When Things Got Tough, He Split ...

Dear Dee:
I started seeing a guy who had never been in a serious relationship, nor had he had sex.

A month after seeing one another, we solidified our relationship, and within a week was confessing his love for me. I denied it at first because I simply thought it was mere infatuation.

He kept refusing my explanation and from how he treated me, I started to believe him. He paid attention to every detail and took care of me and acted so happy around me. All of his friends noticed what a change he had made and what a happier person he seemed to be. His friends started teasing him a bit because of how he acted around me. He just wasn't the person they were used to being around.

Anyway, he gave me no impression his feelings of excitement were dying yet he immediately went from "I really do love you and would never want to break apart" to a text message saying"I think we need a break, I am not feeling it anymore and haven't been having a lot of fun lately."

He still has refused to speak to me and although I refuse to chase him, I simply cannot understand how feelings like that can change overnight unless it is simply a matter of immaturity and selfishness. Am I correct with this assumption?

You are totally correct in your assumption. Immaturity, selfishness and just generally being an ass definitely account for the behavior this moron is displaying.

He seriously broke up with you in a text? Not only is that something fifth graders do, it shows his complete lack of class and dignity. Ugh. It also shows his 'feelings' were nothing but words he was using to take advantage of you and draw you in. I guess now you know why he'd never been in a serious relationship -- he doesn't have the staying power!

Look, this is not your fault. And while you say you're not chasing after him, it still has to hurt. Do your best to console yourself that anyone who treats you like this is not worth your time and definitely not worth your tears.

Walk away knowing that next time, you want to really wait for someone who is more mature and stable, vs. a relationship novice is runs at the first sign of trouble. Since when are relationships all about fun? That he made, in itself, is enough to show he has the relationship maturity of a grapefruit -- and you don't need that.

Don't call him. Don't return his text messages. Give him his space. And if he comes back with mountain-sized apology and you're feeling up to giving him a pardon, then do it -- but be on your guard. Most guys can't grow up overnight -- especially one who doesn't even have the guts to break up face to face. Those kind of losers more than likely will never get a clue.