Lesson in True Friendship Needed

Dear Dee:
I'm a mom of a 12-year-old daughter and I've given my advice to her but would like advice from someone closer to her age.

She has so called friends who tell her if she is friends with other girls, they don't like they don't want to be friends with her. She is coming home a couple times a week crying about this because one minute they are her friend and the next they are not because she has talked to someone else they don't like.

I've told her no one should tell who you can be friends with. I've taught her to be nice to everyone and if these other girls want to act that way, so be it. She is not doing anything wrong. Any comments welcome.

Mom, you are so right. The advice you've given your daughter is sound and practical. You are also right, though that in this age of peer pressure and school popularity hierarchy, it's not as easy as it should be to carry out.

Continue to encourage your daughter to be strong. Right now, she doesn't feel she has the strength or will to stand up for what she believes in and tell these mean brats where to go. But with your encouragement and teaching, she will get there. She's obviously sensitive to others and wants to find real, true friendship.

Right now, she's leaning on these divas and listening to them, but the fact she's seeking out others these girls may not approve of, shows they're not fulfilling all her 'friendship' needs. It's a good thing! I am sure, at 12, she's torn -- torn between wanting to belong to a group of girls who are 'in' and also wanting to find true friends who will stick by her for a lifetime.

Continue to encourage her. If there is one thing I believe in firmly, it's raising girls who are strong and able to succeed. Show your daughter by example, in your friendships, what true friendship is. It's selfless. It's free of demands and it's unconditional. I think once she understands that friendship doesn't have strings attached to it, she might just see the light.

You're doing a great job, mom.