My Dad Is Gone; How Do I Go On?

Dear Dee:
My father died last month and I have no idea what to do. How can I tell people what I feel? He was my muse. I need real advice.

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine losing a parent, as both of mine are still alive. But honey, I do know it is very important for you to express your feelings and to grieve. Don't hold it inside. That's the absolute worst thing you can do.

Of course, some people aren't going to know how to react to you right now. They're not going to know how to support you. So be very open with them. When they ask if there's anything they can do, take them up on it! Ask those you trust to sit and listen to you. Ask them to help you through it. Lean on friends, teachers and others in your circle of friends. There are also support groups out there who can talk you through your loss. As for web resources, I am a fan of http://thesite.org/. It's a fantastic online resource that cuts through the crap and really can help give perspective, real-life insight and additional resources. Their section on losing a parent is really insightful.

Lastly, I want to talk to you about you saying your daddy is/was your muse. This is absolutely precious and beautiful. And while it may seem dark right now, this doesn't have to end. Draw on the encouragement, the beauty and the emotion your father made you feel. Use that to continue to move forward -- to create, to grow and to live a full life. He is still with you, just in a different way. Don't forget that. He wouldn't want you to. And he'd expect you to move on and fulfill yours, and his, hopes and dreams.

I will keep you in my prayers, sweetie.