Bisexual Friend MIGHT Be Putting On Moves ...

Dear Dee:
I'm usually the type of girl who doesn't fall for the guy.
My friends even came up with a nickname for me; black widow! Now, I don't understand these emotions of mine!

I met a guy through some friends. He's bisexual and acts very flamboyant! He's dating a guy now, but every time I'm around him I feel like his body language says a lot to me. We started out as GREAT friends. But this past weekend he was such a good friend, cuddle buddy and I couldn't help but notice how cute he is! I see him checking me out, making little hints, but I don't know what to think of it.

Is it some kind of reverse psychology on me (wanting a guy who might not want me back)? OR because of his sexual orientation, is he just wanting to befriend a girl? I have to say I don't understand bisexuality and don't get him at all either. I continually think of him and I don't want to go further or think it's a possibility.

Should I just slowly end the friendship so these feelings go away? Thanks for reading. You're the best!

Listen, if you are not comfortable with the way you are feeling or the way this guy acts towards you, then most definitely you need to get out of the friendship.

You have instincts for a reason. If you are feeling weird about his comments to you or don't like his flamboyancy, then you need to guard yourself and keep your emotions safe.

No one ever understands emotions. In fact, if we did they wouldn't be emotions -- quite often there is no rhyme or reason for how we feel. But you should always trust your instincts and your gut. It sounds like you're uncomfortable with your friend's cavalier dating behavior and might find his treatment of you a little inappropriate -- especially since he's dating someone else. If this is indeed how you feel and you want to keep him as your friend, then talk to him.

But if your instincts are telling you he's not the kind of person you should be friends with -- even though you have a great time AND think he's easy on the eyes -- don't ignore that. DON'T EVER IGNORE YOUR GUT INSTINCTS.

We meet great people all the time -- but that doesn't mean we can strike up relationships with every single one of them. Sometimes, even though we meet someone we really gel or click with, they just aren't good for us emotionally. I think this is where this guy might fall. My gut tells me you need to get out of it. Pull yourself together, then see where you stand.

BTW, thanks for the compliment! I'm having a horrible day and it made me smile!

Likes Friend's Ex, But Friend Prob Won't Mind

Dear Dee:
I like this guy a lot! I really wanna go out with him. He's funny, sweet, smart and really cute. The problem is my friend has gone out with him and I have known her almost my entire life. She didn't like him much, though. She had a crush and then didn't care for him in that way. Should I go for it?

You don't have to ask your friend for permission to date this guy, but to avoid any future problems and to show your friendship the respect it sounds like it deserves, since you've been friends forever, you might just wanna run it past her.

More than likely she won't care -- especially if she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. But in the off chance she does care, are you prepared to give this guy up or strain relations with your friend? While it doesn't sound likely, it's something you should think about.

I've often said it is an unspoken rule among friends to not date each other's ex's, but to every rule there is an exception. I am thinking this is one of those cases, if she really is over him.

New Crush Faces Age-Old Problem ... A Jerk

Dear Dee:
OK. So lately I've started to form a crush. He's super cute and he's so sweet to me when it's just me and him alone.

However when he's around his friends he acts kind of mean. I'm guessing he's just trying to show off. I really really like him and I want a relationship. I don't know if he's allowed to date or anything though. How do I find out if he likes me? I just want to communicate how I feel to him but I don't know how.

Don't you ever ... ever ... ever make excuses for a guy not treating you right. Who cares how he treats you in private, if when he gets around others, he is mean, ashamed or a complete ass to you. A REAL nice guy knows how to treat a lady right in public and in private.

I can't reiterate this to you enough ... Don't let this get out of hand and don't start putting up with it now. You're young. And right now, you are establishing patterns for the rest of your life. If you put up with this kind of behavior from a punk now, you always will. And that's not the kind of person you want to become. See things for what they are, honey. He's a jerk -- OR just not old enough to know how a guy should treat a girl.

So, what do you do now? Do you tell him how you feel? Absolutely not. Do not let him have that kind of control over you. He obviously already knows you like him and he thinks he can get away with this type of split-personality behavior. Show him he can't.

Ignore him. Only speak to him when he speaks to you. And don't give any more than you have to. In fact, the best thing to do would probably be to move on and find someone else worthy of your affections! Maybe he'll shape up. Who knows -- maybe by playing it cool, you'll show him what he's missing out on and he'll wake up. You can't ever tell. But either way, be on your guard.

Hey, sorry if this isn't what you want to hear but it is very important to me to make sure you know you are worth more than being kind to only part of the time. You are worth being sweet to at all times. And, you deserve to be treated right 24/7.

A real guy -- mature enough to handle any type of friendship or relationship with a girl -- knows this. Unfortunately, too many guys in this world haven't gotten the memo. And girls like us? Well, we have to watch out for them and make sure they know we've got that memo memorized ... down to the letter.

Friendless & In Need of Cheer ...

Dear Dee:
There's this girl at school who I used to be really good friends with. She seemed really sweet and nice when I met her but she turned out to be super crazy, mean, a liar and a typical mean popular girl. I started ignoring and avoiding her because I didn't want to be friends with her anymore, to you know, get away from this intense drama.

Now she's going around trashing me and telling my friends to stop talking to me...I'm depressed and a little scared. What do I do Dee? How do I get cheerful again?

There is something I have discovered over the last few years -- and I think you need to hear it. Happiness is a choice. It is a state of mind and a direct reflection of how you see yourself and how you react to those around you. While your situation does suck, and a person can't be peppy and happy 100 percent of the time, you can snap yourself out of the funk you are in. Just choose to do so.

Don't know how you 'ended' your friendship to this mean brat. I am hoping you did it in such a way that didn't provoke this type of backlash, but regardless, ending a friendship usually causes some hard feelings. All you can do is ride this out and delight in the fact you're a better person without this friend then you were with her. Take comfort in knowing you did the right thing and in that fact you handled the situation to the best of your ability!

Now, if you didn't handle the situation correctly, maybe you should try to make it right. Talk to this girl. Apologize for ending your friendship on a bad note, and let her know you're sorry. Maybe this mean girl has a soft side and will stop the stupidness ... you never know!

I can't reiterate enough how important it is for you, though, to have confidence in your choices and determine within yourself to be content and happy. Believe me, it is much easier to be miserable -- it's cold outside, rules suck, a person never has enough money for shopping, etc -- circumstances generally are crappy! BUT this is no way to live a life -- especially a life that's as full of potential as yours is (and I promise, it's true). You will be a better, healthier, stronger person if you simply choose to be happy and snap out of your depression.

Now, there are types of depression that need medical attention or therapy, etc and if you feel you're in that category, seek help from an adult you trust immediately. If you are unsure, be sure to talk to someone.

I wish you the best.

Bratty Dorm Mate Acts Like Preschooler

Dear Dee:
I am sorry to disturb you when you must be very busy. My problem might not seem big to you, but I feel really burdened by it. If I tell my parents, which I can only do via Skype because I'm away from home in another country at the moment, they might tell me just to get back home. Maybe I should... But I still don't want to give up this chance.

Anyway, I live in a dorm for foreign students at the moment, and it's well, like dorms are. The only problem is my neighbour. No matter how often I ask her to please be quite at night, and no matter if the dorm rules say keep quite after 11 pm, she keeps waking me up by stomping around in her room or banging her door at night. When I put on a sign saying "asleep" on my door, she gets even louder and bangs her door several times in a row - like to wake me up on purpose.

I wonder why she hates me like that. She acts sweet around me and asks if I was able to sleep at night when someone else is around, but as soon as I'm gone, she badmouths me to my friends, so I can't go to their lounge anymore. She has taken over my place now, it seems, and every time she stomps in her room, I get reminded of that fact.

The dorm people would like to help me, but if they tell her to keep quiet, she will know immediately it comes from me and the problem is, when I still thought we could be friends (or believed in her pretending to be my friend and cooked her food and stuff), I told her that I like this guy, and if she gets mad at me, she might tell him.

I asked if I can change rooms or move to another dorm, but that seems hardly possible. I can't concentrate in class anymore because I don't get enough sleep at night. I feel really, really sad and left-alone. Any advice for me?

This girl is obviously the worst-behaved person on the face of the earth -- not to mention the most juvenile. Has she ever heard of manners? Give me a freaking break. This isn't grade school. She needs to grow up and solve her problems like an adult rather than stomping around like a spoiled toddler. Maybe the dorm chaperons should put her in the corner for a time out -- as it seems she has the emotional mentality of a 4-year-old brat. Ugh. Gotta hate people like this.

But I guess my rant doesn't help you at all, does it (I feel a little better!). Look, you're handling this right. It sounds like the program you are in is a huge opportunity -- a once-in-a-lifetime gig. So, sticking it out is the right thing to do. But obviously sleep is key to the enjoyment and success of you in this program.

I don't recall you saying you had confronted her about why she treats you in this manner. If you honestly don't know why she acts this way to you, you need to confront her on it. She's more than likely a big, bratty bully and needs to be aware you're in on her games and not going to stand for it.

Try to be polite about it, but firm. Tell her she's disturbing you and while you don't want to resort to such measures, if the two of you can't come to a compromise, you will need to report her.

Let her know you're willing to work things out -- fix whatever has made her pissy -- and be friends. If this simply doesn't work, then your only resort, I am afraid is to either suffer through her stupidity in sleeplessness, or ... tell on her. You could take it a step farther and give her a taste of her own medicine, but hey ... errrr ... I don't condone revenge ...

Obviously, the girl is affecting you, your friendships and your overall experience. Don't let her ruin it for you. Don't give her that satisfaction. Stand up to her. Be the mature one and try to work through it. All you can do is try. And if that doesn't work, I know a website where you can find some way nasty pranks to play on fellow dorm mates ... all you gotta do is google 'dorm pranks' ... seriously.

Best friends & family make world crash in

Dear Dee:
I feel like my life is falling apart. My best friend is giving me the cold shoulder for no reason. We didn't get into a fight or anything but she suddenly has hostility towards me. I just found out my other friend has been telling my best friend just about everything I say.

Is it possible my best friend's distance is caused by a miscommunication between her and my other friend? To top everything off, my mom and sister keep fighting and screaming at each other.

I feel like I have nowhere that can be my escape. My escape was always my friends, but now since things changed, I always feel trapped everywhere I go. And I feel like the problems in my life are caused by me, so I'm constantly analyzing everything I do. What do I do? I feel like I'm running out of options.

You are not trapped. You are letting circumstances get the best of you.

Who knows what's up with your friends -- if your best friend is playing you against your other friends, then it's time to evaluate who your real friends are. Show them you don't take that kind of BS and sit them down and find out what the deal is. If no resolution comes from you confronting them head on, then show them their pettiness isn't going to get the best of you (even though it hurts like crazy). You can do this!

Come on. You know this. There has been numerous movies on the subject -- girls are mean and vicious. Sometimes, these mind games are their main sources of amusement! You can either keep playing into it by moping around or you can face it head on and deal with it by working out the issues, or walking away from the friendships if they're not healthy for you.

As for your home life, if your sister's and mother's bickering is getting to you, you have got to let your mother know. She needs to know her behavior towards your sister, and your sister's towards her is affecting your emotional sanity. Your momma probably doesn't realize how it is affecting you and I am sure she'd try to come up with a solution. And if not, then it's time to talk to someone you trust -- i.e. another family member, pastor, trusted adult -- who can mediate the situation.

Hang in there. Don't lose hope. You are an important young lady and your world is not falling apart. You are just overwhelmed by situations that mean a lot to you -- but don't let these situations define you. Find solace in things that make you happy -- a hobby, school, a walk outside. Find a quiet place. Take a step back and most of all, breathe.

Two best friends, a boyfriend and whole lot of drama

Dear Dee:
I've been dating this guy for about 8 months now, and I really love him. We've been through a lot together, before and after we started going out. There was a point in time, though, that he started getting into other things.

He was drinking more, smoking, and meeting all these girls through his band. When I said something to him about it, he got really pissed off. He broke up with me, and I was heartbroken. He started leading me on, saying he loved me and what not. But, then, went out with some other chick and said he didn't feel the same way about me. I know he sounds like a prick, but he still meant a whole lot to me and I didn't want to lose him.

So, we started hanging out as friends and I met some new people through him. My life was really starting to look up, and I developed a little crush on a friend of his. My ex broke up with his new girl and told me he still loved me. I thought about it for a week or so, and chose my ex.

I made it very clear that if he didn't clean it up, we would be over in a second. He promised, and four months later has kept to his word. He joined a new band, one that influenced him in a good way. He quit smoking, and he doesn't drink as much. He cares for me, and is overall a good boyfriend.

I'm still best friends with the one guy I had a crush on before. I have a lot of fun with him, but I don't have the same feelings as I did before. He doesn't either, and I hooked him up with this other chick. His and my boyfriend's friendship deteriorated, though. They're incredibly competitive with each other about their music. They got in this huge fight about who was leader of the first band, and whether each other's timing was off, etc. It was really stupid. So, I introduced my other best friend to crush guy. We all hung out, and they're friendship got pretty tight. Now, I kind of feel as I'm being kicked out of the three.

I'm always the bud of jokes and they don't seem to ever take me seriously. I feel like I'm losing them, and it's killing me.
Well, the reason I told you about my boyfriend's and my rocky past is that my two best friends always use this against me. They're telling me all the time that he's not who I think he is, and that he says crap about me all the time.

They say that he complains about me a lot, and flirts with other girls. Knowing what's happened before, I'm not totally closed to this. But, at the same time, I know where my friendship with them is going, so I don't really know what to think. Whenever I say I'm going to confront him about it, they try to stop me because they know he'll know it was them who said anything to me in the first place.

So, finally I got fed up with hearing all this, and called him up and asked him about it. I was firm, and made my point clear. Of course, he denied everything that was said and got extremely pissed off at them.

So, my two best friends are a little mad at me for getting them "involved", and my boyfriend's pissed at them for "making up crap". I don't like the fact that I got them in trouble with him, but it was getting to the point that it was necessary to say something. I feel in my heart that my boyfriend's sincere, but at the same time I can't imagine my friends lying to me.
What do I do?

It's always this constant thing between the two parties. I don't want to lose either of them. But, it's getting kind of ridiculous.

Um, do you live smack dab in the middle of drama central? Geez. I feel sorry for you -- this is ridiculous and tedious. It seems like a big waste of time, energy and emotional turmoil.

My gut reaction -- and I am going to be way honest here -- is really that this guy you're dating is a big loser. The fact you even entertain what your friends are saying tells me you don't trust him or have faith in your relationship.

The history you've explained shows me he doesn't really 'want' you, but is willing to play the part so no one else can have you either. He wants you as an arm ornament and when you're not around, you're a punchline. You're better than this. You deserve better.

I can only imagine the pain this causes you to hear, but i have a feeling you know it's true -- whether you're on good terms with these friends or not -- you know there's truth in what they're telling you.

It's time for you to step back, maybe cut yourself off from this group for awhile, and really gain perspective and order in your life. This type of drama can control every single aspect of your life until it consumes you to a point of non function. Get away from it. Clear your head. Get yourself back t0 basics and figure out what you should be doing in order to be successful, sane and virtually stress free.

It'll be hard, but it's the thing to do. You need a break! Your sanity depends on it.

Also consider whether or not these are the real people you should be hanging with. The drugs, the alcohol, etc -- it's not a good road and can only lead to more trouble.

Hope this helps ... and don't hate me for being brutally honest.

When Girls Get Bitchy, Watch Out ...

Dear Dee:
I have been friends with this one girl for about 4 years. One of my other friends and I have been friends with for almost 14 years now.

For the last few days, they have both been giving another one of our friends and I the cold shoulder.

The most annoying thing is, I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!! We can't think of one single thing we have done wrong to make them suddenly hate us. And it's not just not chatting on MSN; it's full blown ignoring in the hall, sitting with a different group, refusing to talk to us.

We tried to talk to them at school but they just walked straight past us. We seriously have no clue whats going on and they refuse to answer our emails and texts. I don't know what I've done but I know I can't fix it till I know what I did. I also know there is no way I'm gonna know until they tell me... which they won't.

When girls get bitchy, petty or just temperamental, people get hurt.

Sounds like your two friends, who are ignoring you and your other friend seriously have their own issues.

If you can't think of a reason you've offended the snootie, snotty, snobby sisters (enough 's'es for ya?), then don't worry about it. I know it's difficult, especially since you've all been friends for so long, but sometimes girls just get petty, silly and downright mean. When that happens and you're the receiver of these feelings, you have to ride it out and wait for the girls to grow up and get over it. If you don't know what you did wrong, then it is NOT your job to fix it.

Friends, even ones who've been together for as long as you have, can grow apart -- get different interests and 'stop' being friends. It sucks, but it's part of growing up and maturing. You and your remaining friend could simply be discovering, that in reality, these other girls weren't your true friends -- and your interests have taken you in different directions. You could also be getting a taste of what their true colors are. It happens.

It hurts, but it's bearable. Enjoy the friendship with your remaining friend, make some new ones and don't let the other two girls know they've gotten under your skin. If they really have no reason to act like this to you two, then don't give them the satisfaction of a response -- especially since you've already made the effort to find out what the issue is, and they've refused to man up and tell you.

Sounds to me like you've found out who your true friend is ... and she's a keeper.

Saying Goodbye Is Not Really Saying Goodbye

Dear Dee:
How do you handle saying goodbye to someone you really like?

Whether it's someone moving away or other circumstances causing distance in a relationship, saying goodbye is never, ever easy.

But in today's world, goodbye is such a loose term. Unless the person is actually travelling back in time to the stone ages, there's constant ways to stay in communication with the person you're crushing on -- whether they're in Boston, LA or Timbuktu. Seriously, goodbyes aren't permanent anymore and they don't mean 'I'll never ever see or talk to you again.' They just mean 'we may not be in the same proximity to actually touch, but we can still keep in touch like crazy and even get on Skype or OOVO and video chat! By the way, I'll text you in about an hour.'

Sorry. I am not making fun of the fact you're not going to get to see someone you really care about in the flesh that often. I am just trying to soften the blow by saying it's not as bad as it seems. And if you're really want to keep in touch with this person and he/she you, then there's no reason you can't.

Now, on the solemn side, if this is someone you don't feel you can talk to anymore and you're saying goodbye as a symbolic 'end' to a relationship, just give it time. Feelings don't leave overnight and it'll take some time to heal and get over the breakup or parting of ways. But it is doable. Try to keep yourself busy and surrounded by people you love. While solitude is probably your preference, it's not the best way for you to move on -- save the moping for before bed time and while doing your homework (I'd say save it for during class, but I don't need teachers sending me hate mail ...).

Hopefully, this is a goodbye that's situational -- moving, changing schools, etc. And you can keep in touch but if not, take things one step at a time. Let yourself feel it, mourn it, and heal.

Two Friends, Crushing on Same Boy ... Ugh

Dear Dee:
My friend and I both like the same boy. What do I do?

Ugh. This one sucks. Either way, one of you is going to get hurt and more than likely, your friendship will never be the same ... So ... what's most important to you? How valuable is your friendship? If this is a friend you've had forever, someone you love like a sister and don't want to lose, then you'd probably better talk to her about this and see if you two can both agree your friendship is way more important than a guy. If you can do that, then both of you should agree to stay away from this one ... there are more guys out there!

Guys come between good friends all the time. And if good friends don't have the common sense to 'boy proof' their relationship before this can happen, then those very important friendships become too damaged to repair.

So, here are my tips to boy proof those close friendships:
-- Don't ever ever date a friend's exes (unless really, you're positive your friend really doesn't care).
-- Don't date a friend's crush.
-- Don't keep your crushes or your dates from your best friend. Be open.
--Agree your friendship is important -- more important and you'll talk through things if a boyfriend starts coming between you.
-- Agree you will not openly and inappropriately flirt with the other friend's boyfriend or girlfriend.
-- If both friends like the same boy, talk it out -- it may be best to let this one go until one of you finds someone else.
-- Don't make getting a boyfriend or getting a date a competition between the two of you. This will only cause resentment.
-- Go into relationships with your eyes wide open. When dating, listen to your friend. She may have insight into this guy's behavior or his lack thereof or his motives that you don't have.
-- Value your friends. Don't ditch them when you get a boyfriend.

I hope this helps. I also hope you and your friend can work this out and continue to keep in mind how valuable true friends are.

He's Just Offering Friendship ... For Now

Dear Dee:
I am not the kind of girl who has relationship trouble. I'm 19, I've kissed one guy, and he's the reason I'm writing you.

We knew each other vaguely, I met him in a class, he helped me out a couple of times when I really needed someone to be there and he was just very unexpectedly there with all the right words.

We started e-mailing kind of unexpectedly over Spring Break and talked a lot, about everything and more. I mean, three long e-mails a day. Then we hung out and kissed and went a little further and I said up front that I wasn't in it for a friends-with-benefits; that's not what I'm looking to get myself into.

We talked about it and he said he needed to think (all the talking happened before the going a little further bit; I don't want you to think badly of him). He did think and told me after a week or so that he wasn't at a place right now where he thought he could handle a relationship and I said that was fine and that I still wanted to be friends.

Our conversations tapered off as finals began and only recently (about a month later) did I finally respond to his last e-mail. We've made plans to hang out when I get back into town, and if nothing else, I want him in my life because he's a really good guy, a lot of fun, and someone I love to talk to.

I had thought I was over him, but I'm not. And I can honestly say this is unfamiliar territory for me. I'm not looking to just wait around for him and I understand pressing isn't going to make him into someone who is ready for a relationship right now. I guess I just wanted to know if it's okay for me to start building a friendship with someone who I'm still trying to get over. I just don't think I'll ever be over him entirely, and if I want to be his friend, I figure now is as good a time as ever. To be truthful, I don't really know what I want from you. An objective opinion, perhaps.

What you want from me is a green light to go ahead and get with this guy -- regardless of the fact he's already told you he's not relationship-ready. And I also think you want me to tell you that it won't hurt if you do remain friends with him.

The problem is, it will hurt. And I am betting you already know, if you want to keep your heart safe, you can't be around this guy until you're a little bit stronger. You need that. The fact you wrote me is testament you're just not strong enough to just be his friend.

I don't know what kind of guy he is. I only know what you tell me. And you're saying, last time you were together, AFTER you guys talked you took your make out scene a little farther. AFTER you talked ... so he already knew you were vulnerable and you already knew he wasn't into a relationship. See, he has the upper hand right now in this 'not a friends with benefits' relationship. He knows you have feelings. And he knows you are 'waiting' and willing to be his friend until HE has feelings ...

It may seem callous to talk about a relationship this way, but unless you can really really trust this guy to not take advantage of your vulnerable position, you need to keep your distance until you are composed enough to guard yourself. It would also be great if you could turn the tables on him and either get on equal footing or regain a little edge in the relationship.

Just be careful. And really think about what I've said ... please. I don't want your next email to me to be one explaining how you let a situation go too far or that you're picking up the pieces of a broken heart. Some people, whom we fall for, just can't ever really be our friends ... it's just too painful.

Friend's Death Leaves Girl Scared & Unsure

Dear Dee:
First off, let me tell you how much I love your site! A friend of mine recently died in a car crash and his mother is still in critical condition and may not make it. I feel horrible and don't know how to react. He was a great person and was friendly with everyone. I just can't believe he's gone. I don't know how to handle it. And there is also the fact that I am now afraid to drive. Some advice would be great.

OK. I just want to say .... that you DON'T have to give me a compliment in order for me to respond to your questions .... you just don't ... but I must admit to LOVING IT. Thank you. Makes me feel good ...(and we all need that.)

I am so sorry about your friend and am sorry his momma. I sure can't explain why horrible things like this happen -- why mothers outlive their sons -- and why young friends have to be torn apart before the living really starts.

But I do know it doesn't do any good at all to dwell on it. You have to mourn, that's for sure. But you have to realize that life is precious, and not being able to 'deal' with it prohibits you from doing what you need to to be a useful, purposeful and amazing person.

For you to deal with the loss of your friend, you have to mourn and say goodbye. I don't know what he meant to you or what your memories of him are, but take the time to do something special to remember him by. If you always hung out at the ice cream shop at the mall, then go there, sit and journal a little and think of him and say your goodbye.

Saying goodbye doesn't mean you'll forget him. It just means you're allowing yourself to realize and accept he's gone. It's a process. And you've got to work through it.

Life is made up of experiences and how we handle those experiences -- whether good or bad -- defines the person we become. Right now, you're experiencing sadness and also fear -- and don't let that fear conquer you. Don't be afraid to live. Don't be afraid to drive and most of all, don't be afraid to enjoy your life. You're friend would want you to do now, what he can't.

Gay With Issues: Ignoring Conscience

Dear Dee:
I have one friend and she is the best thing in the world. She is the only one I'll talk to and I love her. I'm gay but my entire town is Mormon and they don't believe in that kind of thing so me and my friend are keeping it secret and it's putting a heavy burden on my shoulders. Most of the time I just want to die, I've already gotten into cutting and now every time I look in the mirror I'm disgusted with myself my friend told me that I would get over it that all of this would blow over but I don't think it will what should I do?

You titled your email to me ... 'gay with issues.' And I am not trying to make light of what you are going through, but hey ... we all have issues. It's seriously, how we handle those issues and come out of them that can actually define us as people.

Right now, you're going about it all wrong. You're harming yourself because you're scared to face adversity. But the very nature of where you live is pretty much a beacon of how you can overcome adversity. Mormons have faced it for years and years and years and still do, with grace and dignity overcome it and survive.

Listen, if you are disgusted with yourself then there is a reason. Do not ignore it. Your conscience is your guide against what's right and good for you. If you're doing something that you know you shouldn't be, then you need to stop. Don't listen to your friend on this account. If you ignore your conscience, and you stop hearing that nagging voice, it's not because what you are doing is all of a sudden OK, it is because you have become hardened to the truth and are willing to go against what you know to be right. It means you are no longer moldable and pliable to what's right and wrong. It means you've abandoned your conscience. If you get to that place, it is almost impossible to get back. And it is sad, very very sad.

I am not going to judge you for your lifestyle or for the decisions you have made. But I will tell you, that the fact you are hurting yourself and are even remotely thinking of suicide means you have real problems you need to deal with and you need to deal with them in a way you'll be proud of and in a way you can learn from. My long-time readers have heard this a million times: suicide is a permanent solution to what are only temporary problems. Cutting is the same way. It is something that's addictive, harmful and most of all ... stupid.

Don't become a statistic just because you weren't brave enough to face adversity and you weren't strong enough to do what you know to be right. Don't become that girl who bailed out of her problems by diving into self-harm instead of looking her issues straight in the eye and dealing.

And don't cop out by deciding your common sense and conscience aren't worth listening to. They are your moral compass and have everything to do with what kind of person you are becoming ... and they have everything to do with what you stand for. And that's not something to be taken lightly or to be ignored.

Boy Can't Date, So Do I Wait or Date Friend?

Dear Dee:
I like this boy and he likes me. He's a good Christian boy and he encourages me not to swear and get over my bad habits.

We share the same religion, we've known each other since preschool, our families are good friends and I believe we will be really good together.

The problem is, he's not allowed to date until he's 16, and so we were going to wait. Now his best friend likes me, and I kinda like him too. The guy I like knows everything, and I asked him how he felt about it and he said he just wanted his best friend to be happy.

He said he didn't mind if we went out. But I would still feel guilty! I am so confused right now. The best friend told my friend he's going to ask me out and so I need to make a decision. The guy I like said 'either way i will wait for you until high school' which made me feel better, but still, I'm completely confused.What should I do?

Dating 101: You don't date a girl one of your friends is actively interested in. So, I seriously doubt the friendship of this guy, who's going after his best friend's girl.

Dating 102: You don't pass the time with another guy, because another guy you want to date isn't allowed to date yet. It's creepy. It's gross and it makes you sound like you just want to date to date.

Dating 103: It's kind of gross to jump from liking one guy, to liking his best friend. Ewwwww.

Dating 104: Any guy who says he doesn't care if you date his best friend (while he pledges to 'wait for you'), although probably means it at the time, can't possibly NOT be a little jealous and agitated over the situation.

OK. Enough with the basics of dating. How would you feel if this situation was flipped? Would you want your best friend coming up to you and telling you how much fun she was having with a boy YOU wanted to date but couldn't? How would it make you feel if the boy YOU liked said he wanted to date you, but since you couldn't, said he was going to date your friend until you were 'available.'

Sure, you can definitely like two guys at the same time. It happens. But what you have to do is figure out if you just like this other guy because the one you want is not available. If that's the case, it's not fair to him for you to date him and it doesn't make you come out of this situation smellin' very nice, either.

If you like the guy who can't date, then why not just hang out and have fun? Why not, not really 'date' but continue to get to know each other. You already said he encourages you and makes you want to be a better person. That's really, really cool! Don't mess him around. He's obviously a nice boy -- especially since he's willing to keep his parents rules and not just disobey like so many kids would these days. Wow. He sounds rare and awesome.

Don't hurt him. If you like him, then LIKE him and don't mess around with his friend. If you don't want want to wait for him, and like his friend, then date the friend ... but don't expect this boy, when he's able to actually date, to feel the same way about you because feelings will change when he sees you holding hands or whatever with another guy. That's just human nature ... it can't be helped.

Friends: Out With Old, In With New?

Dear Dee:
I go to a boarding high school but I don't board. I'm one of the 25 percent of the school who are 'day students' and don't live on campus. I made 3 or 4 friends fairly quickly and I was very excited about this because I am now very close with them.

My problem is I don't think these are the type of kids I want to hang out with. Now, everyone seems to be in their own groups, and I all of a sudden found myself only knowing these four kids. Everyone else seems to know everyone, whether its from their dorm or sports team or whatever.

I'm a pretty athletic kid and I met some kids on my soccer team this fall. But, I'm not a very big attention-getter. I'm short, somewhat quiet and often find myself just with my little group of 4.

I just want to be able to branch out and make some new friends who I feel more compatible with. I'm just really trying to broaden my friend base, and get to know more girls. I also need a way to get with some new friends but not ditch my old ones. HELP!

Well, I bet school is almost out for you, right? So summer time is the perfect time to branch out and kind of redefine who you are and how people look at you. And it's fine to do that.

But what's not fine, is to degrade or belittle those friends you do have. You specifically say the 3 or 4 friends you currently have are not the kind of friends you want. I hope you realize how that makes you look. It makes you look like a selfish, unreliable person who doesn't value friendship.

You want to broaden your friend base? Then first you have to appreciate those you have and understand why each friend you make is unique, individual and important as each offers you a different perspective and insight. Every friend you make, every person you become close to can add value to your life. Do you get that? Do you see why saying the friends you currently have aren't 'the kind of friends you want' is kind of tacky?

There really isn't anything wrong with you wanting to make new friends and broaden your horizons. But don't alienate those who are faithful to you in the process. Be thankful for all people around you. Appreciate all the friends brought into your life. And when people see how you treat and treasure your friends, your faithful 4 will grow ... because everyone will want to be a part of it.

Change of Scenery Scary for Small Town Girl

Dear Dee:
I've recently found out I'm moving. But you see, I've lived here my whole life and I'll be leaving everything; My friends I grew up with, my mom, step dad, my little brother and my boyfriend. And to add on to all of that, I've lived in a small town all my life with no malls or big cities or anything.

So moving to a bigger place with people I don't know will be a dramatic change for me. And I'll be attending my first year of high school there. Scary stuff! Being a shy person, I hope I don't have much trouble meeting new people. But will I be accepted?

You're right! This is way scary. And it most definitely won't be easy. But if you think of it as an adventure -- a chance to broaden your horizons, then you can get through it.

This doesn't mean you forget where you came from or those who are important to you -- it means you embrace your new opportunities and turn your fear into a chance to kinda remake yourself.

Do you have things you wish your entire town didn't know about you? Do you have some stuff you wish your friends didn't know? Well, a new city is a clean slate and a chance to reinvent yourself. Doesn't mean you don't stay true to your roots, just means you use this opportunity to look at yourself and make a few changes.

Now, up until the time you leave, enjoy your friends. Spend time with the family you're leaving behind and make some memories to carry with you. Don't mope around and waste away your time worrying about the future. Just live in the moment and enjoy.

Then, when it is time to go, say your goodbyes, keep in touch and appreciate the fact you have your friends from your past to keep you grounded, and your friends in your new place to help you make adjustments and get used to a new place.

You will be accepted. Especially if you don't act like the mopey new girl -- but a girl who is excited to move on, and make new friends.

So get out there. Have fun ... and then, move on and make some new friends & have new adventures.

Crushing on All 3 of the BFF's Brothers

Dear Dee:
My best friend has three brothers- 12, 17, and 18. I am 15.

At first, I really liked the 18 year old one - he is so sweet, funny, kind, and caring. Then there is the 17 -year-old. He is all of those too - but he is more shy. Then there is the 12 year old. He was like a little brother to me. Until I slept over at my friends house recently. He was sooooo kind to me. And always trying to get my attention. Wanting me to watch him play his video games, making me a special drink, wanting me to watch videos on his iPod with him.

And then he got mad at my friend when she was driving her golf cart. She was driving super fast, and I almost flew off of it since I was in the back. He was in the golf cart behind us, and he started yelling at her. It was kind of sweet. He also did a lot of other REALLY sweet things. But I don't know what to do! I think I really like him, but isn't it wrong for a 15-year-old to like a 12-year-old?! I really need help Dee.

How does your friend feel about you crushing on her brothers? Not just one, but literally all three at different times. Is she really OK with that? (And are you OK with how fickle you're being?) Do you really even know what you're looking in a boyfriend?

My first thought is to say your best friend's brothers are off limits. Dating a friend's sibling can bring really hurt a friendship. And, since you've at one time, liked each one of the boys, it's probably a good indicator you'd change your mind again -- this time, the little brother could get hurt. And remember, blood is thicker than water. If your best friend and her brother are close, she'd probably take his side and your friendship would be rocky at best.

It is most definitely sweet he was sticking up for you and being so kind when you were over at your your friend's house. He was obviously trying to impress you and get you to like him, but the reality a 15-year-old would actually date a 12-year-old is kind of a social killer, isn't it? I mean, it's great for him, but what about you?

Are you ready to take the hit for it and withstand the teasing? If you are, and you're really willing to put your friendship on the line and possibly hurt this kid in the long-run, then go ahead. (Did I already say I don't think it's a good idea? I really, really don't.) But maybe you should just pass on this one (and don't revert to crushing on the other two brothers) and find someone a little more safe, OK?

Friends With Benefits? Um ... No

Dear Dee:
There's a distant friend I've known for years and just recently we started hanging out after his mother's passing. The days we have seen each other we made out but never had sex. He tells me 'he's not ready for a relationship' ... even though I didn't mention anything about being in a relationship.

I never asked him why . However, he made a joke about friends with benefits ... he told me I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. Problem is, I really like him but will be remaining my distance ... How do I tell him I don't want to kiss him or have any intimacy with him ... Without hurting his feelings .... he's very 'different' and takes things personal. However how do I keep my distance while still giving him my full support as a friend about his mother's recent passing? Thank You.

Friends with benefits ... ha! That's for people who don't think they're special enough to experience intimacy with someone who really cares about them. It's for people who don't understand they are worth waiting for. It's for people who don't have any self respect.

You are absolutely right to keep your distance. Your friend is taking advantage of you and is trying to prey upon your sympathetic nature. He probably thinks your affection -- even sex -- will make him feel the loss of his mother a little less. But it won't. It might make him forget about her for a little while, but then he'll feel empty and sad again and you'll have done nothing but belittle yourself and your friendship.

If your friend is bold enough to say he wants to have sex with you without commitment, then you shouldn't worry one little bit about hurting his feelings by telling him you DON'T want to. If he's not man enough to take it, that's his problem. I am sorry he lost his mother (that much be horrible) but he opened the door to this discussion by suggesting it. And while you both got yourselves to this place by fooling around, you are well within your right and responsibility to shut it down. So do it.

There's a chance you won't be able to preserve your friendship. There's also a chance he won't stop trying to hit on you -- but you have to be strong for yourself. This may even mean you abandon the obligation you feel towards helping him until he can get his crud together. It sounds like he's trying to use sex and other forms of affection as an escape. And you not being around, might be the best thing for him.

You've got to talk to him. That's all there is to it and you must be clear with him. Hold your ground. And good for you for knowing what he was suggesting was/is completely inappropriate and disgusting.

Can't Believe I'm Fallin' for a Friend

Dear Dee:
This guy I know is one of my best friends. I've never had feelings for him or anything. I see him as a friend only.

I don't know what has gotten into me but the past few days I have been feeling attracted to him.

I always wait for him in the hallways and talk to him constantly and stare at him, which I never did before. He told me he likes another girl. I wanted to be nice and help him and give him advice but I am a little jealous and a little heart broken. I am so confused.

I keep telling myself this is not happening and I don’t like him. But ... I'm stuck. I actually found myself crying when I came home from school today. I can't like him right, it just seems impossible!

Don't cry sweet girl! Don't! I sure don't know what it seems impossible for you to discover you really, really like someone you already spend a lot of time with as a friend. People are always discovering the one they should really be with has been right next to them all along -- whether it be a friend or whatever. So don't freak out you're having these feelings. Just be cautious.

Don't all of a sudden think, because you're feeling a little differently about him, your relationship has to change. Take it slow. Figure out whether your feelings are the real deal, or just a fleeting fancy. You may find in a few days, you wake up and laugh you were even having romantic feelings towards him. (you wouldn't want to ruin your friendship by jumping the gun, in other words.) Or you may find he's the guy you want to be with. If this is the case, then you need to figure next steps.

It's a perfectly fantastic progression to go from being friends to dating! As friends, you've already spent time together, figured out how to get along and established some chemistry. It takes some of the edge off immediately jumping into dating. You're already familiar with the person and know some of his quirks.

If you're unsure of him feeling anything other than friendship towards you, maybe you could test the waters a little by paying attention to his reactions when you talk about dating other guys. Or ask him questions about this girls he might be interested in . If you're bold enough, you could jokingly ask him if he'd ever thought of dating you -- (say you were just curious, etc). You know the boundaries of the relationship you have with him now. I am sure you can figure out the best way to approach him or find out if he's interested, too.

Friend's Hateful Behavior Has Her Guessing

Dear Dee:
What should I do ... I have a friend that is hating me right now! So, what should I do?

There are several things that could be going on right now -- and since I don't know the context in which she's 'hating' on you, it's hard for me to say, but here's a few suggestions.

--Sometimes people just need space. So maybe your friend needs some time alone to get things straight in her head. It really could be as simple as that. It might be a good idea for you to step back and let her breathe a little. Be there if she needs you, but give her some room.

-- Your friend could be going through something that's really rocking her world. Have you noticed any significant changes recently? Home life? Grades? Etc? Maybe she doesn't know how to deal with what's going on so she's taking it out on you. Try to be extra-observant and see if there's something 'different' going on. Her hateful attitude right now, could be a direct reflection of a situation in her life that's bothering her.

-- Have you two had a fight recently? Do you have something you need to make right with her? Granted, it takes two to fight, but if you want your friendship to be repaired, you might have to take the first step in fixing it. Think through your past conversations, etc. Might you have offended her without knowing it? Sometimes, we hurt people and don't even realize it.

-- Lastly, do you think you two could have outgrown your friendship? Sorry to say, it does happen. There are some friendships that last forever, but others are only for a certain time in our life. People change and grow apart. Is it time for you two to call it quits?

This is the last resort, and it's not a ticket for you to give up on your friend, but if she continues to treat you hateful and you can't figure out why -- and she won't tell you -- then it might be best to distance yourself from her. Priorities change. People change. And in turn, friendships change.

Here's to hoping this is just a phase in your friendship. If you can get through it, I am sure your relationship will be stronger for it. Hang in there.