Dear Dee:
My friend is a friend - stealer. If I'm friends with a new person, then she will try to take them away. What should I do? 
OK just like every other type of stealing out there, friend stealing is wrong, too. There's no way around it. Unfortunately, we can't cuff your 'friend' for this type of theft. But if you're up for it, we can definitely deal with it.
Sounds like your friend is really, really insecure in your friendship. She'd rather keep you all to herself. And her way of doing this, is that when you make new friends, she swoops in and tries to thwart that effort or 'take them away' from you. It's totally uncool.
So, you need to sit down with your friend and tell her what's what. Tell her how much you value her friendship and that no matter how many friends you have, she'll always be among them. Let her know she doesn't have to worry about being 'unfriended' because you're getting to know someone new. This would be the simplest and less messy way to handle this problem.
Now for the other scenario: Your friend could literally be one of those who can't stand to have the spotlight on anyone else. She steals your friends because she wants you to know that she can, and she wants your social life in her control. She wants to 'dictate' who you hang with and does her best to thwart any new friendships you have just so she can be 'the one.'
Sounds mean, right? Well, it is. And the best way to deal with a friend like that, is ditch her. She's not the real deal.
Evaluate what you think her true motivations are. Is she insecure or does she just want all the attention? I hope it's the first one. ... But if not, know you deserve true friends -- as many as you can possibly have. So go forth and make friends! Like NOW!
Let's Cuff the Friend-Stealing Diva, Shall We?
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3 comments:
I have the same type of question, and I'm hoping you'll answer it. I have many friends, and each time I make one, and I talk to my friend in front of my other friend, my other friend comes up and introduces herself. It seems like my other friend is trying to make as many friends as she can, and now she's hanging out with the popular group. She says she won't ever ditch me, but I'm not sure. It's like she just wants to be popular. I don't think this is bad that she wants to make friends, but she's also stealing my friends. Please Dee, help!!
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it never was.
A friendship cannot be stolen. For various reasons but mostly because it is not a possession.
I have a friend like this. Every time I or my best girl friend make a new friend, he immediately tries to take them away. Not because he wants to "be our only friend" but because he's actively looking to replace us. He will immediately butt in to the convo, only talk to the new person, brag about himself, tell inappropriate jokes, and try to separate them from us by preventing us from having a word with them. He's done this more than 5 times with both male and female friends, and it has never worked. He seems incapable of contributing to the conversation; he has to make it about himself and, for some reason, exclude his real friends. He also won't let me meet his friends because he thinks I'll embarrass him. In the end, he must have been successful because he dropped us like a rock (he refuses to contact me, when I have tried to be a real friend to him). We have pretty much cut him out of our lives and found better friends. Sadly, when my best girl friend ran into him a few weeks ago, he became enraged when he found out he wasn't invited to my boyfriend's birthday party, even though he has completely ignored all of us for 3 months. I have accepted he is a childish brat who seeks attention and uses me, and left it at that (we are in college by the way).
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