Most Asked Question: Should I Have Sex?

Dear Dee:
Should I have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend?

I get this question A LOT, as I stated previously and I want to come across as having a very, very clear stance on this.

Seriously, if you have to ask someone if you should have sex, then you have absolutely no business having sex. Sex isn't something you should do because everyone else is doing it, it's not something you should just ‘get over with' and it is most definitely not something you take lightly or do not think through.

The way that our culture has generalized and extracted the actual emotional aspects of sex drives me absolutely crazy. It is talked about as it's something you just do because you feel like it or that doesn't need any more consideration or thought put into it than you would when ordering take out. This is definitely not true and this type of thinking does nothing but lead to shallow, inappropriate behavior that not only degrades sex itself, but builds in a selfishness that most definitely isn't the desired emotion sex is supposed to fulfill.

Sounds pretty deep, right? Well, it is. And it is serious. I find it hard to believe that some people spend more time picking out their outfit in the mornings then they do in who they decide to take home at night and sleep with. Just as the right clothes in the right size don't feel right when worn, the right sexual partner and the right motives when having sex make the experience trivial and not what it is meant to be.

So, don't let anyone talk you into having sex. Don't let anyone tell you that ‘if you loved them' you'd give it up to them - because it's not true. If they understood what love is and that sex is supposed to be a fulfillment of that love and commitment, then they'd never, ever say such a thing.

Now you're thinking I'm a little old-fashioned and not quite up on the times. Well, that is SO not true. The reason I believe the way I do is because I have seen first hand the affects casual sex can have on a person who's not ready. I have seen many; many girls regret it because after they go through with it, they realized what a mistake having sex was. They realized they weren't ready; that a few minutes in the backseat or sneaking around wasn't the way their ‘first time' was intended to be - and now, that first time is lost. And of course, we don't even have to go into the risks of pregnancy, disease and emotional issues that could most definitely come about ...

So when is the right time? The right time is when you can look at your prospective partner and realize there is no one else you'd rather share the experience with. The time is right when you can say that you've thought about it and you know without a doubt you're making a good decision. The time is right when you are old enough to understand the consequences, take appropriate precautions and understand that sex isn't just something you do to say you've done it - it's special, romantic and has a meaning and purpose.