Come Clean With Parents, Then Help Friend

Dear Dee:
I have a gigantic problem!

Today, my parents were talking to me and my sister about drugs. It didn't get uncomfortable until they asked if I knew anyone who did drugs. I lied and said no.

But recently one of my friends told me he smokes. He also hangs with my bff and ever since her mom got married to a guy she doesn't like she has been acting rebellious.

She has told us about a ton of dumb stuff she has done and she broke up with her boyfriend for a reason she won't tell us and I have a feeling it wasn't just because she got bored.

Her and her new boyfriend have been sneaking behind her mom's back and doing inappropriate things. How can I talk to my friend about this and help her have a future that doesn't involve having to drop out?

So, you said you lied to your parents, but you said your friend just smokes ... I am assuming he smokes an illegal substance because if it's cigarettes, that's not an ILLEGAL drug ...

But anyway, first of all, you've got to come clean with your parents. Laying a foundation of lies about something as serious as drugs even though you aren't doing them yourself will cause distrust and a total loss of respect if your parents find out. So, don't even mess with that. I know it sucks to rat out a friend, but your parents asked you point blank. And it just isn't right to lie to them -- especially if you want to be the kind of kid a parent can trust.

Secondly, your BFF ... yeah. Sounds like she's quickly heading down a wrong path. And while it's easy to chalk her actions up to rebellion, let's not minimize these problems in that way and realize she needs to make some serious life changes.

It seems like you understand, but your friend is making choices right now that will affect the rest of her life. And we want her to make STRONG decisions. Not STUPID ones. So, you need to do what a BFF does ... talk to her.

One thing I depend on my best friend for is ACCOUNTABILITY. If a best friend can't be honest with you when you're 100 percent wrong, then who can be? You should be able to talk to your friend and tell her how it is. So do it! Tell her you're worried about her and you are sure she's making some inappropriate and wrong decisions. Let her know you are worried about the consequences of those decisions and you can't just sit back and let her make them without telling her.

Then, after this discussion, tell her you care about her and what happens in her life. Let her know that you're there for her -- and you want to help her through whatever is happening at home, school or whatever in her life that's causing her turmoil.

Lastly, if you seriously find that you can't get through to your friend and her choices are getting her further and further in trouble, you might just have to walk away. It's the last resort, but good friends gone bad can really bring you down. And there does come a point when you've done all you can -- and have to move on. It's SAD and HORRIBLE. But you can't let yourself get pulled into her web or deceit and destruction.

I hope you can work this out with your friend. And I do hope you make the right choice to talk to your parents about your little lie.

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