Does My Best Friend LIKE LIKE Me?

Dear Dee:
One of my best friends is a boy and all my friends joke around with me and tell me he stalks me and loves me or whatever. I don't know if he wants to be friends or more. He always comes to my house after school and texts me non stop. He also touches me sometimes in a non-friend way. I don't know what to do or what to think. If he likes me or if he just is my friend.

So, I say just go with it and who gives a freak what your friends say. Right now, you two are friends and you're enjoying it -- you say yourself he is one of your best friends. Enjoy that! Spend time together and have fun. And if it leads down a different road later, then great. If not, so what -- you still have a guy who you love to spend time with as your friend.

On the touching, etc. ... he could be trying to give you hints. But don't read too much into it and don't be self-conscious about it. Now, if the touching bothers you, maybe you could think of a tactful way to let him know. And if it doesn't, again ... just go with it.

Your friends could be onto something or they could just be yakking needlessly. The bottom line is to see how you feel, see how he feels and enjoy your time together -- as friends or maybe someday, more.

15 & Freaking Out: Lesson Learned?

Dear Dee:
I'm 15 years old and have been with my boyfriend for just over two months. We had sex for the first time 3 days ago. It was the first time for both of us and we didn't use any protection and I'm not on the pill. After he left I got paranoid, and so I checked up on the Internet and it said my most 'fertile' dates were approximately from the Friday till the Tuesday and we had sex on the Monday. What are the chances of becoming pregnant (he pulled out)? I can't tell my parents cause my mum would totally flip out. Please help me! I'm freaking out!

Good. Freak out. You can freak out for the next 3 weeks or so while you wait to see if you get your period. ... And even then, it's no guarantee you're not pregnant (periods can still come when you're in the early stages of pregnancy).

It is really hard to be sympathetic to anyone who irresponsibly and knowingly does something that could alter his or her entire life. Come on! You are 15 years old and showed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, you have no business having sex or really, even being in a relationship because you're not responsible enough to handle it.

I really have no problem saying these things to you (and I do say them out of love! I really, really do) because I've been in your shoes and know the consequences of your actions -- I've lived them and had to learn the hard way how absolutely unfit I was to make such decisions.

Sex messes with your emotions in a way other romantic contact doesn't. It is intimate and contains an emotional component that, if you're not ready to handle, can absolutely ruin a relationship and can mess you up in other areas of your life. I don't say this to scare you, but at 15, you're just not ready to deal with the feelings, attachments and insecurities that sometimes come along when sex becomes a part of a relationship. Studies show, girls become more clingy to their boyfriends after sex, become more insecure in their own bodies and often withdraw from their friends, family life and school. All of these are side effects of just not understanding how to deal with what you're body and mind are going through after experiencing something so intimate and personal.

No form of birth control is 100 percent. And the method you used is quite frankly, not a method at all. Women -- and girls -- become pregnant all the time this way. If you're not responsible enough to talk to your mom about birth control, you're not old enough to have sex. (And actually, I think if you have to talk to your mom because you need her consent to get birth control, it's a pretty good gauge you shouldn't be having sex ... wait until you just have to ask for advice and are old enough to DRIVE YOURSELF and pay for the prescription yourself ...)

If you're lucky enough to NOT become pregnant from this episode, once the 'freaking out' subsides, I am hoping you'll keep a hold of how you felt during your worry time and realize how important it is for you to grow up a little before putting yourself in this position again.

What's She Really Want: Dating or Sex?

Dear Dee:
My family doesn't want me to have sex or let a boy come over to my house. I have a boyfriend and we are really close. We want to spend more time with each other, other than being at school. I'm afraid of what my family will think. I don't want to sneak out of the house because I want to be able to tell my parents where I am, but I don't think they will trust me. What should I do?

A sure fire way to make sure your family doesn't trust you is for you to get caught sneaking out or letting them find out on their own you have a boyfriend. So, just tell them! Seriously. If you're old enough to date, you should be old enough to be upfront with those who care about you and let them know what you're doing. Suggest to your parents you have him over for dinner or for a movie night. Or even go as far as to ask your parents to drop you off and pick you up -- until they're more comfortable.

Now if you don't feel like you can talk to your parents, I really mean it when I say then, you're not ready for a boyfriend. And most guys don't like to be 'secret' boyfriends anyway ...

Sneaking around doesn't do anything for anyone except get you in a whole lot of trouble. And want you want to do right now is prove to your family you are responsible and can handle yourself whether you're at home or out on a date. Being upfront with them in regards to your boyfriend will do that.

Now, I have to admit to having LOL'd when I read your first sentence ... Are you surprised your parents don't want you to have sex? I mean come on! How many sane, caring parents throw a pack of birth control pills or condoms at their young adults and say 'go have sex, but be home by 10 p.m.'

SLOW DOWN! Going out with your boyfriend doesn't mean you need to run out and have sex. You aren't even at the point where you can tell your parents you have a boyfriend! What makes you think you're old enough for sex? Please step back and think things through. Don't rush into things and don't do anything you're going to regret later.

You need to take a step back and think about what's really going on here. Are you into dating this guy or is the first thing popping into your mind, when you think of spending time with him, sex? What's your real goal?

If it's dating, then I've told you what to do -- be upfront with your parents and prove your trustworthy. If it's sex ... I kinda hope they don't let you out of the house until you're old enough to understand how irresponsible and cavalier your thinking is.

For Now, Friendship Will Have to Do

Dear Dee:
I like a boy a lot. He knows I like him and he told me he likes me, too. But for now he just wanted to be friends and see where it takes us. I don't know what to do though because I think he is computer dating. What should I do? Should I just forget about him or should I just wait?

I don't think this guy seems entirely silly by telling you he likes you and wants to see where friendship takes you. I can see how that might come off as him putting you down gently, but hey he could really mean that he just wants to get to know you better before getting involved. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that (actually, it's quite smart).

So, I'd get to know this guy, see what he's made of. Upon closer examination you may find being friends is best -- that he's not your type of boyfriend material. And all you've done by investing some time and energy into a friendship is acquired a new friend -- and that's always a good thing.

Since I am not sure how he said this to you, how long you've known him or any of the particulars, if you think he's just letting you down gently, then go with your gut and move on. I am not quite sure what you mean about computer dating -- in all actuality, he's probably not old enough -- so anything he's doing online, he's having to lie to do.

Unprotected Sex, Mixed Signals & the 'What If'

Dear Dee:
I have a best friend who is absolutely amazing and we care about each other like you wouldn't believe. He's a genius, an incredible athlete, and just an all around amazing person.

One of my problems is I don't understand how he can tell me how much he loves his girlfriend and yet he constantly tells me how he wishes we were together and he thinks he loves me. We aren't doing anything, but it confuses me.

On top of all this is my actual problem: He and his girlfriend recently had sex (he's 15, she's 14) and didn't use protection. He says they're being smart about it, but he's being an idiot and she's going to end up getting pregnant. He has such a bright future ahead of him, but I'm scared he's going to get her pregnant and have to change everything. How can I get through to him that he needs to use protection without him getting mad or thinking I'm jealous?

Hey, being a friend forces us sometimes to tell our friends things that will make them mad or will make them think we're jealous. So neither of those reasons are an excuse for you to keep quiet. You should most definitely get in your friends face and tell him he's being an absolute idiot (and his girlfriend's no better.) There is no way to 'be smart' when you're having sex without birth control. (Let's not even talk about the fact none of you are old enough to have sex at all ... seriously. It's rather ridiculous ... no wonder you're in a disastrous emotional relationship triangle.)

So, the very first chance you can, talk to your friend. And if that doesn't work, yell at him. And if that doesn't work, threaten to tell his parents ... because if nothing else, that'll get his attention.

Now, your other issue ...I know you think your friend is great, has promise, etc. And I am sure he does. But there's something really sleazy about sleeping with a girl (his girlfriend) and telling another girl (you) he loves her. How would you feel if you were his girlfriend and you knew of this? If you're the kind of girl I hope you are, you'd feel horrible. So honey, shut him down. Tell him not to talk to you that way while he has a girlfriend. And that, if you two do get together, you'd expect to be treated with more respect than he's treating his current girlfriend.

It's harsh, but hey ... you both need to straighten up and start living your lives like you actually are responsible young adults. ... and these would be some fantastic first steps.

Time to Tell the 'Rents about the BF

Dear Dee:
I just started dating this really great guy. He wants me to go on a boat with him and to the movies and stuff but my mom doesn't know I'm dating him. She doesn't know I've had boyfriends in the past either.

I keep telling him I can't go, but it seems like it's hurting him. What can I do to stop hurting him and can hang out with him? I'd have to lie or tell my parents about him, right?

You need to tell your parents.

Listen, if you think you're old enough to have a boyfriend, then you should be old enough to be honest to your parents and be responsible for your actions. And you are hurting your boyfriend here! Part of going out with someone is spending time together -- and you're not doing that. So of course he's suspicious and knows something is up.

Think of how you'd feel if you had a boyfriend, who, every time you asked him to go somewhere, you told him you didn't want to or couldn't -- and didn't give him a reason. You'd think he didn't like you!

So, it's time to fess up to your parents. Approach them with respect and with a level head and voice. Tell them about your boyfriend and you'd like permission to hang out with him in supervised settings (because I am imagining you're probably too young to go out on your own but not sure ...). Also, ask your parents if you can invite him over so they can get to know him and are comfortable with him (if you bring this idea to them, it sounds like you're being responsible and proactive ...it's a good thing.)

Now, if your parents don't respond favorably to you when you reveal this to them, do not throw a fit. Be as composed as you can and ask them to give you a chance to prove you're responsible enough. And ask if you can start out by simply hanging out at your house or his (and if they need to talk to his parents, let them!) I know this might suck, but it's a good first step and it's better than the alternative of lying -- all that'll happen if you lie, is when you get caught, you'll get grounded ... probably forever.

Suicide Smashes Idyllic Freshman Year

Dear Dee:
This year was my freshman year in high school. It was a year my friends and I thought would be forever changing and we'd all be together to experience it. For us, it was like a right of passage; We were almost considered adults to our teachers and they wouldn't treat us like kids. But that all went down the tubes for us.

One of my best friends since Kindergarten killed himself. I was devastated, and still am. I live in New Hampshire and his death was the exact day the big ice storm took place. I never got to say goodbye to him.

It seems my other friends are having an easier time getting over it. I feel almost vulnerable to them and don't have anyone I can talk to about it. My parents tell me the same thing over and over again and I've tried.

Do you have any suggestions about what I could do to try and put it behind me faster? I live a life where school and family come first; my father is disabled, so I do most of the work around the house, and the stress of school catches up to me, then as I walk through the building and take me seat, I nearly cry every time I see that one empty seat that once belonged to him.

I feel hindered by this, but is this normal? Mostly I feel like an idiot because I should have seen the signs something was troubling him.

There is nothing you're feeling right now that isn't completely normal after what you've been through. Losing a friend is devastating no matter what age you are and when you put suicide into the equation, it worsens the scenario. But first and foremost, know there is nothing you could've done to prevent this. Your friend made choices. And while you knew him very well, we can't know everything about those close to us -- we only know what they are willing to let us know. So release yourself of feeling responsible.

Now, you say specifically you are troubled you didn't get to say goodbye to him. And I think this makes perfect sense to me. Have you thought of going to a special place you shared with him and literally 'talk' to him? Sit down, and let it all out. Or better yet, write it down. Let him know how his suicide has made you feel. How, even though you might not admit it, you're actually angry with him for his actions. Tell him how much his friendship meant to you and what kind of special place he holds in your heart. Let him know he'll always be with you because you've had numerous priceless memories together. And lastly, tell him goodbye. Then, give this note a kiss, fold it up and put it somewhere special. Or, tear it up and let it blow away in the wind. (I think littering is OK in this instance.)

Now, I have given you suggestions here, based on my own experience with the same situation. And I took my letter and placed it in my Bible. Ever now and then, I find it and read it. I feel a twinge and might shed a tear or two, but mostly I feel thankful for being able to have had that person in my life.

Sweetie, I am again so sorry for your pain. Sounds like you shoulder quite a bit of responsibility for your family and deal with way more than most people your age. So it is important you find a way to deal with your pain. While I think my suggestions are good ones, I am not a professional therapist and would recommend you reaching out to someone you trust. You can also contact help on one of the hotlines listed here. There are specialists who know how to talk you through some of your feelings -- and they might have other suggestions that would help you.

Please let me know how you're doing. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs.

She's Genius, but Stumped on Finding Friends

Dear Dee:
I'm 15 years old, And Already attending college. I have always been ahead of people my age intellectually. So I never had many friends. Or gone on many dates. Guys just don't like smart girls.

They like someone that makes them feel smart. Well here is the thing, Now that I'm in college I'm around people more my level. But I can't date guys here. They are all older than 18. Do you have any ideas?

You know, it's just not true -- guys do like smart girls. But in your case, I think you're probably intimidating to them because you are beyond smart -- sounds like you're a genius!

And congratulations to you for excelling and utilizing your exceptional abilities to advance so far above those your age. But with this gift, has obviously come some social shortfalls.

It's not appropriate at all for you to date someone at college, since you're still underage (and it would actually be illegal for them), but it is totally cool for you to want to date someone around your age.

I am not sure how you act around kids your age. But I would imagine, through no fault of your own, they are shy around you and don't quite know how to relate to you because of your intellect. So, you have to work a little harder than most kids to make those your age feel comfortable around you. Show them you're still a teenager with the same interests, etc but you just happen to be attending college.

It sucks the responsibility falls on you to make them understand you're 'normal' but it does. That's just how it works. And I promise you, if you really make the effort and fit in, they'll start to appreciate the reasons you do stand out and won't be threatened by them. Just put yourself out there. You may be knocked down a little and you may get hurt -- but that's what happens when you're trying to make friends and cultivating relationships.

And you will find a circle of friends who will accept and appreciate you. ... I mean really ... how cool is it, at 15, to have a friend who's 'in' with the college crowd! That's way way way hot.

Keep your head up. And while you probably already know this, you're destined for greatness. People aren't 'gifted' with your type of intelligence without a reason and a purpose. So soak it up. But don't forget to have some fun in the process.

Former Friends Can't Seem to Disconnect

Dear Dee:
I have this friend or had this friend -- we get into huge fights and I'm so sick of her. She's always trashing on everything and everybody. A lot of my friends are tired of it, too. We've done everything we could to stop her. But she won't lay off. I don't know what to do. I'm sick of it. And I want it to be done but I don't know how to get rid of her!

You wrote above you 'had' this friend ... so it seems you've already gotten rid of her as a friend. Now, maybe you need to just distance yourself a little more so what she says or does doesn't bother you anymore. This will just take some time. This person has been your friend! So while it's obvious you don't think you two can be friends, there are still some raw feelings there. So totally getting over it will be take awhile.

What you can do, is try not to perpetuate it by talking about her and letting her get to you. Some people gossip, trash talk and act inappropriately just to see what type of rise they'll get out of others. If you and your friends have 'kicked' her out of your group of friends (and I hope you weren't mean), then she could easily be doing it to get back at you.

Remember, the golden rule (my paraphrase) -- treat others as you want to be treated. A friendship gone wrong is no reason to be mean and no reason to gossip -- but it is a chance to reevaluate how you treat your friends and further define what type of people you want in your life.

Unrealistic Crush & Daydreaming Has It's Place

Dear Dee:
I have a crush on a guy but he is 25 years old and he is a dancer in a dance troupe. What should I do to get him to date me? Help me.

OK. Let's be realistic here. I have a crush on Wentworth Miller, but um ... there really isn't a whole lot I can do about it. I am guessing, if you're writing me, you're under the age of 18 so you already have a pretty good idea that a guy who's 25-years-old is ... um ... totally off limits. Not only would he go to jail if you dated, but I can guarantee you the two of you wouldn't have all that much in common.

Hey, having healthy crushes on older guys or even guys who are totally out of reach isn't a bad thing. Dreaming is a fantastic thing and it's in those fantasies were we start to realize what our ambitions and desires really are. There's nothing wrong with that. Heck, I can't criticize you for being boy crazy -- my mother would probably tell you she didn't know how to deal with my boy-craziness (she still doesn't).

Come on. You know there's really no chance to get this guy. But you can also think about what you like in him and remember those qualities as you look for someone more age appropriate.

and promise me ... you'll never, ever stop dreaming.

Forget Crush or Become 'Hoochie Momma'?

Dear Dee:
This guy at school has been my crush forever. But whenever I ask him out, I keep getting shot down. My friends say two different things: Forget him or be a total hoochie mama and dress in mini skirts and tank tops!

It makes me feel pressured and self-conscious. I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. I want him , but I don't want to be known as the s-l-u-t of the school. please help.

Most definitely do not go down the path suggested by your 'be a hoochie momma' friends. That's the worst advice I think I've ever heard. You should never, ever change yourself (for the worse) to get a guy. You need to respect yourself and your values.

Maybe you should just stop trying so hard. You said you keep asking him out and he shoots you down. So, how about you lay off for awhile and maybe he'll change his mind. Sometimes, guys like a little challenge and if a girl comes on a little too strong, they shy away.

BUT, if you think the reason this guy's not into you is because you're not a ... um ... hoochie momma, then hey wake up and realize he's not the kind of guy you want to be with. Guys like that only cause heartache and regret ... both of which you don't need right now.

Bottom line, honey. Be yourself. Don't try so hard and ... decide if he's really the kind of guy you want to hang with.

Crisis Not Over, But We're Having Fun With It

This response is from the writer of How Do I Treat My Pregnant Friend?

Dear Dee:
OK, I gave my friend your website. I think its helped her a lot.. she's decided to keep her baby, and we found out it is a girl and she's calling it Lily. And our group has been spoiling her and Lily probably a bit too much.

She (my friend) had her 18th birthday last week, so we all went to a natural beauty bar and got foot massages and pedicures since we didn't want her to go out,, at the moment we want to organise a surprise baby shower.. any ideas?

Glad you all are having fun with this -- but remember how serious the situation is and how much your friend will need your support! Let's throw the baby shower idea out to our readers. Anyone? Ideas? (I always vote for the Disney Princess themed baby shower .... a personal favorite ... lots of pink, btw.)

Karma: Rumor-Spreading Diva's Worst Enemy

Dear Dee:
What do I do? There are these girls at school who I used to hang out with, but they were just so close and cliquish, I decided to hang with other people.

Well, now these girls are gossipping about me. My friends tell me not to worry, but I do! So, my major question is, do I confront her? I don't want to look like a total weirdo, but I don't want to have to keep on feeling so stupid whenever she is near. What should I do?

I tend to agree with your friends: You should just let it go. Especially if the gossipping she is doing is about stupid, inconsequential things that don't mess with other people's opinion of you or your reputation.

But I also do understand just letting it roll is a lot easier said (typed) than done. We all gossip at one time or another. There's no way around it. It's a temptation few can really walk away from. But when that gossip is hurtful or disparaging, it shouldn't be tolerated. And confrontation is unavoidable.

Remember, confronting the person or people who are trash talking you is an art. Really, it is. Sometimes you can make it worse by saying the wrong thing or making a scene. So if you need to talk to these girls, take someone you trust with you for support. Practice what you're going to say and make sure you get it all out before you let these girls speak a word. Speak slowly, confidently and without emotion. Do the best you can to make it appear they haven't gotten under your skin with their lies -- do not use threats in your discussion. Just ask them to stop spreading rumors and walk away.

Will this work? Probably not. But they will think twice before spreading anymore big rumors -- especially because they know you have the guts to call them on it.

A bright spot is, karma is seriously a b****. Really. It comes around in ways you can't even imagine. The universe works wonders that way. So, if you can just stick it out, these girls will get theirs. And then, you can sit back and know justice has been served (and maybe even laugh a little ... )

Cutting: She Only Tried It Once ... OK?

Dear Dee:
If you have a friend you know is cutting, but she promised she never would again, because she just tried it once, should you tell her parents or leave it alone?

Cutting is never OK. Addictions start with someone trying something one time and they end in tragedy when friends are sworn to secrecy. So, yes. I think telling an adult you trust is the right thing to do. We're not talking about keeping a secret that is inconsequential to someone's life. Cutting is dangerous, addicting and can be responsible for life problems beyond repair -- including death.

Get your friend help. Obviously there are things in her life she needs help with if she decided to turn to such a destructive action to deal with them. Do not keep this to yourself. And make sure your friend knows you care about her, are there for her AND will do all you can to protect her -- even if that means pulling in an adult who can help.

For reference, I have hotlines listed on my site. Call someone. The professionals at the other end of the line can give you advice and can tell you where to turn to help your friend. Also, feel free to give her the hotline numbers. The specialists listed are wonderful resources and most give advice anonymously.

Please, be careful.

Mom Is Cramping Girl's Poolside Style

Dear Dee:
I'm 15 years old and I swim three days a week on a swim team. My problem is, all my mom will let me wear is a one-piece bathing suit. I am the only teen-age girl at the pool wearing one.

It really makes me stand out, plus she always buys them for me, and they are very dorky, The one I have now is pink with flowers. I hate pink. I want a bikini badly. My older sister has one and she had one when she was my age. When I talk to my mom about it she said 'I have been trying not to tell you this, but you are extremely attractive. So you are to keep your body covered.' That doesn't make much since to me. And I'm trying to understand her, but all I find myself thinking about is how unfair it is. What do you think?

I can understand your mother trying to protect you. I mean seriously, there are some wackos out there. And it is very difficult for me to second-guess a parent. After all, your momma is the ultimate authority over you right now. She has your best interests at heart!

But hey, you didn't write to me in order for me to tell you 'your momma's right, move on.' So let's see how we can deal with this in a way that doesn't undermine your mom's authority and helps you out as well.

There are some very modest and sassy bikinis on the market right now. And the latest in swim fashion leans towards the two-piece tankinis found EVERYWHERE. Maybe you could talk to her about going out together, making a day of it and finding a few of these.

I think you need to help your mom understand your beauty isn't something she needs to punish you for. After all, modesty is modesty regardless of who is wearing what. Do your best to let her know you know how to carry yourself and protect yourself. Immodesty abounds in today's fashion. It really does. And there is a way to be fashionable, appealing and modest. The same applies to the swimming pool.

So again, talk to your mom. But remember you need to do it in a respectful way. She is the authority and you need to approach her in a way showing you honor that and want to have a dialog with her. Make your case, ask for her consideration then take the results when she gives them. And if things don't go your way, DON'T POUT about it or scream and argue. Instead, ask - respectfully - for a compromise.

What could a compromise be you might ask? Ask her if you can help her pick out a new suit -- one that fits her modesty expectations, but also reflects your fashion, style and personality (no pink, right?). Regardless of whether it should or not, what we wear does affect our self confidence. And let her know you are very self-conscience about the suit you currently have and while it is a little vain (but understandable!) you'd like to feel more confident and as silly as it sounds a suit of your choosing (with her guidelines, of course) would help.

It may not be perfect, but maybe it will work. Feel free to print this out for your momma, too. Maybe hearing it from someone else (even if it's a complete stranger) will help! Good luck with everything -- in and out of the pool.

Two Girls, One Guy & a Guilty Conscience

Dear Dee:
OK so I'm leaving this one girl who's a bit wacky but pretty fun to be around. But nothing happens! I can't even hold hands with her. She's kind of afraid of guys -- even me -- and she's really confusing and a lot of other things.

There's this other girl I know ( I'm going to make her sound dreamy if i describe her so I'll just say I really like her). Anyway, she's the first girl I have ever thought of as someone I would really like to be around for long periods of time. Plus she's the first girl I ever made out with. I feel bad because it feels like I am cheating on the first girl, but we're not really going out.

I'm not sure what I'm asking. I guess it's just good to be telling someone. I can't talk about these things with my parents. So thanks for reading this and sorry if I wasted your time.

Well, please don't base the fact you want to switch girls on the fact 'nothing happens' with the first girl. You said yourself she seems to be afraid of guys. You never know what she's been through and what she's dealing with. So please don't chalk up your experience with her as a failure. There's probably a lot more to it than you know.

Now, let me tell you something you probably don't want to hear: If hanging out with this 'dream' girl makes you feel like you're cheating on the not-so-dream girl, then you are. Your conscience is your guide here! Don't brush it off and don't try to validate what you're doing when something inside you is telling you you're wrong. Just take care of it.

Talk to the first girl and tell her you're only interested in friendship. Make things right with her before jumping into this other relationship. By doing that, you're showing you respect your past and present relationships and you know how to do things right.

And hey, you're totally not wasting my time. After all, I wouldn't have a column without readers like you and I am very very happy to help in any way I can. Please let me know how things pan out, OK?

Watching Ex Self-Destruct By Using Drugs

Dear Dee:
So pretty much, I don't know what do do anymore. My now, ex boyfriend has gotten hooked on several drugs. mainly pot, acid, ecstasy and he's been smoking crack. i told him that i didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore. Did I do the right thing? Do I have to let him hit rock bottom before he can come back up? what do you suggest.

Is this a trick question? Of course you did the right thing. There is no place in your life for a guy who is involved in all of these horrible, impairing, life-threatening drugs.

You're not equipped to help him with his addictions and you're not up to the strain this type of relationship takes on a person. The best thing you can do is encourage this guy to get help. And if you can't do that without getting sucked back into the drama of a relationship, then tell someone who can handle it (like an adult you trust) what's going on with him and ask them to help him.

Be careful. The fact you've been in the vicinity of a person who's into these hardcore drugs bothers me greatly. I worry for your safety and hope you realize how damaging drugs are and how they can ruin or even take away your life.

If you continue to be conflicted about this issue, please get some help. There are several hotlines listed here to help you deal with trauma you've experienced during your relationship with him or afterwards, watching him self-destruct. The trained professionals at the other end of the phone can also reinforce the fact you're doing the right thing by staying away from this guy.

Please be careful. Guard yourself. Don't get pulled back in. Please let me know what happens.

Parents Cut Rendezvous Short -- Boy FREAKS

Dear Dee:
Well this is my first time writing to you and I have a problem. There's this boy a year older than me, and we've known each other from afar since elementary school. We’ve been talking like a couple would, recently.

And well, one day my parents were going out so invited him over,And he came, and well we did stuff, but not sex. And when we were, he heard the garage open and I rushed him upstairs and distracted my parents and went back to see him. I let him out of the house.

But he texted me two hours later saying that I'm really nice and everything, but I wasn’t what he expected. He also said he didn’t want it to end or anything, but what happened in my house scared him. I don’t know what to do. I'm hurt and confused. Do I stop talking to him? Please help me.

OK. So sneaking this guy into your house was a really, really bad idea. You see that, right? Right. So now that's established, it is totally normal for what you and this guy experienced to totally freak him out and for him to shy away from wanting to hang out with you.

What I don't like though is him saying you weren't 'what he expected.' What does that mean? To me, it reads shallow and insensitive. So, really. Try to get over this one. His comment is disgusting to me, because all a person can read into that is that he didn't get all he wanted out of the 'date.'

Hold on though. You're not blameless here. You snuck a guy into your house, fooled around with him then threw him out the window when your parents came home. Your actions prove you are not as responsible as you should be and you don't quite think things through. This relationship might've worked out if you'd just taken your time and not planned a secret, parent-interrupted rendezvous.

Try to take things slow next time. Let this be a lesson to you to think through situations, scenarios and to make smart choices. I know it hurts right now, but it will get better. And I know you'll handle relationships better in the future. (Right?)

Friend Giving Friend the Cold Shoulder

Dear Dee:
My friend won't talk to me. We got into a fight and I don't know what to do. Please help me!

You didn't mention what your fight was about, so it's hard to say what needs to be done, but in general terms: Friends fight all the time. If your friendship is real and true, it'll be fine. Really! Just give your friend a little room to think, get clear on what's going on and she'll come around.

Now, if you need to make apologies, to make things right, then do it. (Do you remember what the fight was about? And was it really that important?) And remember friendship is precious. And just like anything else worth while, it takes some work.

You didn't give me a lot to go on here, so my best advice is ride it out and let her know you're there if she needs you.

Girl Ponders Stand on Bi-Racial Dating

Dear Dee:
I go to a school that's primarily white, upper middle class students. There are other students, (Asian, oriental, African, etc) but for the most part, we can sum it up in that.

No one is actually racist, but its very assumed that if you're not white, you don't belong. This bothers me, but I don't see anything I can do about it.

However, recently, I've made friends with a guy in my class. We've hung out and talked, and it's become clear he and I have feelings for each other. He hasn't pushed it, so we're not officially dating, but I'm ashamed I'm so hesitant to openly go out with someone who is black. Why am I like this? I frustrate myself with my cowardliness, but I really like him!

My father wouldn't even take the time to consider him, because he's 'below us.' It gives me a headache to think about all the people who would hate me and the very, very few who'd stick it out with me. Most of my friends don't even like that we're friends! I am so confused! Please Help!

You already know the answer to your question. You really, really do. You say yourself you're ashamed of your hesitation. So, do something about it. Take a stand.

Now, I am not saying that taking a stand means you date the guy. Only you know if you like him enough to date him. But take a stand against the prejudice and even against your dad. See, I have many friends who are in bi-racial relationships. And they'll be the first to tell you how difficult it is and how people sometimes look at you a little funny. But you know what, this is 2009!

We are a progressive people who can adapt to change. But someone has to stand up for that change, first. In your school, in your home, this person could be you. Don't get me wrong. I am not putting this issue on your shoulders. I am simply saying, you not doing something because of what others say, even though you know those people are wrong, makes you just as guilty and ignorant as those people are. We ARE defined by our actions.

Simply stated, if you like him as a friend, then be his friend and don't be ashamed of it. Don't EVER EVER be ashamed of it. If you like him as a boyfriend, then date him. And don't ever apologize for it. Live your beliefs and kick your hesitation out the freakin' door.

One last point, as I know I am going on a rant: Right now, your conscience is getting to you. You say it yourself you hate your cowardliness. We have a conscience for a reason. ... That reason is to keep us from making mistakes. If we do not act on what our conscience is telling us, eventually we will be desensitized to it. Don't let this happen to you in regards to your not being able to stand your cowardliness.'

I honestly believe this is a defining time for you. You're seeing this issue in your school and in your home (with your dad) very clearly. It's time for you to stop wavering and decide if you're going to let the prejudice get to you or if you're going to stand tall with a friend whom you love to hang out with and makes you happy.

Double-Strawed Soda a Dead Giveaway, Right?

Before I dig in and answer more questions, I wanted to let you all know I've answered a few more of the questions you've asked about me. So, if you want to see the latest answers, to learn a little more about who I am, check out Readers Ask Dear Dee Questions Also, feel free to send me more to answer!

Dear Dee:
I feel like a complete moron. I always thought I was pretty smart. I mean, This year is when I would be starting high school, but instead I'm finishing it. Well, apparently in the world of dating, book smarts is not helpful at all. I'll start from the beginning.

It all started with a trip to the mall. Our drama club was going shopping, and a few guys tagged along -- he was there. After going shopping, we decided to catch a movie and he said he would drive me there, along with the other people from the drama group he had driven.

Then, he said to everyone, She gets to ride in front, because she is the best looking. And I felt so happy at the time. I was sure he liked me too. Well, At the movie, He sat down by me, bought a soda with two straws and shared it with me and he bought popcorn and shared it with me.

During the movie, I could see him looking at me and I would turn to look at him, and he would turn away. After the movie, we all went to a restaurant and he sat by me, and kept making little jokes and talking to me. Then we all went our separate ways.

The next day, he emailed me, because he heard I had a crush on someone, and he said he 'didn't want to send me the wrong message.' So I guess I took everything the wrong way. I just need another opinion.

It's easy to read into the actions you described, because they're classic 'I like you' signs! I mean come on, you don't swap spit via a double-strawed soda for just anyone ... seriously!

My initial thought is, after hearing you had a crush on someone, he wanted to cover his tracks and save face by telling you he wasn't interested. By doing that, he probably feels he's saved himself some embarrassment with his 'flirty' behavior from the day before.

If you're into him, tell him. Write him something cute back like 'oh, the wrong message? Well, that's disappointing because to me, that wrong message was totally the right one. Too bad, so so so sad.' Get what I mean?

We could be totally wrong on this, but I doubt it. So if you're interested, go for it girl! Take charge!

Let me know what happens, OK?

His Actions Make Her Say 'What the Heck?'

Dear Dee:
Two weeks ago my boyfriend of seven months broke up with me. We'd been going through a rocky patch and he decided we wanted different things from the relationship. He asked if we could still stay friends and I agreed.

I was very hurt by it, but I hid that from him as much as I could, and tried to still act like normal around him (though I avoided him a lot, just cause I figured bursting into tears might give me away). In any case, I'm now in a spot where I can deal with being around him and things being the way they were before(we were close friends for years before we dated). But now he's avoiding me. I don't see him in school much, and he has yet to say even 'hi' to me in the hallway or anything.

When I try to talk to him online, he always lets the conversation die (gets monosyllabic and never says anything other than responses to my comments) or he'll say he's gonna go play a video game. Sometimes I know he's lying about going to do other stuff too, cause he's still talking to other people.

So, what I want to know is, what the heck? He said he wanted to be friends, and now I'm trying and he's being all weird. So what should I do? Should I keep trying to talk to him, or just accept he lied about wanting to be friends, too?

This is SO classic guy. And to my male readers out there, I am sorry, but it's true (so maybe you can learn from this?). They break up with us, say they want to be friends, we finally adjust and then they give us the cold shoulder.

Basically, once they totally get what they want, they shut down on us and start avoiding us. Um, I HATE THAT! But, I have found a great way to turn the tables. Seriously, I have! ('Grey's Anatomy' fans, take a lesson from Lexi Grey and Mark Sloan ... I'll explain ... how Lexi kind of starts calling the shots, vs. Dr. Sloan in the season finale ...).

He broke up, so he calls the shots. He tries to make you adjust to being 'friends' ... again, he's controlling the situation. You finally adapt and he shuts you down. In all of these incidents, this guy has been in control. So now, you need to be in control.

For us girls, it takes a little practice sometimes. We might have to hide feelings. We have to try to fight back the tears when we're rejected. But it can be done. Don't show him how much he's hurting you. Don't avoid him. Suck it up, walk by him and show him you don't give a freak about what he's doing. Turn those tables. You are in control.

Self confidence is important in all areas of life, but it really lends itself to situations when we've been 'rejected.' So even if you have to fake it, keep your head held high, walk with purpose and let your attitude and determination do the talking for you.

'What the Heck?' Is totally right. I don't know why guys do it, but my gut tells me it's because sometimes us girls make it way too easy for them to step on us ... so armed with this knowledge, let's stop them cold in their tracks, shall we?

Bring on Complexity: Distance, Pregnancy ...

Dear Dee:
About two months ago, I met a boy who has completely changed my life.

Deep inside of me, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We found each other at the most convenient of times in the most inconvenient of places. However, one of our problems is he lives in Australia, and I am stuck here in the United States. I know we can make it work if we try, but I've been asking myself if this is what I really want.

You see, a few months before he met me, this he started sleeping with his friend. They were both going through some really tough times and needed a way to cope besides cutting. It stopped once he met me. The problem is, now she's pregnant with his child. This has completely broken my heart. He's having a baby and it isn't mine.

That isn't the kind of thing I had anticipated happening to me. I've saved myself, and he (obviously) hasn't. The pregnancy adds insult to injury. I love him. I really, truly do. And I don't want to leave. But I'm concerned if I don't, I lose everything I've worked for. And that's always been a huge part of me.

I want to help him, but he lives thousands of miles away. Can I survive this? Is it worth it?

Only you can decide if it's worth it. I will say though, it's a lot to swallow. Long distance relationships fail all the time -- but they also work all the time. You have a few added levels of complexity here but nothing you can't handle -- if you're up to it. But lets tackle a few things, OK?

First: At one time or another, almost all of us fall for someone we are so in love with, we don't think we can live without them. And, we translate that into wanting to spend the rest of our lives with them. BUT, sometimes, that person isn't good for us. For one reason or another, being with that person hurts or is just too difficult, or there's extenuating circumstances that make a relationship at this particular time too difficult.

Realizing this, doesn't diminish the fact you care for the person, it just shows you know yourself and you know what you can handle. It also shows a maturity in knowing that while you have strong feelings for this person, the timing is way way off. This may be the case for you and the Aussie guy.

Secondly: I find it very disturbing you say directly that he decided to sleep with his best friend in lieu of cutting. Um ... trading in one addiction (cutting) for another possible addiction (sex) is not something to take lightly. It's no excuse and doesn't make it OK that he crossed the friendship boundary. Don't cloak the fact there's an underlying problem. If he's a cutter, this needs to be dealt with and it's not something you're equipped to handle. It's a serious, dangerous addiction. Your role in this is to help him get help.

Lastly, and most seriously: There's now a child involved. Honey, this is heavy, heavy real life. I don't know how old you both are, but the complexity was just kicked up so high, it hits the roof. He has a responsibility, no doubt. And only you can decide if you want to shoulder that, too. You can definitely encourage him to get his crud together and do what he needs to do, but are you ready for the complications this situation will bring into play? Only you can decide.

I am so sorry you're in agony over this. I have no doubt you are. But part of being mature about relationships is figuring out what the needs at hand are and if you're at a place in your life where you can handle them, when looking ahead. Are you there yet? Could you ever be?

Please please let me know what is happening. I most definitely will keep you in thoughts and prayers.

Best Way to Get the Girl Is to be Yourself

Dear Dee:
How do i try to get a girl to fall for me?

Let's just start off by saying, you can't MAKE someone like you or MAKE someone fall for you. Errr. Wait. You actually can, but that's not the right way to do things. When you do things that aren't your 'norm' or act a certain way just to get someone to notice you, you're not being yourself ... and while you may succeed and making her want to date you, you'll have a hard time keeping up the charade.

So, it's better to just be yourself. Show her what a great guy you are hanging out, being cool and showing her the real you. If she doesn't like you for who you really are, and if you can't be yourself around her, then she's not really someone you should waste your time on.

Now, I know above I said not to do things that aren't in your 'norm', but what I mean is don't act like you like Maroon 5 when you really hate them -- or don't tell her you love romance movies, when they really make you throw up. It's totally cool to do some things out of the ordinary -- nice, unexpected things to show her you care. Those little things go a long way -- but a lie is never the way to go -- even if it's a small one.

Trying to make someone fall for you is a risky business. It needs to come naturally and if you've been true to yourself and who you really are, when she does fall, you'll be there to catch her.

How Do I Treat My Pregnant Friend?

Dear Dee:
Hi, I came across your website while looking for links. I found out today one of my close friends is pregnant. My first reaction was WHAT? And now, panic. I don't know what to do ... or how to act ... I guess what I want to know is, in your experience, how would you want your friends to treat you? Because I don't want this to come between me and my friend.

Well, there is no way your friend being pregnant CAN'T come between you and your friend. But whether or not you let it build a wall or a hurdle is up to you and her.

What you can do for your friend is just be there for her. Support her. Support her when you're with her and then again when you hear others talking behind her back about her situation. Be there for her. And if she wants to talk to you about it, then let her.

It's no easy thing being the friend of a pregnant teen. You'll find her situation puts demands on your friendship. And if she decides to keep the baby, you'll face even more obstacles, as she'll need to adjust socially to taking care of her baby. BUT, if you're up for it, you can adjust and support once again and prove you're the type of friend who will stick it out.

A lot of girls in this situation find out all too suddenly who their true friends are. Most friends drop like flies once the 'big secret' is out, but the ones who stay around form bonds for life. And that's priceless. So I am so proud of you for wanting to do what's right by your friend and help her out, instead of just waiting around to see what happens. By writing me, you've proven you want to take action and do what you need to to sustain your friendship.

Let your friend know there are tons of resources out there for her (there are some hotlines listed here as well), that'll not only give her great advice, but can point her in the right direction if she needs help. I'm also here, if she needs someone to talk or write to. Feel free to share my story with her, if you'd like. It can be found here: Dear Dee's Teen Pregnancy Story.

Stay strong! Please let me know what happens. I am definitely interested and love getting updates.