Nervousness Causes Me To Get LOUD

Dear Dee:
Sometimes when I am around really nice, genuine guys I get obnoxious and really loud. I really want some advice on how not to be shy, but not to be over the top. Please help.

You're already one step closer to eliminating this problem by the sheer fact you recognize it as a problem.

A lot of people get a little obnoxious and speak in elevated tones when they're nervous or excited. They are exactly the opposite of shy. Self-awareness, without being overly self-conscious is the best way to handle this.

Whenever you gear up to go speak to someone you feel like this will happen with, focus don't think about getting nervous. Just try your hardest to be at ease. Whether this be by kinda taking a step back and inhaling and exhaling a few deep breaths or if it's walking over a little slower than usual and talking yourself down a bit.

Before you start in on the conversation or even introduce yourself, THINK. I bet you really don't mean to speak louder, you just do it -- so consciously take it down a few decibels and then talk. Now, what I don't want to happen here, is that you start over thinking your conversations and get even more nervous because you're nervous about being conscious of your problem (confusing, right?). Just slow things down a bit. This will most definitely help.

Don't worry. This isn't such a big deal where you should revert into shyness. You've already got confidence enough to start and participate in these conversations -- which is A LOT more than quite a few girls have. Now you just need to kind of tailor your talking tactics. And hey, we ALL need to do that!