My Words Said No, But My Actions Said Yes

Dear Dee:
I started working last year an I made heaps of new friends -- one in particular.

He's 18 and I just turned 15. We started of as friends and about a month in he asked me out, I made excuses so I didn't have to go out with him.

Well we've been hanging out and once again he asked me out. I made up excuses again. You see, I really like him but don't want to do out with him. I like the fact he is a hot, older guy, who drives me around. So this went on and on.

I lead him on for about a year. Then one night I suggested we go take his new car out for a spin, we ended up an hour away from home and at the beach. We had never done anything, not even kissed. So when he started to make a move on me it was confusing.

I didn't give in for a while. I started getting really cold and he suggested lets go to the car. Being as naive as I am, I hopped into the back seat and we sat there arms around each other. He started doing things and before you knew it we had sex. And now he wants it from me all the time.

I still won't go out with him. I want to be just friends. I do not love him. He says he loves me. I believe he does. But I am just not at that place with him. I don't want to have sex with him and I want him to leave me alone and stop texting me and bothering me. How can I make him leave me alone?

Sister, you made a huge mistake here -- HUGE -- and now you're paying for it. But it is not the end of the world and regardless, if you say NO -- it means no and this fool should back off.

I hope you can look at this situation and see all the things wrong with it -- but if you can't, please let me point them out as this is a huge learning opportunity.

• You used this guy because you wanted to be chauffeured around
• You deliberately played on his feelings for you by asking him to do things for you and spend time with you
• You didn't stick to your guns when it came down to business -- you let him take things too far.

Every step of the way, your words said one thing to him, but your actions -- you taking advantage of him -- showed him something else. And what do we always say? Actions speak louder than words.

When push came to shove, you had sex -- even though you said you didn't want to date him or have a relationship with him. What type of signal does that send?

You've proven that at 15, you do not have the will power or the self-respect to do what's right. You've also proven you don't necessarily know how to treat other people. Yeah, this guy is older and should be able to take care of himself, but that doesn't give you the right to play with his emotions.

Now the lecturing aside, you've made a mistake and now you're living with it -- but you've also got to DEAL with it. This means you need to really lay down the law where this guy is concerned. If you don't want to see him, DON'T. Friendship doesn't seem possible right now. So don't try to salvage it. Maybe later, but it's just not going to work out right now. Keep your distance and don't put yourself in a situation where things could escalate out of hand again. Don't answer his text messages. Do not give him any reason whatsoever to hope there's a chance with you. You've got to be very, very direct and deliberate.

Please remember, this whole situation was/is bad news. It' bad news for this guy and it's bad for you and your character. You're worth so much more than being known as the girl who jumped in the backseat with a guy she's not even romantically interested in. Figure out who you are and what you stand for. Use this mistake as a chance for you to evaluate what you want to become.

One last thing. I do worry a little bit about this guy being older than you. So, if you feel threatened or in danger in any way, please tell an adult you trust. Put your pride aside and ask for help if he doesn't leave you alone. No means no and if you don't want to see or talk to him again you shouldn't have to. So don't take any chances.