Dear Dee:
I like this guy a lot! I really wanna go out with him. He's funny, sweet, smart and really cute. The problem is my friend has gone out with him and I have known her almost my entire life. She didn't like him much, though. She had a crush and then didn't care for him in that way. Should I go for it?
You don't have to ask your friend for permission to date this guy, but to avoid any future problems and to show your friendship the respect it sounds like it deserves, since you've been friends forever, you might just wanna run it past her.
More than likely she won't care -- especially if she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. But in the off chance she does care, are you prepared to give this guy up or strain relations with your friend? While it doesn't sound likely, it's something you should think about.
I've often said it is an unspoken rule among friends to not date each other's ex's, but to every rule there is an exception. I am thinking this is one of those cases, if she really is over him.
Likes Friend's Ex, But Friend Prob Won't Mind
Leaving & Wants to Tell Him How She Feels
Dear Dee:
This boy and I have liked each other since the 2nd grade. Now we are in the 8th grade and I wanted to tell him I like him before I leave to go to a new school. I will still see him but I don't know what to do and it hurts me. He's been talking to other girls, too and not talking to me.
He may be avoiding you and not talking to you because he is also going through some mixed feelings about your all-too-soon departure. So don't let it get you down too much.
If you've known this boy so long, you probably have a gauge as to whether or not he actually likes you in the same way. Does he act differently around you? Does he treat you just like all the other girls? What do your instincts tell you?
Now remember, you are going to another school and there will be plenty of opportunities there, to find a guy. Don't be too quick to start something up at your old school, when maintaining a relationship might be since you won't be around as much.
You're going through a major change in having to change schools so I am sure you're anxiousness and pain stems a little from that. Try really hard to relax and take things in stride. If you feel you have to talk to this boy, then determine within yourself to do it calmly and deliberately -- and be prepared for how he'll react and what he might say.
Putting yourself out there can result in great reward or in a little more pain -- but either way, at least you'll know. Good luck and I wish you all the best at your new school.
Beach Vacation Ends In Freaky Situation
Dear Dee:
Something completely weird happened. Well last summer my family and I went to North Carolina to visit some friends.
There is this guy, he is 23 and he has a girlfriend. I'm 14 and he told me he's inlove with me! I don't like him at all I mean I barely know him and I don't remember really talking to him. He also saw me in a bikini when we all went to the beach.
The point is, he is mad at me for rejecting him because I told him I don't like him. I want to make things right but I don't wanna look stupid or hurt him even more. What should I do? Should I pretend nothing happened or talk to him about it?
Ewwww. The first thing that comes to mind is this is a dangerous, disgusting situation. You should in no way shape or form talk to this guy or even respond to any type of correspondence he sends you.
No good at all can come of this situation and it is not your job at 14 years old, to spare the feelings of a 23-year-old guy who is literally preying on you. Don't take this lightly. It is scary and dangerous.
You need to tell your parents right away and you need to not answer texts, phone calls or emails from this guy.
Although you say you don't remember meeting him, how are you getting this information?? Something doesn't quite add up with what you're telling me, but the bottom line is still the same. Stay away.
And again, TELL YOUR PARENTS. This is not a situation for you to handle.
Parents Say 18, But She's Ready NOW!!
Dear Dee:
My parents say I should wait to get my first kiss when I'm 18!!! I don't know how I am going to do it without telling my parents. What should I do?
I wish you'd said how old you are. But since you haven't, I am going to speak to this generally.
Parents around the world should not read this entry -- so if you are a parent -- STOP READING RIGHT NOW (PLEASE?)?
If you are ready for your first kiss, and you're not just trying to get one to get it out of the way, I can't imagine what would stop you. I think for the most part, teens running home to their parents to tell them they've just had their first kiss only happens on the Disney Channel. Seriously. Do we really want our parents to know we're kissing? I don't think so.
So, if you want to do it and feel you're old enough (are you??) and ready then do it. That's all there is to it.
Parents often throw out these arbitrary ages like 18 or 21 just because they're not ready to admit their kid is actually growing up and is getting ready to start relationships. Now, if it's a religious point of view or a conviction of theirs, I can't help you -- only you know how this was said to you.
But if you use care, think it through and also don't act stupid about it you'll be fine and don't sweat it. ... For lack of a better way to end this post, PUCKER UP, honey.
First, 2nd & 3rd Base and We're Not Talking Baseball
Dear Dee:
So I met this guy at a summer sports camp. I fell pretty hard for him. We went out for three months- it didn't work.
About a month after we broke up, we talked it all out, realized all our problems, and I couldn't be happier. We've been going out for nearly two months now. He lives an hour and a half away. We see each other about once a month. We're going back to this camp this coming summer.
It's possible I may spend a week with his family at his beach house. From the start, he asked me how far I was comfortable with going. I'm from a rather small suburb. This playing around stuff- no one does it here. It was really surprising. People don't usually go past making out. He's had several girlfriends and done a lot of sexual stuff. Mostly like, third base.He asks me how far I want to go. I don't really know. I know I don't want to have sex. That's just about it.What's wrong with like, second and third?
There's nothing 'wrong' with first, second or third ... the question is what are you comfortable with.
My fear here is you're not making a decision based on what you actually want -- you're making a decision on what he's done before. You've mentioned he's experienced -- or at least has said he's fooled around with a lot of girls -- so he's already putting pressure on you to maybe think about things you may not be ready to think of.
It's definitely cool you are having these conversations BEFORE finding yourself in a situation you don't want to be in -- that's actually quite mature of you. Most adults don't have that talk beforehand. So, great job there.
But all that aside, what do you want? What is your conscience telling you is OK for you? What are you ready for?
Just saying you know you don't want to have sex isn't good enough. Don't get me wrong -- that's extremely important to know you want to establish that boundary -- but since this is your first relationship and a relatively new one, you want to be careful.
If I can tell you anything here, it is to go with your gut and to fully go into any relationship knowing you are worth waiting for. You don't have to give in just because this guy's gotten it other places before. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with just because you want to keep him happy. Your body is yours and you have to live with your choices.
It's great to have a boyfriend and to want to show him how you feel about him, but doing something you aren't ready to do and living with that afterwards -- regardless of whether it's going to first, second, third or home -- is something you have to deal with. You have to look yourself in the mirror after the euphoria has worn off.
There is no need to rush anything. You have time and your relationship is still new. Be sure before you do anything and if he rushes you? Well, then that's a sign, too. ... a sign this guy has totally struck out.
