Girlfriend Equals Tension Between Guy Friends

Dear Dee:
My guy friend is with this girl I don't care for and he won't have anything to do with me anymore. He says when we were friends I was too needy.

All I wanted was to see him sometimes but because of his work and him going to college and him spending most of his time with this girl, I never got to see him. Well, now we are talking again a little but he still doesn't get the fact I disapprove of this relationship. He says I still have feelings for him, more than a friend should, which is so far from the truth. I want his friendship back but if he all he's going to do is keep treating me this way what should I do?

If you really want your friendship back, then you need to back off the girlfriend. Unless you have extremely valid reasons your friend should care about for not liking her, you need to stay quiet and leave him alone about his relationship. You've already told him you don't like her -- so enough said. He's a big boy -- and you've made your opinion known -- he has the right to share your opinion or disregard it. So, let him. Don't force what you believe onto him. Your trying to do this will most definitely keep that wedge firmly between your friendship.

I rarely have heard of one guy telling his friend he's too needy, but if your friend feels your suffocating him, then really all you can do is back off. Don't continually try to verbally convince him you're not needy. Show him. Don't call all the time. Don't complain about not spending time with him. Don't make him uncomfortable by telling him how much you value his friendship.

The truth is, some guys are great at expressing themselves and take that expression well and others don't. You're obviously expressive and that expressiveness seems to freak your friend out!

I know I keep saying it, but seriously the answer to all your friendship problems with this guy is to either back off or call it quits. There normally isn't a negotiation point when one person in a friendship feels smothered. Sorry! Wish I could be more help for ya.