Good guys do win ... and thank you for helping me understand how important it is.
*****
Dear Dee:
I have never written to you before, but I do love reading each and every post. I even spent one evening reading all your archives. I laughed, I cried a little and I learned. Thank you!
Readers Ask Dee Questions About Herself
OK. You've wanted to find out some info about me ... Dee! So, you asked these questions and I answered them. Wanna know more? Just ask away! I've answered quite a few below but there are more. I will add on as I get the chance! What made you decide to start Dear Dee?
Well, the fact I love giving people my opinion was a big part of my decision ... ha! I really love helping people. And I feel I have a lot to say about what young adults are dealing with in this weird, funky, wonderful world. Writing Dear Dee helps me remember we all deal with crud in our lives and it helps me keep perspective. It also is a great way for me to keep my writing, whit and sarcasm sharp (ha).
Seriously though, I was talking to one of my friends in the recent past, and when he asked me this same question, I literally said 'I have a heart for teenagers.' I believe this and stand by it. I want young adults to make strong, informed choices and I want them to live without regrets. Sometimes, this takes some guidance.
Sometimes, you say you aren't qualified to give advice on certain topics. What are those topics and why do you say that?
I am not a trained therapist. I have not taken anything other than basic psych classes in college. So, the advice I give is not clinical it's based on opinion and life experiences of myself and those around me. There are certain topics I just can't address -- especially topics where an individual is thinking of hurting themselves or others; such as suicide, cutting, drug use, abuse etc. These topics, while I care about them deeply and have convictions regarding them, are better dealt with by a professional. And in my opinion, when a reader has one of those serious issues, the best advice I can give the reader is to get professional help. And of course, I'll remember that person in my prayers.
Do you log on to like some sort of mesenger like aim,yahoo, or msn messenger; if you do and can you please give me your email?
I am an AIM girl, thru and thru. Have always loved it, and always will. (The fact I used to work for AIM has nothing to do with it!) Anyway, I have several personal accounts I use, but don't normally give those out. Although you're always welcome to email me at deardeequestions@gmail.com
Is you hair really red?
OK. My hair is really light brown, but I have been dying it red FOREVER ... and within the last few months, I added a pink streak in the front. I LOVE IT! I get compliments on my hair all the time. (I've even had people stop me on the street!).
When did you start 'Dear Dee'?
I've been writing 'Dear Dee' for about four years. I started it when I worked for AOL RED as the director of programming. A few years back, the RED staff was cut loose from AOL ... so I relaunched the site independently and changed things up a bit. I love writing it!
I am a journalist at heart and have been reporting for quite some time. I've been through a lot in my life and decided I wanted to help out those who just needed someone to talk to. ... I know if I had someone around in some of my situations, who would tell me the truth even if it hurt -- some things might've turned out differently.
Are you a Christian?
Thanks for asking this. I absolutely am a Christian. I was led to the Lord when I was 17 and recommitted several years back. I try very very hard to give advice based on Godly, Biblical principles. Sometimes, it's really hard to tell the truth -- even when I know it won't be popular. But I really do my best. And I fell 'Dear Dee' is a ministry HE wants me to pursue.
What is your favorite flavor of pie?
Oh this one is so so so easy ... I love chocolate pie. I make this fantastic one with Hershey's Chocolate bars ... and OMGoodness is it FANTASTASTIC. I also love cheesecake ... but is that a pie or a cake?
What is your sign/birthday?
I am a Gemini ... June 15 is my birthday, which of course is the BEST day of the year.
What is your favorite band?
Well, this one is pretty hard because I love tons of music. I adore Maroon 5 ... Love Matchbox Twenty ... and am crazy about the Davids -- Archuleta and Cook, that is. I also adore Rascal Flatts and a few other country bands.
What are your hobbies?
OK. I love to sew. I LOVE to sing (I actually am lead singer in a band) and I love movie trivia. I'm also addicted to Wii Fit .... Rockband ... and Guitar Hero ... yep.
What is your favorite movie of all time?
I love the classics. So if I could only pick 1 flick, it would be 'Gone with the Wind.' Now, if I could name a few, they would be:
Gone with the Wind, Titanic, ALL the Harry Potter movies, The Lord of the Rings Movies, anything Bette Davis and of COURSE TWILIGHT!
I remember when you were on RED, you always talked about Wentworth Miller. Is he still your favorite actor?
I have a major crush on Wentworth Miller. It's absolutely insane how hot I think he is. So the answer would be YES! He is still my favorite TV actor. My favorite TV actress is Katherine Heigl from 'Grey's Anatomy.'
What are your fave TV shows?
'Prison Break', 'Grey's Anatomy,' 'Gossip Girl' and 'Samantha Who?'.
Did you always want to be a writer?
No! I actually wanted to be a lawyer when I was growing up. But my first job out of high school was as an obituary clerk at my local newspaper ... and even though writing obits is way way way depressing, that's how I got my start in writing. My first editor told me I was a natural ... and writing has always just felt right to me. I love it. I love the creativity of it, the thought it takes and the mechanics. Writing is truly a passion for me. And I am thankful I fell into it.
Do you have brothers and sisters?
I am the oldest of 5 ... I have one sister and 3 brothers. My youngest brother just will be a sophomore in College -- baseball star! My sister is studying to be a nurse and my other two brothers both help my dad run the family business. All of my siblings are awesome and I am so thankful for them. (Even though my brother, when we were younger, totally shot me in the arm with a bee-bee gun ... and I have the scar to prove it. ...)
What are your favorite books to read?
OK. So I have to admit to loving the TWILIGHT series. I've read each book about 8 times. I also love the Harry Potter Books. Right now, I am reading the 8th Book in Charlaine Harris's Sookie Stackhouse Vampire mysteries series. I also just finished reading Confessions of a Shopaholic ... and I loved it (even if it is somewhat autobiographical).
'Coming Clean' is Coming Clean!
Dear Dee:
I am the girl who wrote to you about "Come Clean With Parents, Then Help Friend." I have decide to take your advice. I am pretty sure it will help and if not, I will know I tried. Thank you SO MUCH!
And Im gonna talk to my mom about the drugs thing.
This is great! You're doing the right thing. Telling your parents about the lie will really help you build trust -- even though it might hurt at first :-) . I am very proud of you.
Readers Want to Know about DEE
Dear Dee:
You help us out all of the time. I think it's time to spill the beans and tell US about YOU!
Hey, I don't wanna use our space to talk about ME! But, tell you what ... tell me what you want to know about me. Make them fun questions, K? Don't ask the ordinary ... get creative.
I'll pick 10 questions from random readers ... so send in as many as you want! Can't wait to get them and answer them ... I kinda feel like we're playing truth or dare! ... BTW, I won't answer anything inappropriate. So don't even go there.
Odd & Proud's Mom Meets Her in Middle
This reader is referring to her original question "Odd and Proud of It."
Dear Dee:
I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your advice, and that I found it very helpful. I have been trying to be less judgmental and more open to the idea of others and my mother. I've managed to form a tenuous friendship with a girl in my class, and she is helping me understand the others in my class, as well as helping them to understand me.
I had a long talk with my mother, and it turns out that she was always an outsider when she was in school, and didn't want that to me as well. After numerous, tearful, hugs, we seemed to have made up, and we're both trying to work with each other. I am dressing more normally, and being civil with the people at church (even the ones who tell me I'm going to hell).
She is working at being more accepting of The Viking Hordes (what we have decided on calling my friends J ) She actually decided she approves of John, and has been attempting to play matchmaker between the two of us (embarrassing, but kind of cool, too).
Thank you, once again, and I hope this email finds you in good health.
This is so great! I am really psyched you're patching things up with your mom and even more thrilled she is trying to understand you. This rocks and speaks volumes about what kind of mother she is! So many parents don't take the time to really get to know their kids. YOU ARE SO SO SO LUCKY! I hope you know that. Be patient with her. She's trying and make sure you do your part to try to understand her.
This is so amazing. Congrats!
Reader Shares First-Hand Experience
Dear Dee:
Right now, I don't have any questions for you, but I would like to say I LOVE your website!
I'm writing because I read the question from the girl who likes her best guy friend ("Figuring Out Feelings for a Friend"), and I have some comments for her. I just want to tell her I went through the exact same thing!
I was great friends with this guy, and I really liked him and everyone thought he liked me. We stayed just friends for about 2 years. But then, he asked me out, and I said yes. We went out for about 5 months, and then broke up. I realized I really just liked being his friend, and found that it's A LOT easier to talk to him and hang out with him when we were friends.
Luckily, we are still friends, and are just like we were before we started dating. So I would just like this girl to know, if you really think you like him, go for it!
If you do, and then decide to end the relationship, BE HONEST! If you like another guy, tell him! If you just wanna be friends, tell him! Best of luck to you and I hope this helped!
Thanks so much for sharing your personal experience! I have no doubt this first-hand info will be loads of help.
User: Why Bring God Into It?
Dear Dee:
I usually agree with what you say but I have to argue with the advice you gave to "Please help me" regarding "SI, Depression May Make Life Seem Hopeless".
I don't think you should have brought religion into the answer. She could have easily been atheist and not believed in a higher power. It is very possible that she does not believe a God has created her. Just saying that you should consider these things before giving advice like that! Thanks!Thank you so much for writing and you're most definitely allowed to have a different opinion than mine. Luckily, she asked for my opinion and I am dedicated to not censoring my thoughts or my beliefs. Of course, a reader can take them or leave them at will. I felt I had to say what I did. And that particular reader has been on my mind and heart a lot today.
Hey, while I have you -- remember, everyone: You can leave comments on each post by opening it up in a separate window and hitting the comment button ... please do it! I read as many as I can and LOVE getting your feedback -- even if you don't agree with me. Debate is healthy. And I appreciate it -- sometimes, you bring to light things I would've never even thought of.
Reader Says Dee's 'Brilliant' (Isn't That Nice?)
Dear Dee:
Thank you so much, you're right, I'm concentrating so much on what people think that I'm not treating myself how I should.
I've lived here for over a year, and I guess I've been so determined to not stand out so I can leave this place, I haven't given it a chance.
Though I feel like I need to start making decisions based on my future, as I am almost a senior, I guess I'm rushing and getting ahead of myself.
BTW, I love how you took my signature and used it as a figure to explain my situation. simply brilliant.Thank you so much! I am glad I made sense to you and helped you. For those of you who don't know, this reader is referring to the post: 'Being Pulled In Two Different Directions.'
Advice Taken & Pondered ... YAY!
Dear Dee:
I would like to thank you for the advice on being bisexual or a lesbian it helped a lot, and it made me think more...a lot more! So thank you and have a happy new year! 
You are most welcome. For those of you who don't know, this reader is referring to 'Video Causes Premature Conclusions.'
Reader Loves New Site!
Dear Dee:
I love your new design for Dear Dee! It's a lot more, hmmm, professional (and by professional I mean sexy) I love it and your blog. I can't wait for your next entries!
THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH! PLEASE do me a BIG favor and tell all your friends! http://askdeardee.com is the place to be!
Reader Talks To Mom, Gets Results
This reader is responding to this post: Is My Mom Cheating On My Dad?
Dear Dee:Thanks for your help.I spoke to my mom and now she doesn't text "him" as much as she used to. But she doesn't wear her wedding ring.I'll just keep my nose out of it and wait ... I mean it could be worse, couldn't it?
I am so proud of you for talking to her! That took great courage. Just keep your chin up and don't be afraid to ask questions. This is about you and your family ... it is most definitely your business!Comment Sparks Debate
Dear Dee:
I want to respond to your most recent post "Did Dee get it wrong?".
I don't know where to start with this person. Let me just start by saying that they way you are so disgusted with homosexuality, is the same way I feel about ignorant people like you. How dare you say that someone can't be themself? You say that their lives are "disgusting" well more people are disgusted by your lifestyle then a homosexual lifestyle; I don't BELIEVE THAT YOU TOLD DEE SHE WAS ENCOURAGING HOMOSEXUALITY!!
That just made your stupidity that more visible! If you ever have known a homosexual person and seen their confusion that they go through, not to mention the CRAP LIKE YOU PEOPLE give them! That person wrote to Dee for COMFORT and a just for someone to lean on! I hope that YOUR CHILD or a LOVED ONE is homosexual, gay, or lesbian. See their pain and maybe that'll make you a better person and not so closed to lifestyles!
Happy Holidays!
PS - Dee thanks for being there for people who are confused and need advice; your open to society and it makes it that much easier to talk to you. Thanks for being there for the ones who need it.
Thank you to all my readers who write back regarding my posts. I encourage you to do that! Agree with me, disagree with me and even agree/disagree with each other!
Since we had two very different opinions here (this post and the one the writer is referring to) I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know that future enhancements of Dear Dee will include commenting where healthy debates can actually take place! I really look forward to reading your thoughts and comments when the capability is added and never ever doubt how much I LOVE getting emails from of all you.
For me, writing 'Dear Dee' is a passion and I value your trust and loyalty.
Please tell your friends about 'Dear Dee' ... how about sending everyone on your email address book a note to check out the new site? I'd GREATLY appreciate it.
Dee
Did Dee Get It Wrong?
Dear Dee:
I'm responding to your response to the girl who was confused about her sexual orientation. You told her that it was a good thing that everyone is so open about sexual orientation. I do not agree.
Gay and lesbian relationships are wrong, and I don't think you should be encouraging young teens to become gays or lesbians. It is not an alternative lifestyle, it is an inappropriate, wrong, and not to mention gross, lifestyle. I know that you do not agree with this, but I know that I am not the only teen who believes that homosexual relationships are wrong, so I ask that you respect our beliefs and do not encourage other teens to become homosexuals in the future.
Merry Christmas!
Reader Sends Wishes
Dear Dee:
I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new year! You are an awesome friend! Hope to see you soon!
From One Advice Giver to Another ...
Dear Dee:
I have been reading your advice columns, and I have to say, you have the same mindset as me. You are a very talented, giving person and I commend you on your act to help those confused young adults.
There are some very challenging subjects on your page, and I think you handled them gracefully. I am an advice giver myself, and all the things you said would have been my first choices. I have given advice in the past and it resembles these questions and even these answers. Thank you for making such a wonderful site, I commend you.
Keep rocking and spreading the know,
Kenn
PS: Thank you!!
Dee's College Advisor/Professor/Friend Sends Greetings
Dear Dee:
I just want to let your readers know how great this idea is. They're lucky to have you there when they need you.
When you were editor of our school paper and a student in other classes I taught, I was always impressed by your professionalism and perseverance. The newspaper had a great upswing in style when you were at the helm and, frankly, I admired the way you got work out of your staff.
Now you're doing valuable work on your blog for and with people who both need and want to hear what you have to say. If I weren't so old that I can't remember what problems I have, I'd seek your advice as well. (Oh, I just thought of a problem you can try to answer: "Why does a person gain ten pounds when he/she eats only one pound of chocolate?" That's always intrigued me.)
Anyway, keep up the good work. Your wisdom from both experience and research is an asset. Your readers are lucky folks.
Jim Wilcox
Professor of English and journalism
Southern Nazarene University
Bethany, Oklahoma
Ex Pot-head Speaks Out
Dear Dee:
I am a 51-year-old father of four children and have six grandchildren. I have some advice for people who are potheads.
I was a pot head for 20 years and quit. I have been clean for 13 years now and am glad I quit. I almost lost my wife, my family and my profession for a stinkin' BUZZ.
The pot use took almost 75 percent of my memory and it has taken 13 years to get back 60 percent of it. I really don't know if I WILL EVER BE NORMAL AGAIN.
The effect of chronic pot use is now tied to early dementia. And who knows what else it does to your brain.
Please tell the young people of this generation that it is not worth it.
Sir, we really thank you for giving us some real-life perspective on this. We all wish you the best and admire you for being able to pull yourself out of a destructive habit. We're thankful you realized the consequences and quit when you did. While what you're describing is horrible, we do realize it could've been much worse. We're so glad you're still here with us to warn us.
Thanks!
Dee
Dear Dee:
I very much enjoy reading your blog and was intrigued by a recent entry about the girl whom, at 16, wants a baby.
This intrigues me cause I have felt the same way for quite awhile (I'm 17). My older sisters have kids and I love them to death but babysitting them, I know how much work they are, and I'm not even there 24/7!
I can't imagine doing that on top of my other work, and school even with help (btw kudos on raising yours as a teen). If it's possible could you pass a message to the girl for me?
I was thinking maybe she could take a couple babysitting classes, then she could spend time with little ones (while earning money) and get a better idea on how much work they are. Thank you very much.
