Vowing To Never Kiss ... Realistic?

Dear Dee:
A year ago I made a commitment to not kiss anyone until I was married. At the time it was really easy for me to keep this promise.

Now I have an amazing boyfriend and I love him so much! I really want to kiss him and I know he wants to kiss me! I don't think I'd be able to say no to him if he tried and I wouldn't want to! I just don't know if it's wrong for me to change my standards. Please help me.

Your commitment to yourself is admirable but I think entirely unrealistic. Kissing and showing emotion in a dating relationship is all part of expressing emotion and finding out if there is chemistry and attraction in a relationship. What you need to be committed to is controlling yourself and making sure the displays of affection don't go farther than you're ready for them to go.

Making a vow such as this was easy for you at the time you did it because you didn't have a boyfriend and maybe didn't understand the importance of kissing in a relationship. I think breaking this ‘vow' is perfectly acceptable and does not show weakness or lack of commitment on your part. It just shows that you are growing up and you're understanding what it means to be in a relationship and that you are starting to digest what ‘acts' are appropriate in a healthy dating situation. This is not you changing your standards. This is you making adjustments to what's appropriate and not appropriate for you in dating.

Believe me, if you were telling me you were rethinking a vow of abstinence until marriage or something much more serious, I would not give you the green light -- as I believe that type of vow is perfectly acceptable, admirable and necessary in today's climate of teen pregnancy and disease. But kissing? I just don't even think you can have any type of romantic relationship without being able to demonstrate/show some sort of affection -- and kissing does just that -- through intimacy and through emotion.

You obviously are a young lady with very high moral standards. And I so admire you for that! Keep those standards up there and don't hesitate to question and inquire about what's appropriate in dating. Also, listen to your gut. You've obviously been raised with a solid, moral background. And it won't steer you wrong if you are in tune to it.