Drama In the Drama Business

Dear Dee:
I feel like I write you a lot. I think it's because you do know how to solve problems, and when I follow your advice it turns out just fine. Thanks so much!

I love to act. My drama teacher has put me through a lot, too much, really. Last year I was in the Spring Play and she gave me two parts. This was a lot, and I knew I had a lot of memorizing to do. I cracked one night at rehearsal after receiving a progress report that said I was failing all of my classes except French and (of course) Adv. Acting.

I wanted to DIE. I've never failed anything. Some tests were coming up too, I could totally change my grades if I wanted to, but I would need time to study. She told me I was one of her best actresses and so I thought she would accommodate my needs so that I would stay in the play.

I was wrong. She insisted that I stay that part and that my grades would go up after a while. This didn't please me. The following night I had BOMBED my math test, with no retakes, I found myself having a COMPLETE MENTAL BREAKDOWN. I was so tired from rehearsal and homework the fatigue made me sick and I felt like I was going to throw up. I stayed in the bathroom for most of the rehearsal to avoid embarrassment, but I left once she wanted me on stage. I started to hysterically cry, I ran backstage and had my understudy practice. My drama teacher came back stage, I told her "No no, I don't want to talk" and she grabbed my hands, I took them away and told her "No you are making me hate this, I cant do this, I cant do this" I felt like I was going to throw up and so I went to the bathroom. She told the ENTIRE cast I quit the play. I didn't, I was sick and wasn't well.

She took me out of the bathroom and told me to never audition for her again. I know that my teacher was under a ton of stress and I should forgive her, I even tried talking it out with her, but she wont talk to me. Now anytime I go to an audition I freak out and think of this, and end up crying and leave. It seems like it's controlling me. How can I pursue acting with her "NEVER AUDITION FOR ME AGAIN!" constantly running through my head? I feel like I'm not good anymore, and I can't pursue my dream because of this. Please, how can I move on and tackle some film auditions without thinking that I'm not good enough?


It doesn't like your teacher ever doubted your talent. She just became frustrated with the drama you brought to the set and the fact it didn't (and doesn't) seem like you had a good handle on how to balance your love for acting, your commitment to it and your responsibilities as a student.

Just because you are a fantastic actress, doesn't mean your teacher should've given you a break! Her frustration with you came when you showed lack of maturity in handling the pressures which came with signing on to a production. You dove in head first -- giving all to your art -- while letting the rest of your responsibilities sink straight to the bottom.

But hey, you've learned your lesson. She was way harsh in telling you never to audition for her again. BUT I would challenge you to pull yourself together. Show her you can handle your school work, your auditions, your memorization and your parts. THEN, try to talk to her -- leading off the conversation by telling her you're sorry you broke down -- but you've learned a lot through the experience. Also tell her you know you let her down by cracking under the pressure and expecting special treatment.

I have no doubt you're an excellent and exciting actress. And I hope one day you are more famous than ... Keira Knightley ... but for now, you've got to be a student AND an actress. Come to grips with that and make time for both and you won't be sorry -- you'll be able to audition with GREAT confidence and ease!

Good luck and please let me know how your next audition goes!

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