Mom Is Cramping Girl's Poolside Style

Dear Dee:
I'm 15 years old and I swim three days a week on a swim team. My problem is, all my mom will let me wear is a one-piece bathing suit. I am the only teen-age girl at the pool wearing one.

It really makes me stand out, plus she always buys them for me, and they are very dorky, The one I have now is pink with flowers. I hate pink. I want a bikini badly. My older sister has one and she had one when she was my age. When I talk to my mom about it she said 'I have been trying not to tell you this, but you are extremely attractive. So you are to keep your body covered.' That doesn't make much since to me. And I'm trying to understand her, but all I find myself thinking about is how unfair it is. What do you think?

I can understand your mother trying to protect you. I mean seriously, there are some wackos out there. And it is very difficult for me to second-guess a parent. After all, your momma is the ultimate authority over you right now. She has your best interests at heart!

But hey, you didn't write to me in order for me to tell you 'your momma's right, move on.' So let's see how we can deal with this in a way that doesn't undermine your mom's authority and helps you out as well.

There are some very modest and sassy bikinis on the market right now. And the latest in swim fashion leans towards the two-piece tankinis found EVERYWHERE. Maybe you could talk to her about going out together, making a day of it and finding a few of these.

I think you need to help your mom understand your beauty isn't something she needs to punish you for. After all, modesty is modesty regardless of who is wearing what. Do your best to let her know you know how to carry yourself and protect yourself. Immodesty abounds in today's fashion. It really does. And there is a way to be fashionable, appealing and modest. The same applies to the swimming pool.

So again, talk to your mom. But remember you need to do it in a respectful way. She is the authority and you need to approach her in a way showing you honor that and want to have a dialog with her. Make your case, ask for her consideration then take the results when she gives them. And if things don't go your way, DON'T POUT about it or scream and argue. Instead, ask - respectfully - for a compromise.

What could a compromise be you might ask? Ask her if you can help her pick out a new suit -- one that fits her modesty expectations, but also reflects your fashion, style and personality (no pink, right?). Regardless of whether it should or not, what we wear does affect our self confidence. And let her know you are very self-conscience about the suit you currently have and while it is a little vain (but understandable!) you'd like to feel more confident and as silly as it sounds a suit of your choosing (with her guidelines, of course) would help.

It may not be perfect, but maybe it will work. Feel free to print this out for your momma, too. Maybe hearing it from someone else (even if it's a complete stranger) will help! Good luck with everything -- in and out of the pool.