Dear Dee:
I had this awesome girlfriend and we had been going out for two months.
She was like my life. She seemed to make everything go more smoothly. My life seemed to be perfect. But we recently broke up.
I still liked her so I told her (big mistake). Now, two or three weeks later, I'm over her. But she still thinks I like her. She's spreading rumors about me, and calls me "clingy" (which consists of talking to her about two or three minutes at the end of class once a day). How can I approach her and first off, tell her "I'm over you," and second, "stop telling rumors about me"?
The best thing you can do here is SHOW her she's off your ‘A' list. She'll listen to your words, but she'll really believe your actions.
Don't go as far as ignoring her. Be kind, be courteous and talk to her whenever it's appropriate, but don't go out of your way to do it. Give her a friendly nod instead of starting up a conversation every time you see her. And then of course, when she sees you with another girlfriend in the future, she'll totally get the message.
Regarding the rumors: I sure don't blame you for wanting to tell her to knock it off, but as far as rumors go, this one's not so bad. You can most definitely talk to her about it, but that might come off as desperate, and in her mind, your denial of liking her might be enough confirmation for her that you really do ... so letting this take its course and playing it cool might just be your best bet.
I Like You ... Not LIKE You
I'm 15, She's 21 .... Chance of Relationship?
Dear Dee:
I am a guy who helps his parents out a lot. But when my mom started working on the weekends, she got a babysitter to help me take care of my other three siblings. My dad works weekends, too.
Now I think the babysitter is really good looking. We have a good bit in common and she's actually flirted with me a couple times -- but not heavily flirted. There is only one problem: She says she is 21, and I'm 15. What should I do?
There really isn't a lot you can do ... except realize that the possibility and reality of a relationship between you and a 21-year-old is kind of silly and absurd.
I am not trying to be mean, but this would be like you dating an 11-year-old ... you're on two different emotional and maturity plains. She can drive, you can't. She can stay out past 10 p.m. on a school night; you can't. She can go into a bar, you can't. She can get into an R-rated movie; you can't.
I know it's really cool to think about someone much older liking you, but the problem comes into play when we can't separate fantasy from reality. The fantasy/fun is the flirting. The reality is it would be against the law for the two of you to date.
So, help the babysitter out. Take good care of your siblings. Have fun and talk, laugh and even flirt. But keep it all in perspective.
She's Leaving, Should I Wait?
Dear Dee:
My girlfriend and I had been going out for about two weeks when she broke up with me because she got kicked out of school.
I won't be able to see her till next year. I never had a real girlfriend and I never felt like I've been feeling lately. My mom asked me if I want to move with her and my sisters. What should I do? Should I stay and wait for this girl or go with my mom?
I don't know how old you are, but it seems to me since this girl broke up with you, waiting around on her isn't really a good idea. She broke up with you.
You should get on with your life. And if that means picking up and moving with your mom, then that's what you should do. I know you're hurting because of your breakup, but you will get over it and you never know what you'll find when you move.
Who knows, maybe you can even email, IM and talk to your ex when she's ungrounded or whatever. Your relationship doesn't have to end because you're moving. In fact, it might just be the refreshing change you need.
My Parents Are Moving On ... How Can I?
Dear Dee:My parents have been divorced for two years. Both have new lives, homes and problems.
I think my dad has a girlfriend; if he does, he won't tell me. He always has these calls at 9 p.m. and it bothers me because I can hear them a lot.
Also, he yells and curses and I don't want my little brother to hear them because he already gets into trouble at school. I cry a lot at night, wanting my dad to tell me the truth about everything, and I also want him to tell me why he smokes inside now.
He says it's cold outside, but I'm sure he's lying. My mom is on a business trip now and when I called her last night she got upset when I lied to her about crying. I am afraid she will fight for full custody of my brother and I (we live in two houses).
She always complains she never has enough money. She also has a life of her own. What can I do? I don't want a second mom, and the crying almost every night has got to stop!! Do you have any advice on how to control my life?
Here's the deal. People do move on. And trying to hide that from you is where your dad is seriously going wrong. His unwillingness to talk to you about the possibility of him dating or that he is dating is holding you back in your healing process. And that needs to stop.
See, your parents are divorced. That's a fact and you know it. But if neither one of them are talking to you about what's happening in their personal lives, it makes it difficult for you to really move on, as they have. I think it is imperative you talk to your dad and let him know that he's keeping a secret -- and not very well, I might add. And you need to get the full story.
Also talk to him about the cursing and how it affects you and your brother. Let him know how your brother is already struggling in school and he needs some strong, good influences in his life. This would also be the time to talk about the smoking, if it bothers you.
Now, you're going to have to come to grips with the fact your dad IS or WILL BE dating. Same with your mom. You don't want them to be lonely, do you? Just keep the faith they'll find people are who good to them AND you, and that you will come to appreciate/respect and even love them. It will just take time.
Honey, you've asked for advice on how to control your life. And the best advice I can give you is to realize that not everything is within YOUR control.
Things are going to happen. Your parents are going to do things you don't agree with or approve of or even like. But I think you can be sure they do love you. They're just struggling right now to find their way and find who they are without each other. It will take some time, but be patient. And don't be afraid to talk to them. LET THEM KNOW you're upset and you need help through this, too.
Hotlines When You Need Them ...
There are some things I just can't help you with ... but help is out there. So please, take it. Use these hotlines.
EMERGENCY: Call 911
CONTACTS AMERICA helps take the pressure of being a teenager by offering for everyday teens, just like you, at low prices. No more squinting to read the blackboard at school or getting in the way while playing sports!
ALCOHOL: Alcohol and Drug Helpline1-800-527-5344
ALCOHOL: National Council on Alcoholism1-800-NCA-CALL or (1-800-622-2255)
ALCOHOL: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services1-800-662-HELP or (1-800-662-4357)
DISCRIMINATION: Anti-Hate Line1-800-649-0404
DISCRIMINATION: Disabilities/Handicapped Crisis Line1-800-426-HAND
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: National Domestic Violence Hotline1-800-799-SAFE or (1-800-799-7233) or (1-800-426-4263)
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: Childhelp USA1-800-422-4453
DRUGS: National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information1-800-729-6686 (English) 1-877-767-8432 (Spanish)
EATING DISORDERS: Overeaters Anonymous
EATING DISORDERS: National Eating Disorders Association
GRIEF & SUPPORT: Grief Recovery Institute
HEALTH QUESTIONS: Lucile Packard Children's Hospital Teenage Health Resource Line 1-888-711-TEEN or (1-888-711-8336)
OBESITY: National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion
PREGNANCY: America's Pregnancy Helpline1-888-672-2296
RAPE & SEXUAL ASSAULT: National Sexual Assault Hotline1-800-656-HOPE or (1-800-656-4673)
RUNAWAY: National Runaway Switchboard1-800-621-4000
RUNAWAY: Covenant House1-800-999-9999
RUNAWAY & SEXUAL ASSAULT: National Center for Missing and Exploited Children1-800-THE-LOST or (1-800-843-5678)
SELF-INJURY: SAFE (Self-Abuse Finally Ends)1-800-DONT-CUT or (1-800-366-8288)
SEXUALITY: Teenwire
SEXUALITY: LYRIC (Lavender Youth Recreation and Information Center)1-800-96-YOUTH or (1-800-969-6884)
SUICIDE: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention1-888-333-2377
SUICIDE: Girls & Boys Town Suicide & Crisis Hotline1-800-448-3000
SUICIDE: National Suicide Hotline1-800-SUICIDE or (1-800-784-2433)
