Unprotected Sex, Mixed Signals & the 'What If'

Dear Dee:
I have a best friend who is absolutely amazing and we care about each other like you wouldn't believe. He's a genius, an incredible athlete, and just an all around amazing person.

One of my problems is I don't understand how he can tell me how much he loves his girlfriend and yet he constantly tells me how he wishes we were together and he thinks he loves me. We aren't doing anything, but it confuses me.

On top of all this is my actual problem: He and his girlfriend recently had sex (he's 15, she's 14) and didn't use protection. He says they're being smart about it, but he's being an idiot and she's going to end up getting pregnant. He has such a bright future ahead of him, but I'm scared he's going to get her pregnant and have to change everything. How can I get through to him that he needs to use protection without him getting mad or thinking I'm jealous?

Hey, being a friend forces us sometimes to tell our friends things that will make them mad or will make them think we're jealous. So neither of those reasons are an excuse for you to keep quiet. You should most definitely get in your friends face and tell him he's being an absolute idiot (and his girlfriend's no better.) There is no way to 'be smart' when you're having sex without birth control. (Let's not even talk about the fact none of you are old enough to have sex at all ... seriously. It's rather ridiculous ... no wonder you're in a disastrous emotional relationship triangle.)

So, the very first chance you can, talk to your friend. And if that doesn't work, yell at him. And if that doesn't work, threaten to tell his parents ... because if nothing else, that'll get his attention.

Now, your other issue ...I know you think your friend is great, has promise, etc. And I am sure he does. But there's something really sleazy about sleeping with a girl (his girlfriend) and telling another girl (you) he loves her. How would you feel if you were his girlfriend and you knew of this? If you're the kind of girl I hope you are, you'd feel horrible. So honey, shut him down. Tell him not to talk to you that way while he has a girlfriend. And that, if you two do get together, you'd expect to be treated with more respect than he's treating his current girlfriend.

It's harsh, but hey ... you both need to straighten up and start living your lives like you actually are responsible young adults. ... and these would be some fantastic first steps.