Getting Over a Crush

Dear Dee:
I think you give great advice. Thank you so much for doing so. I was wondering if you could help me...

I'm having trouble getting over someone. Last year, I had a HUGE crush on a guy. He's cute, plays the guitar, he has good manners, and he can be sweet. He seems so perfect, but I've heard from many people he's cheated on some of his previous girlfriends, which is one of the reasons why I want to get over him.

Another reason is I'm really embarrassed. I made a complete fool of myself when I was around him. I know he didn't like me, because one of my friends told him my secret, and he said he just didn't like me like that. I was heartbroken, and I kept having mixed emotions. I can't even explain how I felt. So, one day, I went to the school counseling office to talk, because my friends were of no help at all. She suggested she set up a meeting between me, my crush, and herself. It was totally awkward. I barely said anything, because the counselor basically said it all for me.

I don't remember it that well, but I do remember my crush seemed annoyed with me when I tried to be his friend which resulted in him avoiding me throughout the year and the summer.

This year, I've been stand-offish, but we're kinda talking now. He doesn't seem like he has a problem with me. I thought I had gotten over him but, I think I may be starting to get feelings for him again, and I really don't want to.

I'm not allowed to date, and I don't really want to. I've been trying extremely hard not to get too caught up in relationships. My sister tells me life is all about choices, and I can simply choose not to like him, but that method doesn't seem to work for me.

I never want to feel really embarrassed and ashamed like I did before. I'm so stressed out by all this and I don't know what to do. I don't want to do that whole "talking to him" thing again.

I keep telling myself there's someone better out there for me. Do you have any other tips on getting over a guy?

I can't even imagine how you felt when your counselor took it upon herself to intervene in a crush ... I seriously find that ... bizarre. Doesn't seem like that's the kind of thing a school counselor should do! But I am not trained in that area, so I don't know for sure ...

ANYWAY, you've got to stop letting that scene haunt you and try to move past it. Your sister is right: Life IS about choices. It's about making smart, solid choices. BUT, unfortunately, you can't choose sometimes you who love.

What you can do, is recognize that you do actually dig this guy, BUT that right now, he's not the right guy for you and it's not the right time to get into a relationship with him. Who knows what'll happen in the future, but right now isn't the time.

Keeping your distance is wise. It allows you to not only heal, but it helps both of you get over the awkwardness of last year's experience. He needs to stop thinking of you as the girl who has the crush on him and start looking at you differently. See, you already said you felt he was annoyed with you last year -- and that's because the whole counselor incident probably made you appear a little desperate to him. By keeping your distance and having the occasional conversation you'll reverse that.

There are no absolute tricks to getting over a guy you're crushing on, but keeping busy and diving into something you really love always helps! Pick up a few of your hobbies again. Hang out with your friends. And when they ask you about him, shrug it off and move on to another topic. Do all you can to just think of something else.

It will just take time. And if you're meant to date a little later this year or next or whenever, you'll know it and you'll be stronger. You'll also know how to play it a little better.

Hey, don't sweat it and stop being embarrassed. He's just a guy and rest assured he's done tons of embarrassing things, too.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

HEY I JUST WANTED TO ASK U SOMETHING ABOUT A PROBLEM I HAVE...WELL I LIKE THIS 1 KID AT SCHOOL...BUT I DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD TELL HIM OR JUST WAIT AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS???WHAT DO U THINK I SHOULD DO???

Anonymous said...

I LIKE A GUY BUT HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND. IVE KNOWN HIM FOR ABOUT 6 YEARS AND JUST THE OTHER DAY I CALLED HIM OVER AND HE TOLD ME TO HOLD ON BUT NEVER CAME BACK.WUT DOES DAT MEAN?PLEASE HELP ME SOLVE THIS LOVE PROBLEM!

-KLUMZY 1ER

Anonymous said...

HEY DEE JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU FOR SOME ADVICE ABOUT A CRUSH I HAVE...WELL I HAVE NOT DECIEDED IF I SHOULD TELL HIM OR WAIT FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT TO TELL HIM WUT I BEEN FEELING FOR ABOUT 9 YEARS.HES A VERY NICE GUY.I FEEL LIKE TELLING HIM BUT I GET VERY SHY AND SCARED AND DONT TELL HIM NOTHING.BUT I JUST DONT WANT TO GET REJECTED BY HIM.I DONT WANT TO FEEL DUMB.DO U THINK I SHOULD WAIT TILL HE ASKS ME OR JUST TELL HIM MYSELF.

Anonymous said...

OHHHHHHH EMM GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Omg kinda KINDA the same thing happened to me too!!
Basicly, i had a huge crush on my crush too & once he tried to kiss me & i didnt let him cuz i thought he wud use me (past experiences). So i said "dont" to him. After that i started getting really doubtfull thinking he doesnt like me & so i thought i completely blew it with him! So i got rly sad cuz i like him soo much so i went to the councelor to talk to her about my situation & my feelings and she said she knew him personaly! She said do you want me to talk to him? And at the time i was rly sad and crying and i just wanted change, and for things to get better so i said yes. (i know, big mistake). And so after she talked to him, he started avoiding me.........wow. I never thought anyone had a bit of my situation with a counselor. Anyway ya. This guy prolly wudnt have appreciated you anyway because he cheated on some gfs. You're better than him so dont b sad. Guys are DICKS!!!