Dear Dee:
My ex boyfriend says he's moved on. But I still want to go back out with him.
We had been together for 1 year and 4 months. We never really had any problems with our relationship. But we both lost our jobs and we were living together for 8 months. I left him in the worst way possible.
After I left, he was hurt. He begged for me to come back for a long time. We hung out a couple times. Then recently I figured out I really wanted to try again. But he says he doesn't want me back. He says he found someone else. I know it's a rebound relationship.
So what do I do? I really love this guy. And I want him back. I want to fix our mistakes. I've spent all week begging him. I can't see him since we don't really live that close anymore. I've only been able to express my feelings over the internet.
I just really miss him. And I have a feeling he misses me too.
Please help me. I don't want to move on. What could I do to get him back? Do I even have the chance?
This guy spent time after you broke up trying to convince you to come back. You didn't. Now, all of a sudden YOU want to come back and he's not letting you. Well, good for him!
Ouch, right? Why should he roll over now that you've hurt him time and time again? First you walked out, then you refused to come back when he asked you to. Why should he take you back now that you've decided the timing is right? Why should he have sat there, while you rejected him and waited for you to get your crap together?
It royally sucks you've come to the realization you love and miss him. It is even worse that he's moved on and now that you no longer want to move on, you actually need to. But let's be positive. Maybe hope isn't lost.
Let it rest awhile. Stop begging. If you've apologized for your past mistakes, then let it go at that and give this some time. If you are sincere in your regrets and in your desire to come back and his relationship is just a rebound, then maybe he'll come to his senses.
It's great you've reconnected online. But I ask you: If you were the supposed other girl, how would you feel if a blast from the past was trying to take your man? You've made your feelings known, now respect the boundaries of a relationship and stop trying to steal another girl's guy -- just like you would expect her to respect you if the situation were reversed.
You've put a lot on this guy in recent months and you've shown him many different emotional faces. Now, show him your patience. Show him your emotional maturity and show him you're a woman who knows how to back off when it's warranted -- and I really believe it is here.
This reality sucks. And the fact you realized your feelings a little too late is harsh. But sometimes that's just how it is -- especially if there's a bigger lesson to be learned. So, I ask you ...what have you learned from this?
She Realizes She Wants Him, But It's Too Late
A Love Triangle in the Making
Dear Dee:
I live in this really really small town and have super amazing friends!
But I was at a party the other day and the guy who is like my brother told his best friend (my crush) he likes me! I haven't told my crush I like him. I know I have to tell the guy who likes me that he is like my brother and that is all he'll ever be, but I don't know how to without either hurting him or making things super awkward between us! And I kinda want to tell the guy I like, I like him but he can't date yet and honestly I can't see myself with any guy other than him!
This isn't a mess yet. And there are two ways to look at it. The first, being you received this info about your guy-friend liking you, secondhand. So you can wait for him to actually say something to you himself or you can take the second option and be proactive.
As your friend, you probably confide in him, right? Have you talked to him about your crush? Have you told him you value his friendship and think of him as a brother? Talking to him is always going to be the best way to make sure things are straight between the two of you. And you know, it probably will be awkward but if you work through it instead of backing off, you can salvage your friendship. Just stay true to your feelings and your friendship.
Now about your crush ... should you tell him? Well, that's up to you. You know him and you probably have a sense of how he'll respond. So maybe you should just go from there.
Boyfriend, Best Friend & a Whole Lot of MESS
Dear Dee:
I am 14 and have an amazing boyfriend, ,we are best friends and I really do love him.
Normally when I date a guy, I cheat and with him I don't. We have tried things but nothing felt right when we attempted to do sexual things.
My other best friend is a girl and we are so much alike. she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and I think i am in love with her, too. One night we were watching a movie and we were hugging because it was scary and all of a sudden we kissed.
We both pulled away but then her lips came crashing down on mine again things were moving really quickly and before I knew it things got a little out of hand. We stopped and laughed at what had happened but it felt right and I felt the fire and passion all over my body. does this mean I am lesbian or bi or something or does that often happen with the two hottest girls in the school?No this doesn't mean you are a lesbian or bisexual. But what it does mean is you are foolish, irresponsible and have absolutely no idea what a real relationship is! You actually don't have a problem, at 15, telling someone you always cheat on your boyfriends and that you haven't cheated on your current one -- except that you have ... with your best friend, who happens to be a girl!
Wake up and realize what you're doing to yourself, your reputation and your future. Is this what you want to be known for? Right now, this is what I see: a girl who can't seem to take a relationship seriously -- the girl who can't keep her hormones in check -- the girl who is more interested in indulging every single sexual urge at the age of 15, rather than fashioning her own character and figuring out what's real and worth while in her life -- the girl who is, at a very young age making adult decisions without even thinking of the consequences to herself, her body and her character. It is very, very sad.
Great. You're popular. And just like most popular kids, you're not realizing the responsibility that comes with being looked up to by others. You're figuring you can get away with treating people any way you want because so far, people have let you. But that's not life honey! It's not real and it will end.
Please, take a step back. Get yourself figured out and straightened out. There isn't anything wrong with being in a relationship IF you know how to handle it and respect it. And clearly, you do not. You can't even keep the lines between friendship and romantic relationships clear. You've blurred them all and are walking into some very dangerous waters.
Realize what you are worth. Realize you are more than what you wrote above. And if you don't see that for yourself, you need to do some soul searching and some get some help from an adult you trust.
They're Getting Guys, I'm Not ... Help
Dear Dee:
All of my friends seem to be getting attention from boys. It's always, 'he wants to ask me out!' Or, he said 'he really liked me!'
I'm short, but I have always been called cute and adorable by my peers ... but apparently guys dont like that? All of the high school boys seem to go after the girls wearing tons of makeup or the ones that seem fake. I just have esteem issues right now. Do I just play it cool until the right guy comes along? Yeah. That's exactly what you do -- but it's easier said than done, right? Believe me. I totally know it.
Be yourself. Dont' change yourself to try to catch a guy -- and remember, while your peers are constantly talking about who likes whom or whatever, sometimes they're flat out lying! That's just the truth of it. All of us girls are insecure. It's like the best kept secret among females. We can walk confident, talk confident but deep down, we're all scared and insecure.
So while you're feeling it pretty deep right now, don't show it. Keep your head up. Strut your stuff, go about your business and see what happens. Don't feel threatened or inferior to those other makeup-caked girls -- make strides to show off your beauty -- like only you can. Maybe even step out of your comfort zone a little and talk to a few guys.
Bottom line is don't let these girls phase you and just be yourself. He'll come along ... or if you're really lucky, a whole bunch of em will come along!
'Words Said No' Sees Light
Dear Dee:
Hello again.
A little while back, I sent you an email asking for advice on what to do about 'My words said no and my actions said yes.'
And a little while ago, I read your response and as any teenager who gets a lecture, I was a bit offended. But as I kept on reading, what you were saying made sense, so I stopped communication.
I had thought if i broke everything with him off, I would feel free. But I still felt this yearning. Well, last week I went to a conference and gave my life to God, now I am truly free!
I just want to thank you for urging me to stop and thank you for taking the time out of your own life to help me out. God is using you in such amazing ways. Hey thanks for taking the time to read and truly absorb what I was trying to say. I love actually knowing people are reading and pondering on whether to agree/disagree with me! I am so glad you've found the strength to do the right thing and am hoping you can keep it up! Continue to learn, grow and understand your value and worth. You won't regret it. Best of luck to you.
