Girl Ponders Stand on Bi-Racial Dating

Dear Dee:
I go to a school that's primarily white, upper middle class students. There are other students, (Asian, oriental, African, etc) but for the most part, we can sum it up in that.

No one is actually racist, but its very assumed that if you're not white, you don't belong. This bothers me, but I don't see anything I can do about it.

However, recently, I've made friends with a guy in my class. We've hung out and talked, and it's become clear he and I have feelings for each other. He hasn't pushed it, so we're not officially dating, but I'm ashamed I'm so hesitant to openly go out with someone who is black. Why am I like this? I frustrate myself with my cowardliness, but I really like him!

My father wouldn't even take the time to consider him, because he's 'below us.' It gives me a headache to think about all the people who would hate me and the very, very few who'd stick it out with me. Most of my friends don't even like that we're friends! I am so confused! Please Help!

You already know the answer to your question. You really, really do. You say yourself you're ashamed of your hesitation. So, do something about it. Take a stand.

Now, I am not saying that taking a stand means you date the guy. Only you know if you like him enough to date him. But take a stand against the prejudice and even against your dad. See, I have many friends who are in bi-racial relationships. And they'll be the first to tell you how difficult it is and how people sometimes look at you a little funny. But you know what, this is 2009!

We are a progressive people who can adapt to change. But someone has to stand up for that change, first. In your school, in your home, this person could be you. Don't get me wrong. I am not putting this issue on your shoulders. I am simply saying, you not doing something because of what others say, even though you know those people are wrong, makes you just as guilty and ignorant as those people are. We ARE defined by our actions.

Simply stated, if you like him as a friend, then be his friend and don't be ashamed of it. Don't EVER EVER be ashamed of it. If you like him as a boyfriend, then date him. And don't ever apologize for it. Live your beliefs and kick your hesitation out the freakin' door.

One last point, as I know I am going on a rant: Right now, your conscience is getting to you. You say it yourself you hate your cowardliness. We have a conscience for a reason. ... That reason is to keep us from making mistakes. If we do not act on what our conscience is telling us, eventually we will be desensitized to it. Don't let this happen to you in regards to your not being able to stand your cowardliness.'

I honestly believe this is a defining time for you. You're seeing this issue in your school and in your home (with your dad) very clearly. It's time for you to stop wavering and decide if you're going to let the prejudice get to you or if you're going to stand tall with a friend whom you love to hang out with and makes you happy.