Dear Dee:
He asked me out a while ago and I said I would think about it. We talked for ages every day after that and aren't 'officially' going out but he has referred to me as his girlfriend and told me how much he loves me.
Not long after we started dating, he was able to tell me everything about him, including things nobody else knows about him. It's really obvious he loves me and he told me, further into the relationship he would want to have sex with me and asked if I was OK about it. He said if I had any doubts it would be fine and he wasn't going to make me do anything I didn't want to.
He seems perfect, he cares a lot about me and gives up all his time to be with me but I'm not sure if I actually love him and sometimes I wonder if it will work. But when I think about it I can't see any reasons as to why it shouldn't but I still get doubts. Is this normal?
YES. This is normal. If your conscience or common sense is telling you something is off, then something is off. Do not ignore it.
Sometimes, the guy who is absolutely perfect in every single way just isn't the right one! And while it kind of sucks, because it would be great if the perfect one WAS the right one, there is no way on this earth you should settle just because you can't find a reason NOT to be with him. The fact you're searching for a reason is reason enough.
You need to step back from this relationship. While this guy may be perfect, he is way more involved in this relationship and has more feelings towards you than you do towards him. Be fair to him and back off for awhile. Tell him you need to figure things out because you want to make sure he's getting what he deserves out of the relationship. And, if you can't give it to him you want to be honest about it.
Really. You could seriously end up hurting this guy is you don't step back and get your feelings in order. There is nothing wrong with you not being able to return his love. That happens sometimes. But there is definitely something wrong with you leading him on and not being upfront about the fact you're not sure you know how you feel. It might hurt him to hear it, but it's the right thing to do.
So step back. Think a little more. And then do what you have to. Maybe you'll figure out, during your time apart you can't live without him. ... or maybe you'll find out you can ... and should.
He Loves Me, But I'm Not Sure
Livin' It Up in High School ...Now Study Time
Dear Dee:
OK I'm not a freshman anymore. I am 16 years old and I have done just about everything a person can possibly do in high school. I am a cheerleader. I have great friends. And in my 10th grade year, I dated a senior star football player. Don't get me wrong, all of that was good but while all this was going on I kinda skipped out on trying to get good grades. Now I am older and wiser and I really want to get into a good college so what should I do? Not going to college is TOTALLY NOT AN OPTION! I already know that I just should do better but I only have 2 years left so will it be enough?So you're older and wiser ... hum. Sounds like this is the year you just came off of -- so don't really know how much older you are since you have two years of school left -- but does sound like you're a little wiser ... but only time will tell.
Does sound like you have a lot going for you and have made the most of your high school experience from a social perspective. But unless you want to be that girl at the high school reunion 10 years from now, who was ALL THAT AND MORE in school, but doesn't amount to much now, you've got to get in gear. Studying has got to be your priority and good grades most definitely count.
If you really put your nose to the grindstone your last two years, you can turn things around. See, what you need is balance. You went to the extreme your freshman and sophomore years and didn't strike even keel between social life and school -- you just went social-lite crazy! So, now instead of going to the opposite extreme, set up a schedule and make sure your activities and study time stay balanced.
Where school is concerned, all work and no play may get you great grades, but it robs you of key experiences. Taking time to be social and have fun in the midst of maintaining your academics will help you become more well-rounded and you won't burn out on studying. You'll stay refreshed and in the long run, will perform much better on tests, etc.
So yes. You know what you have to do. Buckle down. Now, you just have to do it. Remember your goals. I agree with you -- in this day and age, it just isn't overly possible to be successful without a college degree. So keep looking at the big picture when your friends invite you out when you need to study for a test ... Being the responsible girl now will help you become the 'WOW' girl at your reunion and that's much better than the other type described.
Two Friends, Crushing on Same Boy ... Ugh
Dear Dee:
My friend and I both like the same boy. What do I do?Ugh. This one sucks. Either way, one of you is going to get hurt and more than likely, your friendship will never be the same ... So ... what's most important to you? How valuable is your friendship? If this is a friend you've had forever, someone you love like a sister and don't want to lose, then you'd probably better talk to her about this and see if you two can both agree your friendship is way more important than a guy. If you can do that, then both of you should agree to stay away from this one ... there are more guys out there!
Guys come between good friends all the time. And if good friends don't have the common sense to 'boy proof' their relationship before this can happen, then those very important friendships become too damaged to repair.
So, here are my tips to boy proof those close friendships:
-- Don't ever ever date a friend's exes (unless really, you're positive your friend really doesn't care).
-- Don't date a friend's crush.
-- Don't keep your crushes or your dates from your best friend. Be open.
--Agree your friendship is important -- more important and you'll talk through things if a boyfriend starts coming between you.
-- Agree you will not openly and inappropriately flirt with the other friend's boyfriend or girlfriend.
-- If both friends like the same boy, talk it out -- it may be best to let this one go until one of you finds someone else.
-- Don't make getting a boyfriend or getting a date a competition between the two of you. This will only cause resentment.
-- Go into relationships with your eyes wide open. When dating, listen to your friend. She may have insight into this guy's behavior or his lack thereof or his motives that you don't have.
-- Value your friends. Don't ditch them when you get a boyfriend.
I hope this helps. I also hope you and your friend can work this out and continue to keep in mind how valuable true friends are.
Crush Likes Me Back ... Now What?
Dear Dee:
The boy I like likes me and I don't know what to say. Could you give my some tips on what to say to him?It's way cool you have confirmation your crush likes you, too. But now that you do ... it sounds like you have to actually DO something about it, right? (It's actually easier when you don't know you're crush is crushing on you, too ... sometimes ...)
But no worries. You can handle this. It really is as simple as holding your head up, walking over to this guy and ... saying 'hey how's it goin? I am so glad it's summer ...' ... You don't have to have a deep conversation about the state of the universe. You don't have to wow him with your remarkable thoughts or your life goals. Just get to know him and let him see how cool you are!
I know it's difficult to swallow your shyness and talk to him -- especially since you've probably admired him from afar for awhile, but now that you know he's into you, take it to the next level. If you can't, it's probably a sign you're not quite ready for a relationship yet (and if that's the case, that's not a bad thing either! Don't rush it.)
Good luck!
