How Do I Tell Them?

Dear Dee:
I am 15 and pregnant. How do I tell my mom and my boyfriend that I am having a baby?

There is no easy way for you to tell either person you're expecting a baby. But I would encourage you to start with your mom and let her know. She might be mad. She might even yell, but because she loves you, she'll get over that and help you through this.

Telling your mom first will allow you to speak to her about your feelings, what you want to do and how you feel about the father of this baby. It will also let the realization of your situation sink in a little more and prepare you for the fact you will have to talk to your boyfriend and probably his parents, too. I just think it would be easier for you to deal with all of this if you had your supportive momma by your side.

I won't sugarcoat it. You're in for a tough road and have lots of decisions to make. Feel free to contact our family crisis or teen pregnancy hotlines and talk to a professional about what you're going through. Don't keep it all inside, especially right now, as your body goes through so many changes during pregnancy. It's best to work through the emotions as they hit you rather than bottling them up. It's healthier for the baby, too.

You are so, so young. And my heart goes out to you more than you'll ever know. I hope you can realize that this isn't where your life ends -- you still have plenty ahead of you and can accomplish many wonderful things, regardless of what you decide to do. Just because you're having a baby doesn't mean you're doomed to poverty or destined to never have a great life or job. It just means you have to work harder to get the things you want and it may take a little longer.

So please don't give up or lose heart. Don't settle for what others expect out of a teen mom (welfare, snotty nosed kids and no job). Accomplish all you can and take care of yourself. Be proud of yourself and constantly strive to better your world and your baby's. I promise you, when you look back on this in 10 years, you'll respect yourself, you'll be proud of your accomplishments and you'll be so very glad you didn't just give up. Your life as a kid is kind of over, and you'll see things differently now. But if you really focus on what's important and what's right for you, then you'll be fine. You don't have to be a statistic. Be one of those girls who rises above the ‘tragedy' and makes a difference. I know you can do it, and my thoughts are with you.