Odd & Proud of It; But Mom Hates It

Dear Dee:
I'm 15 years old, but I have a very different mindset from most of my peers. The other girls in my high school seem to be shallow and find me 'cute' because of the way I talk (very formally, with little slang and very few contractions) and the way I dress (mostly my Aunt's clothing; purple lace figures prominently).

I have no interest at all in trying to be someone I'm not, to have a friendship with the other girls at my school, though I did try for a while. The ones who don't think I'm 'cute' are afraid of me.

Mom is concerned for me and tells me I have to stop acting in such an odd manner, but I don't see how I can change the way I speak, act, dress, and think just to fit in with society's idea of the norm. My mother insists I go to Youth Group at my father's church, even though the vast majority of the people there are fanatics (and I mean in the strictest sense of the word, many of them have told me I am devil-spawn and going to burn in hell for all eternity unless I worship their God with slavish devotion).

She forces me into uncomfortable social situations and makes me hang out with girls I don't know who have no interests in common with me.

I have a group of boys who I hang out with, and we get along fairly well even though they are somewhat crude on occasion. I do have things in common with them, and have been fast friends with two of them since I was in the sixth grade. Mom has been pressuring me since sixth grade to change, because she doesn't think it is appropriate or acceptable for a 15-year-old girl to have only male friends.

Not only does she want me to have different friends, she doesn't want me reading the books and stories I like. She tells me the writings of Lovecraft, Poe, and Derlith are 'too scary' and have no redeeming value whatsoever. She has given me books she deems appropriate, and I have found them all so sickly sweet and falsely happy I cannot stomach them.

I like the things I read, the people I hang out with, and my life in general. I see no reason to change. What do you think?


I also do not think you should change and conform to the norm if you are being true to yourself and what you believe.

But I also know, however, you should honor and respect your parents. Does that mean you have to conform to what your parents think is right for you in the way you act, dress and socialize? To some degree, yes.

When I lived at home, as long as you were under my parent's roof you went to church each time the doors were open. Those were the rules of the house. And as a respectful daughter, I obeyed. I didn't always like it, but I did it because my parents were the ones paying the bills and responsible for raising me until I moved out. So you won't get any sympathy out of me in regards to being forced to go to church. In fact, I'd encourage you to embrace it and learn. Faith is something that can change your life if you let it. And the hope this faith brings can totally give you an outlook on life that'll help you through all your rough times.

Now, your letter told me a few things about you. You're passionate about who you are and you don't mind not being considered main stream. But I don't read a lot of tolerance in your tone. If you want your parents and others to accept you as you are (instead of thinking you're 'cute' or 'weird')shouldn't you display tolerance in your dealings with others? For instance, in the way you described the fanatical people at your church or in the way you talked about the authors you dislike.

I would ask you to embrace the world around you -- the norm and the different -- just as you want people to respect and honor your choices. I think you'll find that when you display some tolerance, the same courtesy might be extended to you.

Also, have you tried to have a heart-to-heart with your mom about your friends and your beliefs? I am sure your mom is just worried about you and wants what's best. Parents have a hard time when their children are kind of on the outside looking in socially. If you're happy with where you are in life, you need to tell her and let her know you're not wanting for anything. When you talk to her, be respectful and ask her to really, really hear you. I am not gonna say she'll change her mind, but if you can prove to her you aren't just a rebellious teen who's going through a phase and you're really happy in your friendship choices (as long as your friends aren't dangerous and aren't totally inappropriate) then maybe she'll ease up.

Hey, one more thing: I have to give you props on your grammar and spelling ... I only had to edit your entry slightly ... You're a very well-spoken young lady.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I really liked your advice, Dee. It's sorta reminds me. And hey, person who sent the question person, I just want to say, you're not odd, you're weird. There's a difference between them. Look:

Weird is good, streang is bad. Odd is what you call someone what you don't know what to call them. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique. So weird is good ^^

I luff your advice, Dee. Hope you can answer mine ^^