We've Had Sex, Now What?

Dear Dee:
There is a guy I have been consistently dating for about 2 months. We have seen each other at least 1-2 times a week.

We have taken things pretty slow. About a week ago, he seemingly was growing closer emotionally to me, as he was expressing it in the way he spoke/texted me. So this last weekend, we did have sex.

He texted me the later the following afternoon saying he had a good time, etc. He texted me later on that evening to see what I was doing and we communicated a bit more. The next day I heard nothing from him all day, which made for the first day of not hearing from him at all.

This morning, he emailed me at work saying good morning and have a good day, and offered to tell me that he was feeling ill the day before (as to let me know why he didn't call me). Should I be concerned? Is he showing premature signs of distancing himself?

You've brought sex into the equation. Now you're attached in a way that makes you grasp at straws -- and makes you a little desperate (sorry, it's how us women are made!). I can't think of any other way to put it. This is how most women feel when they have sex with someone outside of a 'committed' relationship!

And in order to justify the fact we jumped in the sack, we sometimes start feeling a little needy and overly sensitive to a guy's perfectly normal actions. To put it bluntly, once you give it up, what's left of the 'mystery' and the 'sexual tension'? ... Now it's all about sustainability and whether or not there were real feelings in the relationship in the first place.

... So back off a little. Don't smother this guy. If you want to be with him and see where your relationship could go, you need to step back, breathe and play it right or you will run him off.

He could very well be having some issues, too -- especially if this is the first relationship either of you have been in in awhile. Don't let your insecure sensitivities get the best of you! Take it easy and use this time to evaluate what you want and what you want to happen next.

Turn the tables on him! And instead of being the one with fingers ready to text, let him wait it out and YOU play it coy and cool. There is no rule that says after sex, the guy has all the power ... in fact, shouldn't it be the opposite?? (ha)

Remember, you're not desperate. If he does bump up the conversations again and starts calling, then great. But if he doesn't, use this experience as a learning opportunity. And take some time off from the dating scene to really think about who you are and what you represent.

I don't know you're experience or your story is, but I do know life change is difficult. And it's in these times, if we truly seize the opportunity, we can redefine who we are -- for better or worse.