Dear Dee:
OK, first I just wanted to say I love your site! It really helps and I know you will always be there for me.
Anyways, I have this friend, he's a guy. I hang out with him all of the time.
Everyone at school says we should go out and we would make a cute couple. They say they could see us getting married when we are older. I don't really think that [although a small part of me does] and he told me he doesn't think that either.
There is a dance coming up and everyone says we should dance together at it. I know he won't want to. I really don't want to but a small part of me does. I used to like him, but now we are really good friends. I guess you could say he is my best guy friend. I don't know what I should do. Can you help?
I am so so so glad you enjoy the site. I am even more thrilled it helps you. I can't tell you what this means to me. THANK YOU! Hey, you wanna know something else that's VERY VERY special about your post? Your question and response is the 300th I've posted on the new site! WHOO HOO!!!!! (I totally wish confetti could fall down from the sky as well as some way awesome balloons when everyone reads this ... but technology hasn't come THAT far ... yet.)
Now, down to business: So ... who really cares what everyone says? You need to consider here, what YOU think.
Do you want to be a 'couple' with this guy or are you cool with the status quo? This is the question you have to answer. You say only a small part of you has thought romantically about your friend. In my mind, this isn't enough of a 'thought' to ruin a friendship. So I'd give it some more time and see if any other feelings develop. Don't rush into a relationship and ruin something great because others are pushing you into it. They see things more superficially -- on the outside -- than you do. You're in the thick of it. It's your life. It's your decision. And it's friendship at stake here. So who cares what everyone else thinks.
Everyone Says We're GREAT Together, BUT ...
Readers Want to Know about DEE
Dear Dee:
You help us out all of the time. I think it's time to spill the beans and tell US about YOU!
Hey, I don't wanna use our space to talk about ME! But, tell you what ... tell me what you want to know about me. Make them fun questions, K? Don't ask the ordinary ... get creative.
I'll pick 10 questions from random readers ... so send in as many as you want! Can't wait to get them and answer them ... I kinda feel like we're playing truth or dare! ... BTW, I won't answer anything inappropriate. So don't even go there.
His Flirting a Sign He Likes Me?
Dear Dee:
There's this guy at school and I've known him for a while now. He went out with one of my friends and the other night, he kept poking me, flirting and being around me. Then when we go to leave the fundraiser, he gave me two huge hugs.
Anyway, he dated another girl, who I'm good friends with and they've split up but she still really likes him. But I think he likes me I don't know what to do.
I don't ever think it's a good idea for a girl to date a friend's ex. It just ends up causing problems ... but if you and this girl aren't the best of friends, then maybe it's worth it.
First off, you've got to figure out if this guy likes you. You can read into the flirting depending on the type. You know how he usually acts around you -- was his flirting different and maybe a little more personal than usual? And the poking ... hum. Well, while this might seem like a form of flirting to you, it actually isn't all that cool for a guy to think he actually has the right to touch you -- even if it is in a playful manner. So watch out on this. I understand it was innocent and in fun, but still ... this put up a warning flag for me. The hugs? Well, a hug is a hug. As one of my favorite movies points out, there's a hug where you kinda just bend over and hug then there's a hug that's a little more personal and close. What type was it?
Of course, if you really wanna know if he likes you, just ask him. Take a chance and see what happens! But if you do this, have replies for each scenario. And keep your cool!
Second of all, you need to weigh your friendship with the friend who still likes him and figure out if it's worth possibly losing over dating this guy. I have found out friendships last longer than most dating relationships. But only you know how important this one is to you. So make a decision based on your feelings and be ready to live with whatever happens.
SAT Panic Sets In: Time for Encouragement
Dear Dee:
I am a senior in high school and my average is a 76. I realize it should be higher, but I was a procrastinator and gave up on myself.
I have second honors this year and am trying to work my way up. I am also an athlete who can get a full-ride scholarship to an out of state college, but in order to do so I HAVE to get 940 with the Math and Critical Reading combined, and so far have gotten a 760.
My critical reading scores are in the high 400's, but my math scores are in the low 300's. I have registered for the March SAT, and have been studying every day. I have out of state colleges interested in giving me scholarships, but they are waiting to see my SAT scores. I want to believe everything will be okay but I feel like giving up. What should I do?
NEVER ... NEVER ... NEVER EVER give up on yourself and what you can do when you put your mind to it. Be determined. Be deliberate and let the fact you're talented enough, smart enough and ambitious enough be the motivating factor in keeping your head in the books and your nose to the grindstone.
Hey, if colleges are interested in giving you scholarships, YOU ARE MOST DEFINITELY WORTH THE EFFORT, here! Do not cheat YOURSELF out of this opportunity by throwing in the towel. Isn't that one of the biggest lessons you learn as an athlete ... to push yourself and keep striving to get better and better? Apply that philosophy here.
Get tutored. Ask for help whenever and wherever you can. If you have to, listen to study tapes/CDs while you're sleeping (hey, don't knock it! It worked for Jake in 'Annapolis'). Don't let up. And be encouraged that the end result here will be 100 percent worth it. Because it really will be.
You don't need me to tell you this, but you're a lucky, lucky person. You must be blessed with an athletic gift that's pretty darn special to have colleges offering you scholarships. And for that, I totally give you a standing ovation. So use that gift to get yourself a free education and a jump start on a fantastic career. I know you can do it. Seriously ... I just know.
PLEASE keep me posted. And if you need some study tips, remember MURDER is the key ... (to find out why, check out: "Midterm Study Frenzy: HELP!"
Good luck and know beyond a doubt that I'm pulling for ya. (Seriously, I expect to hear from ya after you take your test!)
Come Clean With Parents, Then Help Friend
Dear Dee:
I have a gigantic problem!
Today, my parents were talking to me and my sister about drugs. It didn't get uncomfortable until they asked if I knew anyone who did drugs. I lied and said no.
But recently one of my friends told me he smokes. He also hangs with my bff and ever since her mom got married to a guy she doesn't like she has been acting rebellious.
She has told us about a ton of dumb stuff she has done and she broke up with her boyfriend for a reason she won't tell us and I have a feeling it wasn't just because she got bored.
Her and her new boyfriend have been sneaking behind her mom's back and doing inappropriate things. How can I talk to my friend about this and help her have a future that doesn't involve having to drop out?
So, you said you lied to your parents, but you said your friend just smokes ... I am assuming he smokes an illegal substance because if it's cigarettes, that's not an ILLEGAL drug ...
But anyway, first of all, you've got to come clean with your parents. Laying a foundation of lies about something as serious as drugs even though you aren't doing them yourself will cause distrust and a total loss of respect if your parents find out. So, don't even mess with that. I know it sucks to rat out a friend, but your parents asked you point blank. And it just isn't right to lie to them -- especially if you want to be the kind of kid a parent can trust.
Secondly, your BFF ... yeah. Sounds like she's quickly heading down a wrong path. And while it's easy to chalk her actions up to rebellion, let's not minimize these problems in that way and realize she needs to make some serious life changes.
It seems like you understand, but your friend is making choices right now that will affect the rest of her life. And we want her to make STRONG decisions. Not STUPID ones. So, you need to do what a BFF does ... talk to her.
One thing I depend on my best friend for is ACCOUNTABILITY. If a best friend can't be honest with you when you're 100 percent wrong, then who can be? You should be able to talk to your friend and tell her how it is. So do it! Tell her you're worried about her and you are sure she's making some inappropriate and wrong decisions. Let her know you are worried about the consequences of those decisions and you can't just sit back and let her make them without telling her.
Then, after this discussion, tell her you care about her and what happens in her life. Let her know that you're there for her -- and you want to help her through whatever is happening at home, school or whatever in her life that's causing her turmoil.
Lastly, if you seriously find that you can't get through to your friend and her choices are getting her further and further in trouble, you might just have to walk away. It's the last resort, but good friends gone bad can really bring you down. And there does come a point when you've done all you can -- and have to move on. It's SAD and HORRIBLE. But you can't let yourself get pulled into her web or deceit and destruction.
I hope you can work this out with your friend. And I do hope you make the right choice to talk to your parents about your little lie.
