Close Friend Shows Two Sides

Dear Dee:
I have this friend and we've been close for three years. I love her, she's awesome ... sometimes.

Other times, though, she's just terrible. We all tease her, but she singles ME out and says I'm a hateful person. She never comes to my birthday parties or slumber parties because she "just doesn't feel like it." Which, as far as I'm concerned, isn't very nice because she never forks that excuse out to my other friends.

We tried to talk to her one morning, and she walks off saying how she hates having to come in the morning because she has to talk to us!

I really want to talk to her, but she gets really defensive and says I'm acting stupid. What should I do?


Well, I can't say you don't deserve for her to be a little testy with you if you're among the ones who tease, too.


There are several different types of teasing. And all I can think is that your friend really doesn't like to be teased -- regardless of whether it's hurtful teasing or teasing in fun. Maybe that's why she doesn't come to your parties. And maybe she is a little more hateful to you because she considers you a special friend and is more hurt by your teasing.

I really don't know. I am just throwing out what could possibly be the case. You should ease off the teasing -- even when others are doing it and see how she reacts to that. You should also pull her aside and have a heart-to-heart with her, letting her know how much you value her friendship and enjoy her company. You said yourself she's awesome when she's not being hateful. So see if this softens her up a bit. Also let her know you are really going to try to back off of the teasing ... OK?

If this doesn't change your friend's disposition a little, then there is probably some underlying issues with her personally. And if she's the kind of friend you want to keep around, try to help her.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks,Dee!