What's She Really Want: Dating or Sex?

Dear Dee:
My family doesn't want me to have sex or let a boy come over to my house. I have a boyfriend and we are really close. We want to spend more time with each other, other than being at school. I'm afraid of what my family will think. I don't want to sneak out of the house because I want to be able to tell my parents where I am, but I don't think they will trust me. What should I do?

A sure fire way to make sure your family doesn't trust you is for you to get caught sneaking out or letting them find out on their own you have a boyfriend. So, just tell them! Seriously. If you're old enough to date, you should be old enough to be upfront with those who care about you and let them know what you're doing. Suggest to your parents you have him over for dinner or for a movie night. Or even go as far as to ask your parents to drop you off and pick you up -- until they're more comfortable.

Now if you don't feel like you can talk to your parents, I really mean it when I say then, you're not ready for a boyfriend. And most guys don't like to be 'secret' boyfriends anyway ...

Sneaking around doesn't do anything for anyone except get you in a whole lot of trouble. And want you want to do right now is prove to your family you are responsible and can handle yourself whether you're at home or out on a date. Being upfront with them in regards to your boyfriend will do that.

Now, I have to admit to having LOL'd when I read your first sentence ... Are you surprised your parents don't want you to have sex? I mean come on! How many sane, caring parents throw a pack of birth control pills or condoms at their young adults and say 'go have sex, but be home by 10 p.m.'

SLOW DOWN! Going out with your boyfriend doesn't mean you need to run out and have sex. You aren't even at the point where you can tell your parents you have a boyfriend! What makes you think you're old enough for sex? Please step back and think things through. Don't rush into things and don't do anything you're going to regret later.

You need to take a step back and think about what's really going on here. Are you into dating this guy or is the first thing popping into your mind, when you think of spending time with him, sex? What's your real goal?

If it's dating, then I've told you what to do -- be upfront with your parents and prove your trustworthy. If it's sex ... I kinda hope they don't let you out of the house until you're old enough to understand how irresponsible and cavalier your thinking is.