Dear Dee:
I have been talking to this guy for over a year now, and in the beginning, everything was wonderful. He was so sweet, and understanding.
We loved to spend time together and he was so affectionate. Well the year has since passed and things are extremely different. I thought everything was going fine until one night my intuition said to check his phone. When I did, I found text messages from other girls in he was flirting with. It broke my heart, because he said he had feelings for me and I thought we were getting closer to a relationship.
He told me those girls were just people he flirted with because he was 'immature' and it was me he really wanted. But now he's telling me he's not ready for a relationship, and that he has feelings for me AND his ex-girlfriend. Not to mention there is another girl who just happens to claim him also though he says they are just friends.
I try to walk away, but he constantly says he and his ex will not get back together, and the other girl he is not interested in, and that he still wants me around.
But if he is still immature and not ready to be in a relationship with me, what is the point?
I'm really confused because while I have developed strong feelings for him, I know it's gonna be hard to be just friends with him, though he says in the future he wants to be in a relationship with me. And we are constantly going back in forth with each other.
Should I just be his friend and hope for the best? Or should I just leave this all behind?
I have no doubt this guy wants you around -- he wants you with him so he can jerk you around and see you dance, spin, grovel and chase him until HE wants you to stop. He wants you there so he can fool around with you when he's in the mood for it and can pull out the friendship card whenever he's not. He's playing you. He's using you and he wants you there when all these other little flings he's got going on don't pan out.
So, here's the questions you need to answer: Are you his little play thing? Do you deserve something better? And, lastly are you WORTH being treated better than this?
The answers to these questions should be: NO. YES and YES.
DO NOT sell yourself short. Don't pretend his treatment of you is OK, because it's not. It's typical jerk behavior from a guy who's not only a jackass, but one who doesn't know how to treat a woman right -- therefore, he doesn't deserve ANY girl.
Be confident. Be deliberate and most of all, know beyond on a shadow of a doubt this is behavior you don't need, don't deserve and most definitely don't have to put up with. I know it will be painful since you have feelings for him, but you've got to nip this in the bud and kick this I-Can't-Write-This-Word-In-My-Blog guy to the proverbial curb. And, if you're really pissed, feel free to call up all the others he's playing and let them in on the secret.
You're worth having. And you're worth a committing to a real relationship with. Don't you ever, ever doubt it.
He Wants Her, But Doesn't Want Relationship
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9 comments:
Thanks for the post and your answer Dee. I'm in an exact same situation, except my so call relationship only last for about 3 months or so. After we broke up I found out that he cheated on me with his ex-gf. Even though the reason for the broke up was simply because he's happy to be single. He doesn't want a committed relationship and he thinks he still have feelings for his ex-gf. Anyhow, I'm so determine that I'm not going to let him control my emotion anymore. I still think about him every once in a while, not because I'm so in love with him though. I was so mad at myself at first and of course mad at him for treating me the way he did. I'm moving on!!! Thanks to you :-)
date.... it is a emotions... it is a bodies... it is a fillings..
tactile sensations of people are very interesting. I was always attracted to men who are able to cause a tsunami of emotion only a touch. Naturally, the visual contemplation of the object of adoration leads to the correct reactions in the body of any male / female representative of humanity. reservation - a mature and adequate. All this helps us to be at the forefront of relations. just see and see if something good for you.
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Hi dee, I really enjoy reading your blog and the post you've shared. It's really interesting. Based from the scenario the guy is obviously playing your feelings and I know that it's really hard to accept. I know that as a girl who develops deep feelings for him you have to move on and find someone who is matured enough and who deserves you.
my boyfriend and i have been together for about 4 years now we had our own apartment and everything. i made a mistake by inviting another woman into our sex life and now she is pregant and keeping it. they were messing around before i even meet her and when i left and we out of town he invited her over to stay the time while i was gone. now he says he dont want a relationship but still has me around he say he loves me and i love him to but its a part of me that just wants to walk away but i cant
^^^^ you really need to just walk away. Run! Don't walk! He has disrespected you in every way imaginable!
It sounds so much like my frenchman! Beware! They use any excuse to have their cake!
Dee i use to date this guy when we were 17 we was madly jn love with me well we broke up and here we are now after 6 years we met again we started dating for like 2 months and he freaked out he told me he doesnt want to be in a reltionship anymore but the thing is that he still comes over everyday he caresses my hair and kisses my hands and cheeks and when we drink we make out... what is it exactly that he wants?
Im in the same boat ladies I have been dating this one guy since i was 5 month pregnant. He was not the father of my baby. We became really close ended up sleeping with one another i end up falling inlove with him. But intentionally didnt expect it. Another thing my mom and older sister was suspicious about him because he has three kids all by the same woman. So my mom automatically expected that he was still with her. Red flags were there still is. He doesnt answer my phone calls he will text me on the afternoon then all of a sudden not text me again through out the entire day. I never met his parents or his two other kids he says he live with his mom but i only been to his moms house once when his parents werent home. So many times i suspected he was hiding something but i avoided it because i fell inlove with him. So its almost valentines day which is my bday and he starts to act real distant and did i mention he gotten really offended when i ask why he always had his kids and why his ex seem like she rarely had them andd thats when i also ask does she work. He then said why you want to know about my baby moms for she doesnt concern you what she do is her business his tone was so foward towards me. And another thing he doesnt want a relationship with me because the excuse is i have a four month baby i have to focus on were both busy in these days of time. But really im thinking if you wanted to be with me you would just because you wouldnt mind being with someone you love. Or having me around you. It hurts me because im really thinking he doesnt love me the way he says he do and that he just may be with his ex again. Im so sad ladies. I love him so much but i also dont want to feel this way. I also wouldnt want to expect someone i love to just do me so bad like that
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