Showing Feelings in a Hidden Relationship

Dear Dee:
Well I'm 14 and my girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a month.
She wrote me a note asking me if i still loved her and saying if i wanted things to end I'd have to do it. Well, I don't want things to end at all! I love her very much. but that day on the bus one of her best friends kissed me.

No one knows me and my girlfriend are dating because her mom doesn't approve of her being in a relationship with another girl. and her cousin in our school would tell her mom if she found out. so uh yea we have to hide it. I'm afraid if she finds out about her friend kissing me before I can tell her, then she'll really think i don't love her anymore. i don't think shes worth all the trouble of hiding a relationship but she is.....idk what to do.


It's difficult when you feel you have to hide your relationship from those around you -- especially those who are close to you. I know this happens often, and I've been guilty of it myself -- but that doesn't change the truth: If you can't be honest about who you are to those around you, then how can you be honest about your feelings in regards to those you love?

Having to hide a relationship may seem to be the right thing because, I am guessing your families don't know you're gay, but it puts you in a situation that's uncomfortable and makes it extremely difficult for you to maintain. Part of being in a relationship is dating, being together out in the open and having the support of friends and family. Also, those we are in relationships with get assurance through public displays of affection (holding hands while walking down hall) or being able to talk about the relationship with others. You two don't have any of that because of your secrecy.

I don't know your exact situation. But if you or your girlfriend aren't ready to stand up for who you are to those around you, then you probably shouldn't be in a relationship until you are. Right now, your relationship is causing pain, doubt and anxiety for both of you -- not to mention it's making it difficult for you to ward off advances from other people.

Again, I am sure this is not what you want to hear, but it has to be said.