He Loves Me, But I'm Not Sure

Dear Dee:
He asked me out a while ago and I said I would think about it. We talked for ages every day after that and aren't 'officially' going out but he has referred to me as his girlfriend and told me how much he loves me.

Not long after we started dating, he was able to tell me everything about him, including things nobody else knows about him. It's really obvious he loves me and he told me, further into the relationship he would want to have sex with me and asked if I was OK about it. He said if I had any doubts it would be fine and he wasn't going to make me do anything I didn't want to.

He seems perfect, he cares a lot about me and gives up all his time to be with me but I'm not sure if I actually love him and sometimes I wonder if it will work. But when I think about it I can't see any reasons as to why it shouldn't but I still get doubts. Is this normal?

YES. This is normal. If your conscience or common sense is telling you something is off, then something is off. Do not ignore it.

Sometimes, the guy who is absolutely perfect in every single way just isn't the right one! And while it kind of sucks, because it would be great if the perfect one WAS the right one, there is no way on this earth you should settle just because you can't find a reason NOT to be with him. The fact you're searching for a reason is reason enough.

You need to step back from this relationship. While this guy may be perfect, he is way more involved in this relationship and has more feelings towards you than you do towards him. Be fair to him and back off for awhile. Tell him you need to figure things out because you want to make sure he's getting what he deserves out of the relationship. And, if you can't give it to him you want to be honest about it.

Really. You could seriously end up hurting this guy is you don't step back and get your feelings in order. There is nothing wrong with you not being able to return his love. That happens sometimes. But there is definitely something wrong with you leading him on and not being upfront about the fact you're not sure you know how you feel. It might hurt him to hear it, but it's the right thing to do.

So step back. Think a little more. And then do what you have to. Maybe you'll figure out, during your time apart you can't live without him. ... or maybe you'll find out you can ... and should.


Anonymous said...

i was with a guy just like this said he was in love with me but i had doubts i was in love with him i wasnt sure we actually consemated & i i had a pregnancy scare & was trying to tell him i thought i was pregnant..

well he thought he had gotten caught, see he actually had, had a girlfriend before me for three years & i was just this thing on the side but he claimed he loved me before any of this had happened i broke up with him b/c i thought it was unfair to him that he was so "in love" with me and i not with him.. he ended up not being good i didnt really listen to my concience you should listen to yours don't ignore it hunny. i ignored mine & it didnt do me any good.

Cecilia said...

Well, Same Here. I Go Out With This Guy, And He Loves Me So Much. And Sometimes I Feel That I Love Him Then I Dont. And When We Kiss I Feel Something Then I Don't . He Has Every Quality I Want In A Man Except Two Qualities. I'm Not Sure How I Feel about Him.

Anonymous said...

I have an uneasy situation.
There's a guy who would suppose to be just a brother to me. Our relationship is like he is my sworn brother.
I rarely talk to him cuz I feel a little shy with boys.
Then one day his friends and him decided to make a feast for their brothers and sister ( this thing is complex but it is the way it's going on around here). I was invited and I know it is normal that he didn't want me to deny or just call it of. But he kept asking me too many time!
All of his friends and his brother too just kept teasing him with that he's with me. Like how he acted strangely that day or something like he had chosen his clothing very carefully. After that feast it is another cerebration and it's time to sing. Me, my sister and my brother had to sing a song. He did choose something that means " I will stop everything just to be with you" but who would notice the meaning? Am I that stupid? I chose another song that is familiar and very plain. Did I ruin his plan?
Before we sang his friend, yet again teasing about he must sing together with me. That's when he turned red. Not only that my sister too seems to know something in this odd. She didn't even speak a word when we sang but kept the mic. with my brother. So we sang together. I feel quite nothing toward this but it makes me feel uneasy that's all. I don't want to be this miserable by these questions of did he like me or not. Or something like is he real for me. He's always being nice to me and cares fir every bit of mine.
I want the answer and I know I can't lose him. Not this life.
This thing makes me heartache as well as headache.
Why can't he be just a good brother to me?
I do like him in a way that sister could have a feeling for her brother. I don't know what happens next if our relationship is developed but ended up with tear. Like I said I can't lose him. Help! I need some advices please.

Anonymous said...

I really liked the answer its so useful!! Thanks Dear Dee You're the BEST :)

cos I've had same situation nd did the same thing I told him the truth, at first he gets mad then after only two weeks he asked me again to be just friends and it works!!

Anonymous said...

i had thesame feeling recently. A gal loved me so much but i dnt just love her. I like her as a frd but she keeps forcing her self on me.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the help :)