Figuring out Feelings for a Friend

Dear Dee:
First off, really great website you got here ... usually I find my answers from reading past entries similar to my problems, but now I need some straight forward advice from you.

OK, I'm a 14-year-old girl, and a really great friend of mine is like the best guy I've ever known. He and I have gotten to be really close friends who talk about anything and everything with each other. What started our friendship? Two years ago he asked me out, but I said I wanted to be friends first and see where it takes us. So, that's how it all started.

You might be thinking at this point, "where's the problem here?"

First off, people at school gossip about us constantly, thinking we've been going out for years. Whenever I try to seek out the source and tell them to stop, they never do(or they will for a few days and start all over again). When someone mentions it to me and I deny it, they say it seems like he really likes me. I will admit that he does flirt a little, but all the guys at school do that with every girl around, so I can't be sure.

But he slow dances with me at school dances, he and I share homework answers together, and I did say we talk to each other a lot. I'm thinking he might still like me the same way he did two years ago and I might like him back. But I can't ask him straight off, or ask anyone else because of all the rumors. I don't want to ruin our friendship either -- even if i might like him back.

I'm totally confused! Please help, Dee!


Thanks so much for reading and finding help in the archives! I am thrilled you're not only a reader, but an avid Dear Dee advice practitioner! Hey, I am way way psyched to know I've helped you in the past. I hope I can keep up the good track record here!

Sounds like you've got a really great friendship. And I must say I am impressed with your maturity in not jumping into a relationship with this guy a few years back. What you did was/is wise and very mature. And you're totally seeing the benefit of your choice now. How, you might ask? Well, you have a GREAT friend who you respect, admire and love to spend time with.

See? Taking things one step at a time truly does work! And I suggest you continue to do so. You only say you THINK you might like him back. ... Until you know, there's really no sense in making waves in your relationship. You're right. He might still like you. And if you're not 100 percent sure you want to take the relationship to the next level, don't give him that hope right now. If/when you decide you want to expand upon your relationship, you'll know when the time is right. So don't sweat it right now. Just go with it and enjoy the friendship you have.

Now, these rumors ... they're stupid and totally well ... stupid is pretty much the best word for it. Don't let them dictate your actions. Who cares if you end up confirming the rumors by dating this guy. Big deal. You don't owe anyone an explanation for what your relationship with him is, was or will be. And realize that these rumors aren't even earth shattering. They're not hurtful. They're just petty. Don't even let them get under your skin.

YOU call the shots here. Not this rumor-spreading weenie. And your happiness is what matters. So if dating your friend works out to be what's right in the end, then so be it ... and who cares what anyone says.

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