15 & Freaking Out: Lesson Learned?

Dear Dee:
I'm 15 years old and have been with my boyfriend for just over two months. We had sex for the first time 3 days ago. It was the first time for both of us and we didn't use any protection and I'm not on the pill. After he left I got paranoid, and so I checked up on the Internet and it said my most 'fertile' dates were approximately from the Friday till the Tuesday and we had sex on the Monday. What are the chances of becoming pregnant (he pulled out)? I can't tell my parents cause my mum would totally flip out. Please help me! I'm freaking out!

Good. Freak out. You can freak out for the next 3 weeks or so while you wait to see if you get your period. ... And even then, it's no guarantee you're not pregnant (periods can still come when you're in the early stages of pregnancy).

It is really hard to be sympathetic to anyone who irresponsibly and knowingly does something that could alter his or her entire life. Come on! You are 15 years old and showed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, you have no business having sex or really, even being in a relationship because you're not responsible enough to handle it.

I really have no problem saying these things to you (and I do say them out of love! I really, really do) because I've been in your shoes and know the consequences of your actions -- I've lived them and had to learn the hard way how absolutely unfit I was to make such decisions.

Sex messes with your emotions in a way other romantic contact doesn't. It is intimate and contains an emotional component that, if you're not ready to handle, can absolutely ruin a relationship and can mess you up in other areas of your life. I don't say this to scare you, but at 15, you're just not ready to deal with the feelings, attachments and insecurities that sometimes come along when sex becomes a part of a relationship. Studies show, girls become more clingy to their boyfriends after sex, become more insecure in their own bodies and often withdraw from their friends, family life and school. All of these are side effects of just not understanding how to deal with what you're body and mind are going through after experiencing something so intimate and personal.

No form of birth control is 100 percent. And the method you used is quite frankly, not a method at all. Women -- and girls -- become pregnant all the time this way. If you're not responsible enough to talk to your mom about birth control, you're not old enough to have sex. (And actually, I think if you have to talk to your mom because you need her consent to get birth control, it's a pretty good gauge you shouldn't be having sex ... wait until you just have to ask for advice and are old enough to DRIVE YOURSELF and pay for the prescription yourself ...)

If you're lucky enough to NOT become pregnant from this episode, once the 'freaking out' subsides, I am hoping you'll keep a hold of how you felt during your worry time and realize how important it is for you to grow up a little before putting yourself in this position again.